Tor’s Cabinet of Curiosities: The Most Hardcore Railroad Crossing Ever [22min].

Not Just Bikes: The Laziest Excuse for Bad Cities [29min].

2025mixtape now available.

Taskmaster: Drink All the Vinegar [9min].

Bike update #293. There is not much to tell. Today, for example, I was in the “PED XING” of a major street, had already crossed three stopped lanes of traffic very slowly on the Dutch bike, and a truck with tinted windows zoomed past in the fourth/final one. I saw it coming, tinted windows always spells trouble, trucks spell trouble, trucks + tints = bad news. So, as one does, I yelled “HI!!!!!” about three feet from wherever his head would have been. He stopped just up the road, because the .1cc of blood in his system had gone from his brain to his junk. I counted off for him. One ... two ... three annnd he started back on his exciting journey to the liquor store.

So that’s what happens about one out of five outings. Truck person does a stupid fuckhead thing, gets angry when there’s blowback, but then sees that it’s going to take awhile for me to ride up to where they stopped (if it even turns out I’m riding in the same direction), so they give up. Sorry, I would have peddled faster had I known you had an important message/fisticuffs/bullets to impart. The more experiences I have with humans on this planet, the less I like you as a group. It just isn’t working out. My friends are jpgs of cats and dog videos now.

I got an ebike. It mostly functions as a coat rack, but it’s there in the clutch when I need to move typewriters and art and bulky junk. The point of the Dutch bike is that it is a workout. One speed. So I’m not going to pedal-assist my way to Even Less Exercise. I am packing a lot on the ebike in the future days/weeks/months, I am tired of having things. I got an “ABUS” frame lock for the bike but the old “AXA” frame lock on the Dutch bike kicks it in its frame lock ass. Go with AXA if you are shopping for frame locks. Everything is a lot more snappy. Just ... get a black one. At one point they sold them in some weird sickly light tan color when my bike was purchased. Maybe they stopped. Take it from me, Squirrely Joe, the safety woodchuck. They are sometimes called ring locks. I like “frame lock,” it sounds more sturdy. The thing about frame locks is that you also buy a “plug-in” chain that ... plugs in to the frame lock. AXA ring/frame locks. If you buy one of these (and the chain), you are 87.2% more secure than most everyone I see locking up bikes in the East Bay, who clearly went to [shitty big box store here] and said “give me your thinnest, crappiest U-lock” or “you got one of those cable locks you can cut through with a cheap pair of tin snips? Tight.” Cable locks are ass. All of them.

I have to build a little drink holder for the ebike and the Dutch bike for little cans of Suntory BOSS Flash Brew Cold Café Au Lait. Maybe get a better kickstand for the Dutch bike, but I’ve been getting by w/o using the fold-down one which somehow is barely functional, though I can’t see how to re-balance it w/o getting out a welding torch. I do not have a welding torch. Was it installed like this, ready to collapse w/the slightest touch? Apparently.

Tired of people, tired of having things. I kind of just want to be a pinball machine or a really good bakery. Or a chocolate bar metal mold. That would be okay.

Listers: A Glimpse Into Extreme Birdwatching [2hrs].

TODALLY EXTREME!!!!!!!111!11

In sad weblog news, New Shelton Wet/Dry is packing up shop. Safe travels and thank you for the thing with the stuff.

Laura Kampf: I Built A Hovercraft Suitcase [30min].

Someone in the comments mentioned a sphere form factor, which reminded me of the Q Drum. Look for my Non-hovercraft Q Drumee Luggage Rollerer in participating Kresge’s 5 and 10s.

Fern: The Evil Design of Communist Surveillance [22min].

Kiwami Japan: Engagement ring made from human nails [2019; 17min].

Angela Collier: Dyson Spheres are a Joke [53min].

First Official World Tram Driver Championship [6hrs 24min].

Something something US driver was disqualified beccause something something car cult kickbacks something individualism something.

Comedy jokes. In actuality, US came in 25th. Out of 25. Honestly, surprised there was even someone there for Usa.

Hundreds of Beavers (2022; 1hr 48min).

Innovative slapstick for the now-now generation. I laughed a lot, and didn’t pause the movie every five minutes like I do with everything else lately. I highly recommend it.

Digest of Telephone Patents: Telephony 1904-06: Vol 7 Issue 6.

I wrote a paragraph for the upcoming patron monthly blab [2] about the State of EBook formats 2025. I’m a sputtering plane, flying high above, looking down at all the weird-ass runways people have built for all the planes in the sky. It’s a big mess. If your plane is this long, you’re going to have to land on the runway sideways, etc. If you are “targeting” Kindle readers, your ebook should be formatted like this. Welcome to Reverseland.

Anyway. We’ve all been swimming in urls for how long now? 30+ years, yeah? I’m re-doing my internal “feed reader” because the one I’m using that was written by several people has all of these bells and whistles vis-a-vis networking etc, stuff I’d have to crack some books to weakly understand but instead of being robust routinely crashes on feeds. Sometimes, on the last character. Cool story bro. It is useless. I just used some on-the-shelf components, bog standard “grab this website source” for Python and hey lookit there, I’m reading those “erroneous” feeds. It’s just the parsing that’s annoying, because everyone who waddles up to the feed bar is doing the same thing as the Ebookers: “I’ve never done a format before, but I’ve got some great ideas.” They go off-book, or come up with crazy innovations like hiding your Christmas gift in twenty continually-smaller boxes isn’t that fun. You’d think with bigger sites there’d be more of a desire to stick to a given format, but no: more people = more wacky, more power = more wacky. Be a Microsoft or a Google, get notions that you can control the narrative/format spec to benefit your platform/browser and your god-damned stockholders. Today’s example follows.

There is an ugly odd way to provide feed readers with thumbnails for a given site’s feed entry called “srcset.” Here’s one from Booooooom.

srcset="https://cdn.booooooom.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/JiWonCha24.jpg 1200w, https://cdn.booooooom.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/JiWonCha24-600x499.jpg 600w, https://cdn.booooooom.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/08/JiWonCha24-400x332.jpg 400w” sizes="(max-width: 1200px) 100vw, 1200px”

Three thumbnails of varying sizes, information separated by commas. What you never do with data is add more data with the same delimiter buried inside it. Also, you never put commas in a url. It’s 2025. 30 years of this knowledge. Don’t use delimiters in a non-delimiter fashion, heck, that’s been common knowledge since the 1960s. I think srcset is poor, but it’s got a beginning/end (quotes) and a delimiter (the comma). Here now, in 2025, is some feed data from Cabin Porn.

srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!QCme!,w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fed284ce3-c182-4e41-b901-52d30e57c005_5973x3982.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!QCme!,w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fed284ce3-c182-4e41-b901-52d30e57c005_5973x3982.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!QCme!,w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fed284ce3-c182-4e41-b901-52d30e57c005_5973x3982.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!QCme!,w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fed284ce3-c182-4e41-b901-52d30e57c005_5973x3982.jpeg 1456w”

Commas. Colons. Goin’ ham. I wonder what Google has to say about that, I mean like from ten years ago (side note: of course the original google link doesn’t work and I have to use this SEO site as a back-up source: comedy). This is ... basic stuff. Feeds are supposed to be succinct encapsulations that cling to easy standards so everyone isn’t ... running back to the programs over and over and over and over to carve out exceptions for your ineptitude. So yeah, luckily I’m in the parsing phase right now, I carved out a more robust srcset handling bit just for this garbage instead of coming back to my code a year later after a crash and scratching my head for awhile.

Speaking of garbage. If you are on Substack, this is a good hub of gathered information about how/why it’s more beneficial to leave: You Should Probably Leave Substack: Unfortunately, Substack willingly platforms, and allows bad actors to monetize, hate speech and misinformation. Four years of a wide spectrum of articles ticking off a large number of malignant themes.

HI RUBE! Candy and Toy packaging. Unknown manufacturer/date.

LAZY PEON fresh avocado pears trademark Cal-Royal Co., Inc., 1942.

Michael Reeves: I Built a Car out of Scooters [17min].

I have blathered about Uncharted 4: .... before. This is more blathering. There are spoilers.

You play as a young Nate you (like Tomb Raider: I Can’t Believe It’s Not Repatriation!) in two extended sequences that go on way, way too long. One sequence: find mom’s book in a box in someone else’s house. Look through six boxes? Seven? It’s not: click the box and it’s not that box. It’s: click the box, Nate Jr. leans down to pull the box forward, opens the box, reaches in the box, grabs the book out of the box, and then you have flip the book over to see if it’s not mom’s book six times, then it’s mom’s book the seventh time. Thrilling gameplay. Everything during Nate Jr. sequences, you think “annnnd right here, obviously a cut scene.” No, you have to play those bits.

Somehow with this playthrough I was able to avoid the entire Crash Bandicootery Going-Toward-The-Screen Dethtruk® sequence. I have no idea how. “Darn.” There was a sequence in which you were required to shoot at the Dethtruk® but I had already dropped four grenades neatly on top of the Dethtruk® (the Dethtruk® gets stuck a lot (it’s scripted) so you can jump around all panicky) and one of the characters did the thing they do in Uncharted Four and probably other games, and yelled out that something isn’t working to your character/you. Both for the grenades, and shooting at the Dethtruk® while it was stuck. But if you don’t shoot at the DethTruk® in the specific Dethtruk®-chasing-you sequence you automatically die. Put A Stick About: don’t train me to not do something then require it to move forward, especially if it’s a do-or-die extended quicktime event. [later] Spoke too soon. Ridiculous Dethtruk®-going-toward-screen sequence is late in the game.

Old man in rocking chair, surrounded by wide-eyed children: And that’s why ... you never shoot at the Dethtruk®. [SFX: chimes; revving] Oh hold on, that’s the door.

Hope you like finding/manuevering big crates around. I mean, it’s the same crate every time what feels like 10x+. Areas untouched for hundreds of years, modern-looking crate with casters sitting in a corner, drawing little circles in the dusty ground with its caster foot all sheepish-like. “Aw gawrsh, you found me. Maybe ... maybe I can help you ...”

Below: Nate can’t shoot the red cap enemy from that angle. Nate can’t move over because Sam is in the way. The red cap enemy can’t shoot Nate. The red cap enemy doesn’t move. Sam wouldn’t shoot the red cap enemy. It was a very rare odd détente.

In my overly-long review I was grousing about one of the jailbreaks in which my character was slow-walking, so I had to “combat roll” through the whole sequence to move a little faster. Turns out: you can walk slowly, or quickly. There’s a button toggle. It’s in the menu. Somehow I missed it, and apparently accidentally turned it on during one sequence, then accidentally turned it off (or it reset w/completion of the segment). I are elite games reviewerperson. Point in my favor: the key is well-positioned for accidental triggering. That trigger is not going to be used that often, yet they put it right next to the heavily-used “drop/disengage” key.

Similarly I whined about the sub-par “tap a key repeatedly” mechanic in the previous “review.” Turns out (again) there’s a setting for that. It’s in “Options/Accessibility”: there’s a toggle to change “hit key rapidly to move bookcase/struggle against guard” etc to “hold down key.” That option should have also been in the controls menu. [pause] [sigh] [looks] It’s in the controls menu, right at top. “Complete minigames by either tapping the prompt button rapidly or holding it down.” HAHAAHAHH “MINIGAMES” ... Struggling to open a door/move a bookcase is a MINIGAME? So anyway, I totally missed the minigame rappy-tap toggle setting.

Below: Trapped on rock face, enemies in half-circle, shooting, sniping, dropping grenades every 30 seconds. Enemies chucking grenades in huge arcs, landing repeatedly in the same exact spot where you’re holding on to the ledge. Out of bullets. The game sets up these sort of scenarios with paltry looting. Really encouraging run-and-gun while Nate’s bullet allergy calls for a more “hole up and double down on strategy” angle. Sometimes you just have to let go of the ledge and start again.

Skimmed a review that said companions did an “excellent job of staying out of enemy sightlines.” My garbage capsule review here reads: “the exact opposite of that.” If it’s coverage behind walls/desks/etc, too often they will be on the wrong side. It wasn’t a worry, that’s 100% cosmetics and doesn’t affect gameplay. Enemies will not “spot” allies at all, nor can they kill allies (though once one was yelling “help me” and such while being assaulted by an enemy while I was busy hiding on another level; “Eh, they’ll figure it out” and they figured it out). So no reason to care, let them play with Dethtruk™. Other side of the coin, allies are good about taking down enemies while stealthing in tall grass. I was going to leave a session AFK for laughs to see if an ally could take down a whole segment of enemies but then realized they introduce waves in stages. First you see one-six guys, your ally will spot/generate an additional one or two. Start shooting, they’ll mix in two-ten more, depending. But there will (most always) be more that have a more distant patrol route, so no stealthing 100% in one place.

Shootouts have great settings but most of the time the game boxes you into a corner w/inadequate cover, then ten guys start hitting you with snipers/grenades/shotguns etc all at the same time (on “moderate” difficulty). “For cover, we’ve arranged for a single shabby wooden bo ‒ never mind.”

It feels like 1/4th of the should-be-headshots are not headshots, even with the low-level unprotected melon types. Saw a quick thing w/someone mentioning off-center hitboxes. Haven’t looked for any other accounts.

The only additional thing to say about the giant long strings of climbing/parkouring chunks is that I’m not sure I realized last time that your character is able to reach for specific ledges etc depending on the camera angle. Odd choice, I would have went with “depending on what was available to actually successfully grab when reached for,” but again, I’m not a game designer. “I can’t reach that OH I know, I’ll change my camera angle, there, now I can reach for it.” It’s a weird focus shift. The actor becomes the director to be the actor.

Wait, one more thing. Is it fun to look for a handhold over and over and over and over and over and over and over? Maybe that’s the problem with combining cinema with gameplay, cinema is always going win the non-repetitive award.

[cut scene] Harrowing plane crash into ocean. Protagonists struggle to survive. Days floating on wreckage. Near death, but everyone is rescued by the Bob-Lo boat.
[gameplay] Look for ledges. Press Q to rope. Shoot enemies.
[cut scene] Pirate ship collapses amongst protagonists, slides down mountain. Pirate ship explodes. Mountain explodes. Air explodes. Fermi collects on bet, pumps fist: “Yesssss.”
[gameplay] Look for ledges. Press Q to rope. Look for ledges. Shoot enemies. Find ledges. Examine area: for ledges. Ledges (y/N)? Shoot ledges. Collect ledges for “high score.” Press Q to open Bates box and find ledger.

The final forced melee with Rob Schneider, had forgotten how long it was. Became tedious, especially because gameplay forces “breathers” so Rob can tell you how awful you are. You can’t just ... attack. Everything is scripted. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Okay, there’s a prompt to hit F to attack. And again, and again. Okay now Rob is swinging left, you can block it .... oh you barely missed blocking the shot Rob has sliced you. Rob needs to be angry some more here. Okay, he’s done talking. Here comes another attack. Okay I guess you can hit F again now to attack back. JFC, my mind drifted off, thinking about go-carts or something. Switched game mode from “moderate” to “story only” so it just runs through the sequences and you do not die. I have nothing for jeers for melee in general. [FX: jeers] But this is an additional layer of cruft you cannot break through. Melee with openings for attack every ... 20-40 seconds. Melee Waltz w/prompts. La la LA PRESS la la LA PRESS la la LA PRESS. A traditional dance, long in the tooth, past its prime.

The epilogue is still somehow wonderful. Mostly because ... short? Passage of time? Short? Doesn’t overstay its welcome? Not long? Probably the short thing. No crates to move n times. No Bates boxes to press E to open m times. No dramatic climbing to open a door to be able to open more Bates boxes.

[side note about the DLC when characters learn horrible thing is about to happen and then spend an absolutely plot-breaking amount of time discussing it (“I’m going to go.” “No you should go. I’ll stay. You stay. She’ll go. We should all go. No, I’ll stay, and go. Should I go now?” Player [slowly crushing controller in hands]: “Take your time, the lives of thousands of fake people are in danger. No worries. Sleep on it.”) deleted for brevity (too late)]

What is fun, to me, is to bend/break rules of a game or just mess around. There aren’t that many opportunities with this title. Much like the DLC, I enjoyed driving the protagonists off a cliff shortly after the start of a drive-and-talk sequence. Repeatedly. “You know, Nate, we never AHHHHHHHHHHHHH” “You know, Nate, we never got to talk about the time wh ‒ OH GOD NOOOOOOOOO” Sometimes a tire flew off. One time the car blew up in mid-air just after it went over the edge, that was a head-scratcher. Told the rental place it was “engine trouble.” As mentioned before, the DLC has an achievement specifically for driving off a cliff. The only other thing I can think of is shining a flashlight in the face of allies. They squint. [SFX: party favor favors] This all reminds me of Tom Walker exploring the gamespace of Red Faction Guerilla Re-Mars-tered [16min].

But the whole Libertalia thing, that was fantastic/al lore, completely from the minds of Naughty Dog who really knocked it out ... of --- WHAT. Well, I guess A General History of Thee Pyrates And Such #arr is on my reading list (Libertalia is mentioned in Volume II along w/apparently, three fictional pirates). “The pirates were against the authoritarian institutions of their day, including monarchies, slavery, institutional religion, and the abuses associated with wealth.” Mmm. Well good luck to them, too many people seem to want a king/daddy illegal hoarding fiend. “He’s just like me.” When I get my time machine fixed back up I’ll file a Liberta[t/l]ia report w/the Universal Time Administrative offices. Or maybe I already have. It gets/will get/has already become confusing.

Not Just Bikes: This Might Just Be the World’s Best Metro System [30min].

I’ve been bipping through a second run through of Uncharted Four: The Fourth Chart Is Also Missing because there’s no new open world games out there (though Uncharted is more of a explore-on-rails linear thing) in which you play as a somewhat normal person doing somewhat plausible somewhat-normal things and you’re not carrying an ironing-board sword and numbers don’t fly out of the heads of enemies when you hit them and there are not “combos” nor zombies nor monsters and maybe there never will be another game of this type. That isn’t set in Florida. Anyway. Uncharted has a heavy piratical theme and I started thinking about pirates and pirating then I thought about Talk Like A Pirate Day and codes and Morse Code. Turns out there is a Morse Code Day, April 27th. So let’s all Write In Morse Code on Morse Code Day. You have some time to prepare.

“Wow no additional complaints about Uncharted after that first grindfest?” Yeah that’s a separate post, coming up, don’t you fret little one.