Pig Parts: The Arizona State Fair 2004 (page 1 of 7).
These are animal schematics drawn by 4-H members and then submitted for judging by some other group of people who know from pig parts. Unfortunately, for the first few drawings, I forgot to note who did them. If I squint at the teeny-tiny name in the upper-left corner it looks like "Catherine Mollusk." I don't think that's right.
This pig sort of looks like a restaurant shaped like a pig. I don't know why Kunstler dislikes these types of buildings. Who could resist a building shaped like a donut, for example?
Dushane Sullivan? Dushannon? Dushanni? I am sorry, D. Sullivan. But congratulations on your First Premium award for "Parts of Sheep." Mmmm, brisket.
There were many types of artistic leanings on display at the state fair. The backward spelling at the base of this piece indicates the artist's opposition to the horrific policies of this madman. The upside-down pentagram in the upper-right corner also expresses an opposition to right-side-up pentagrams which are totally not cool.
Originally I didn't notice that in this piece (by Schuyler Graham) the name of the glue is "Love All." There is nothing that can bring the earth together more than a liberal application of seventeen kascrillion tons of glue. It's hard to lift up a gun, or anything really. Don't dilute! Ok!
Here is a favorite of mine (by Helanna Weinstein) which I noticed a few people enjoying, but it mysteriously got 4th place. The decision of the judges for any of these pieces is now regarded with disdain.
There were several of these types of collage pieces (this one is by Mackenzie Bayuk) and they're just so fun. Unfortunately I get the feeling that these are the first to get chucked because the third dimension can be so unwieldly and non-fileable sometimes. Parents: do not chuck your children's artwork. If you must throw it away, take digital photos of all of it then lovingly give your freshly-graduated teenager the CDR.
That whole videotaping thing, though? That's wack. Is wack bad? That's what I meant. I'm totally grateful that my mom had no interest in using any type of motion picture recording technology during my childhood. There are maybe three 8mm/16mm films in which I appear for approximately thirty-nine seconds. HERE, LET'S WATCH TOGETHER! [grabs your arm tightly] ROLL 'EM!
This was one of my favorite pieces, created by Angelia Knaack. There wasn't really a good angle to shoot from or I didn't try hard enough, you decide which.
I also liked this one especially because I remember dealing with this sort of medium when I was in school. You color the entire canvas in a mix of several different colors, then you paint over it, then you scratch away the paint to reveal the color underneath, or it's wax you scratch away. Anyway, it's multi-layered and there's some mixing and scratching. Anyway, I didn't like working with that sort of material. I'm still feeling kind of pouty about it. Anyone who can work with this sort of material gets my respect.
The Jackpot Casino awaits! I know you probably hated doing perspective drawings in third grade, but I killed. Other students were asking me to draw big words floating in the sky. Do not underestimate my "mad" perspective-drawing skillz.
This piece (by Shaun Soethe) just had the right colors I wanted to see at that time. Also: bananas.
Next year I'm going to bring some dollar bills and hide them in pieces of artwork like this.
A glance at The Arizona State Fair Guide indicates we came several days too early to see Carrot Top, the prop-oriented comedian who has appeared in a series of long-distance commercials for which he was mysteriouly not jailed and broken on the wheel. Or it's broken, then placed on a wheel. That thing with the wheel. Didn't happen. Anyway, instead of that, he's subjecting a large willing crowd to his worldview. And this is grandstand seating, I'm sure that's going to work gangbusters with a prop comedian. "See this here fuzzy distant object that you can't see? This here's a WEAPON OF MULCH DESTRUCTION! HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW"
I'm not sure that's the actual name of it -- The Arizona State Fair Guide -- because sometimes I have a tendency to ram whatever I'm holding up against my face when I'm lost in thought and the slick printed cover was "interacting" with the sunscreen lotion applied on my delicate features, so I ripped the cover off. I suffered several third-degree red ink stains all over my high-profile, model-quality cheekbones.
When people talk about how the cheekbone flesh of certain fishtypes is the best part to eat, for some reason I find it uproariously funny. "Cheekbone flesh." "Cheek flesh."
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