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Eventually You'll Get Pretend Cancer:
The Bizarre World of Candy Cigarettes

"Reach For A Lucky Instead Of A Sweet
Unless That Sweet Is A Lucky Or Something Like That"

For the past 100 years, a variety of chocolate, candy, and bubble-gum confections have been manufactured that simulate the appearance of actual cigarettes. For the first 65 or so years, the major cigarette corporations either looked the other way or took an active part in ensuring that the candy package reproductions were "faithful" to their less-appealing tobacco brothers. For some reason, a lot of people believe candy cigarettes were "totally outlawed" in the United States sometime in the past, when in actuality, the major players have remained one step ahead of governmental regulation via sluggish self-policing and a strong commitment to what ESPN would call "Extreme Hiding." The links below will take you on a magical tour through the world of the only candy product that sells so much more than itself.

Timeline | Purchasing | Letters | Links

If you have an extremely macho connection, you could look at the big thumbnail page and see all of the candy cigarettes at one time. The people who hang around here have gotten used to calling it the BIG CANDY SMOKIN' THUMB.

The Case Of The Mysterious Candy Cigarette Case With The Mysterious Two Hands That Was Terribly, Terribly Mysterious And Weird Also

Special thanks to Max, Marci, Molly, Trixie, Deuce, Hannah C, Soosan, Larry H, Tom L, Super B, Bigrig, Paul L, Julie W, Fishstick, Leslie H, Scott B,, Roto D, Marc T, Krishna, Cock I, and anyone else I've forgotten.