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X Magazine #12

X Magazine #12. Half-Power. August 1993.

"It's funny because it's TRUE!" -- The Simpsons

Stop your intention -- Coast guard code for letter "S"

"Drivers, green light to go!" -- Walt Disney World Grand Prix Raceway

"Please make a note of it" -- New phone number recording

"You know, for kids!" -- Hudddsucker Proxy

Remix video final -- Product packaging, Frankie Goes to Hollywood videotape (Japan)

For your own circus -- Packaging, Barnum's Animal Crackers

We acknowledge: labor-saving devices -- Total suckwad Age of Chance Mecca album with kick-ass thank you list

Please have money ready -- Hot'N'Now drive-up window sign

A new level of injection comfort -- over-the-counter hypodermic needle advertisement

Beat Pop Now -- Japanese audiotape compilation

"I think the scariest possibility is that thirty years from now people will still be listening to classic rock from the '60s. When is that shit going to go away?" -- William Gibson (Details)

"I LOVE TO PARTY, especially with my homeys, my good friends. My idea of a great party is staying up all night, listening to music, dancing, with everyone having a good time and no fighting." -- Robert "Vanilla Ice" Van Winkle, Ice by Ice

"I'M NOT GONNA LIE TO YA - I NEED A BEER" -- homeless person cardboard signage, downtown Phoenix AZ

"Deer Hunter's Widow offers the deer hunter/sportsman a diverse melodic range of deer hunting songs from the whimsical ... sometimes controversial ... to the reflective . . . Checkerboard Records/CEMI dedicates Deer Hunter's Widow to all the women who, late each autumn, are left to their own devices during the lonely deer hunting season ..." -- Press release, Deer Hunter's Widow, by Brown Trout and the Lunkers

"PULL UP! PULL UP! PULL UP! DON'T SINK! DON'T SINK! DON'T SINK!" -- automatic low-altitude cockpit announcement, Boeing 737 series 300

"We've got this -- what is it -- Buffcoat and Beaver or Beaver and something else -- I haven't seen it, I don't watch it, but whatever it is, it was at 7 -- Buffcoat -- and they put it on now at 10:30". -- Senator Ernest Hollings to Janet Reno, on new child-safe time slot for "Beavis and Butthead"

"How DARE you on 'Entertainment Tonight' show a woman in leather chains whipping the bare bottom of a man bound to a torture rack. How DARE you at CBS plan a prime-time mini-series where two brothers SHOTGUN THEIR PARENTS TO DEATH. How DARE you at MTV entice youth with your music and then show them 29 VIOLENT IMAGES AN HOUR." -- extracted from a full page advertisement entitled "WE ARE OUTRAGED!", Donald E. Wildmon's anti-TV-violence-save-them-childrens goon squad, which once again appeared in the Detroit Free Press/News comics section

"After that, the runway ended and the plane jumped up into the air, and I think it broke in half and started to burn. A wing fell off, and a panic broke out, which is usual in such situations." -- Marcin Bronikowski, passenger, Lufthansa flight 2904

"We...we did, if, the, I, I, the stories are just as they have been said. They're outrageous and they're not so." -- Bill Clinton, confronted on a radio talk show with allegations of marital infidelity

"Believing that true love waits, I make a commitment to God, myself, my family, those I date, my future mate, and my future children to be sexually pure until the day I enter a covenant marriage relationship." -- True Love Waits campaign, Nashville Baptist Sunday School Board (1-800-LUV-WAIT)

"Eat lead, Cobra!" -- one of over 300 Teen Talk Barbies whose sound chips had been swapped with Talking Duke G.I. Joes by the Manhattan-based Barbie Liberation Organization, and then returned to store shelves to be repurchased by unsuspecting consumers (none have been returned)

"Coming up next: Kurt Cobain and his family, lying on the floor, dead." -- a confused and/or tipsy Robin Leach on the TV Food Network (94apr16)

USE REAL SUGAR If you know what's good for you -- sugar packet threat

WARNING -- This carton has been sealed with pilfer-proof tape; If this seal is broken check contents before acceptance.

Trust the Gorton's fisherman.

DANGER: Trainmen not allowed on top or side of cars.

This candy container is also a cute little toy. -- Hello Kitty candy thing

It's REAL CHICKEN!

Washable, flexible, reusable.

Straps on easily.

ALPO Cat Food has been carefully formulated to provide your cat with the nutritional equivalent of a seven-course meal.

Round and ribbed, the flesh is a rich orange and fine grained, and the skin is bright orange.

If the seed in this packet fails to grow a great-tasting vegetable, we will refund the price on the packet.

Unsulphured--mild flavor. -- Grandma's Molasses

The "Surprise" Natural Flavor -- Grandma's Molasses

The undersigned hereby certifies and represents to the Sellers and the State of Indiana that the following items purchased shall not be used or sold in any unlawful manner. The undersigned stated that the merchandise obtained is purchased under one or more of the following conditions: That any fireworks purchased shall not be sold nor used in any manner inconsistent with the laws of the State of Indiana; That he intends to ship the items directly out of the State of Indiana within five (5) days of the date of purchase and agrees to use these items in conformity with the laws of the state of destination; That the items purchased are to be used by railroad or other transportation agencies for signal purposes or illumination; That the items purchased are to be sold for signal or ceremonial purposes in athletic or sporting events; That the items purchased are to used by military organizations; The items purchased are to be used in the practice of religious beliefs and/or during the course of any religious ceremony; Said items purchased are to be used for agricultural purposes as set forth in 68 Stat., 171.93; The items purchased are to be used in as an expression of an idea, thought, or speech of the Purchaser. -- Purchaser's agreement, Indiana Fireworks Distributors Association

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