La Cubana Sociedad Anónima de Capital Variable.

Nogal 187
Mexico City, Mexico 6400

Current products (last confirmed 2002): Manhattan, Guns, www.cubana.com, La Cubana Racing Team, Simpson & Hudson, Choco Space
Current products (last confirmed 2001): Los Vaqueros Del Norte, Sport Benton, Panthers, Cougars, Jeans

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La Cubana's cigarros de chocolate product packaging is the closest you can get to real cigarettes. Foil, pull string, tax stamp, cellophane wrap, it's all there. It's also the heaviest chocolate cigarette package that money can buy (around USD 1.45). They are also very chalky; if you strapped one of these babies to a paint shaker for awhile and then poured out the residue, it would have the same composition (and taste) as Hershey's Cocoa.

These packages have the U.S. standard nutrition label (in both Spanish and English), which seems to indicate that they're in, or eyeing, the American market.

Ingredients: azucar, cacao, manteca de cacao, leche entera en polvo y vainilla

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Manhattan.

June 1999.

This pack was sent to me by intrepid reader Julie W (they were purchased in Oaxaca), who then promptly forgot she had sent them. When she got the package back in the mail around two months later, she thought it was a mailbomb. Explosivo!

While I was in Tijuana (July 2001), I found six other La Cubana packages, but not this one. Perhaps the Marlboro people have cracked some heads. Probably not.

It took a month for the package to travel from NY to CA via USPS. "Service" is our last name.

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Guns.

June 1999.

This brand is based on the "Boots" brand of Mexican cigarettes.

There's not much that's more macho than guns, my friend. If this pack ever snuck across the U.S. border, it would be immediately arrested.

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Los Vaqueros Del Norte.

Tijuana, Mexico - July 2001.

The horse is falling over because it doesn't have strong enough legs. Hold on, vaquero! Del Norte!

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Sport Benton.

Tijuana, Mexico - July 2001.

Motorcycles. Also macho.

Benton? Like Benson & Hedges?

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Panthers.

Tijuana, Mexico - July 2001.

Panthers. Macho.

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Cougars.

Tijuana, Mexico - July 2001.

Cougars? Macho? Yes. Macho.

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Jeans.

Tijuana, Mexico - July 2001.

Jeans. Not macho.

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WWW.CUBANA.COM.

Guanajuato, Mexico - 2002.

These next four packages were picked up in Guanajuato by Excitement Machine. Try Excitement Machine in your next pie or cake recipe. Excitement Machine.

Cubana.com is "under construction."

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La Cubana Racing Team.

Guanajuato, Mexico - 2002.

In addition to using knock-off brand names, why not create designs that remind one of cigarette-sponsored sports?

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Simpson & Hudson.

Guanajuato, Mexico - 2002.

I think they've got the Benson & Hedges angle pretty much covered.

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Choco Space.

Guanajuato, Mexico - 2002.

Scientists have believed until recently that all the universal cosmic matter out there has been travelling not at a constant speed, but slowing down from the initial "Big Bang." But recently, it has been determined that this matter -- stars, galaxies, etc -- is actually speeding up. To their surprise, the people in clean white lab coats have discovered that the "gaps" between these heavenly bodies is filled with a delicious chocolate substance. It is called CHOCO SPACE and is traditionally written in a goofy font.