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Sekurity condoms ($168).

Sekurity condoms ($168)
Patent #287568 is for a “pulley, roller, or wheel,” which doesn’t seem very condom-centric. However, there are many other exciting condom-related patents, such as patent #7086646 “Kissing shield game and method of use thereof,” patent “Vacuum assisted relief system (VARS).” Of course all of these are available for viewing at the US Patent Office whenever they decide to get their heads out of Quicktime’s ass. Static images ... viewed with a movie player ... yes. Brilliant. Can I get another order of hoops, please?

I love reading this crap, though. “The condom of claim 1 wherein the male genitalia desensitizing agent is benzocaine.” This is from patent #7086403, “Condom with male genital desensitizer lubricant,” because of the problem with condoms heightening sensitivity.

And years later, I got a clue and searched the trademark database. Somehow, even though I've been struggling with the database ("TESS") the last week looking for other things, this was immediately barfed up. Filed May 13, 1931, reigstered September 29. "(REGISTRANT) DEAN RUBBER MANUFACTURING COMPANY CORPORATION MISSOURI 16TH AND IRON STREETS NORTH KANSAS CITY MISSOURI" just like that.