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Arizona Deep-Fried State Fair (2).

foot trailer vendor

The guy who was manning this booth seemed very at-ease, he didn't creep me out like a lot of the other booths with people whose mortgage was riding on sales of the Health-O-Vac-Lyzer 2000.

"Hey, can I take a picture of your feet?"
"Sure! You want me to take the sign off?"
"No, that's why I'm taking the photo."
"You ... [double-take] you what? Why?"
[click] "Thanks!" [SFX: escaping into crowd]

mackinac fudge

Perhaps you can read the small sign to the left: "NEW FUDGE BUNDLES." "Bundles" is so 1996 ... Burger King© Burger Bundles™. Nobody knew what a bundle meant in terms of burger technology so they all ran away home going "wee wee wee." Or maybe it was the 50% saturated fat. Really, 50%. I know you think I make up all this stuff. Your disbelief makes me sad. And hungry.

Fudge. Right. Well, anyone with any fudge cred knows Mackinac fudge is Ryba's Fudge, end of sentence, because they put magical fudge dust in, I guess. It's been awhile since I've been to Mackinac Island and given how incredibly large this world is I don't think I'll be back anytime soon. I like watching fudge being made more than eating fudge. The fudge creeps to the edge of the marble and you're rooting for it "Come on! COME ON FUDGE!" but the fudge scooper person always gets there in time.

Five flavors, three with nuts. You know all about my little problem with nuts. Though this is probably the first time I've ever seen a flavor with the suffix "NO NUT" in it (it's down on the bottom: "CHOCOLATE NO NUT"). Kudos to that.

I mentioned to the lady running the booth that I had lived in Michigan at one time and she used that to dovetail right into a lite sales pitch and I thought, secretly to myself, "oh, I hadn't thought of that. I could purchase a piece of fudge and then I'll be magically transported back to my idyllic days in The Winter Wonderland."

disembodied head on a pike so very scary

YAH! Now imagine this thing slowly crawling toward you. Now imagine the place smells like someone just recently vomitted. One out of two, my friend.

televac 62000 again

No. It's impossible. ANOTHER one? I was tempted to try each of them with the exact same signature card and compare the results, but I spent the four dollars on drugs instead. Can you imagine these two guys as they're setting up? "Oh man, I have got this fair locked, personality-analysis wise ... OH GOD NO IT'S [JED/TIMMY] ... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" If I had to man this booth, I'd buy some fudge from the fudge people, chop it up, and gobble it down. I mean, set it out on the tables. Have some free fudge, and can I interest you in a personality analysis from 1953? [SFX: beepboopbeepbeepbeepboop... (You know the sound I'm talking about, in movies when they had to represent "hi-tech" back in the 1970's they'd show a tape reel chunking back and forth and there'd be this constant hi-pitched beeping and booping in the background and I am here to tell you that that never happens because I've loaded those tape drives. I think the telecommunications industry is still using those dinosaurs. That and the Compuvac 62000, naturally. I mean Televac. 6200. 0.)]

YOUR PERSONALITY ANALYSIS: Your approach to life is unconventional and original. Perhaps you would like some taffy?

I forgot to ask the guy if it would do my Biorhythm Chart.

modern kachina

Then we went to art judging area and this piece jumped out at my girlfriend. A nice twist on the Kachina. I'd buy something from the artist if I had money and I wasn't in Rapid Deacquisition Mode.

rabbit blur

The live animal exhibits included sheep, cattle, and rabbits. This rabbit was very excited to see us or thought we were large walking pieces of food.

rabbit ear tattoo

This rabbit had a tattoo inside of its ear, making all of you ink-obsessed zombies look like little tattoo babies. This is a rabbit on the edge, a rabbit who can stare down the void and not flinch and then scratch its head with one its rear feet soooo cute, awwwww. But the scratching was very edgy.

Most of the rabbits were on sale for $20-$40. Each of the cards that went with the rabbits had little categories to circle: "Buck / Doe / Sr. / 6-8 / Jr. / Pre-Jr. / Fryer / Meat Pen / Fur"

I think I'd be a "Meat Pen." Just a hunch. That's good, right?


While we were watching the judging of ewe pairs one caged ewe bleated continuously. Cracked us up, so I had to get a photo. I'm guessing that it was a "spare." Not really into the judging livestock "scene," esp. after seeing goats being judged at the California State Fair, with their overly-bloated non-milked udders squirting away while they walked because the udders were rubbing against their legs. "But a ridiculously-overly full udder sways the judges," you say. Wonderful. Sway away. From me.

sheep wearing coat

I think the coat is to keep newly-sheared sheep warm. Or it's to keep recently-styled wool lookin' fresh. I saw a woman obsessed with a small tuft of a hair on a cow, spending a good two minutes styling it. This is where my theories come from. Direct observation.

two sheeps

These two ... they were like rocks. They stood there, noble, proud. Leadership qualities evident in their posture, their demeanor. Then a woman came around to feed them and they backed up while making tenative moves to leave -- the woman made it clear that they were not to leave and they were both like "okay, got it" and back to nobility. I give you both the Premium Award For Being Solid Gold Folks.

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