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party poker

The National Association of Music Manufacturers Show 2005.



Tornavoz presents: Children of the Revolution. I think this was the best of NAMM right here. Flamenco dancing, music, clacking on a board. That or the guys smacking the hell out of the congas.



Can you guess what this does? Can you?



It's the Tascam TT-M1 Scratch Control Unit! See, people want to scratch CDs but they spin so fast that the DJs are scared of losing precious fingers. So you attach the Tascam TT-M1 Scratch Control Unit (or TTT-M1 SCU) to a regular turntable and the wire goes off to the Tascam CD player and you press "play" on the CD player and then you start "scratching" with the turntable and the machine has a little wheel and it translates the movement into commands to the player ("BACK! FORTH! OKAY NOW JIGGLE BACK AND FORTH SPASTICALLY! STOP! 2X SPEED! KEEP UP WITH ME, DIPSHIT TASCAM CDX SERIES DJ CD PLAYER CD-X1500 OR CD-X1700!") so now you're all wikki, wikki wikki. Cost: $25,999. I kid.



Mixing board for churches. "Who the hell forgot to put a lapel mike on Jesus? Hello?"



This is sort of like the TTT-M1 SCU in that you put a CD in it and then do the scratching on what they call the "motor driven active platter" and it translates the motion into commands. Someone's put a 45 or a fake 45 on the platter to totally simulate that vinyl feeling when you're scratching your CDs.



It used to be you would just get two turntables and a microphone and be done with it. Now you have to get something that looks like it controls an aircraft carrier or you're nobody, man, do you hear me? NOBODY. From the glossy: "Introducing the SL-DZ1200 - destined to bring the DJs of the world uncompromising reliability, sound quality and performance versatility for digital sound sources."



"We can leave NOW!!! FORGET ABOUT IT!"
"Look, if I don't disarm this thing the entire city block is going to explode in less than two minutes!!!!!"
"Can you do it??!?!?"
"I've got to try ... America is counting on me!!?!!??!"
[Entire city block explodes]



When each of us dies and has a blessed appointment with St. Peter, only those of us who purchased the absolute guadiest incarnations of Support Our Troops ribbons will be let in.

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