The Strive for Mediocrity
by Ray Eifler

The on-going self-help series that details how you can be more a part of mainstream America.

Chapter I: The Secret of Mediocrity. Why is it that some people continue to be mediocre while you succeed? Often we find ourselves unable to go bowling because we are doing something constructive. We feel so left out, so ashamed. "Why can't I drive a Fiero? Why can't I watch Wheel of Fortune?" you scream in agony and shame. Well, take a deep breath and rest, help is on the way. Today we'll discuss what makes one mediocre, the advantanges of mediocrity, and the simple exercises you can do to start yourself off on the road to your new-found ... mediocrity. The mediocre person is not a complex individual. He or she (henceforth referred to in the generic masculine "he") is happy and content in the knowledge that his efforts are rewarded with a weekly salary. He wishes he could make more money, but accepts the fact that it just isn't meant to be. He likes Top 40 music (doesn't everybody?) and gets rowdy at parties. His hobby is TV, and what better hobby - nothing is so different and entertaining day after day. He eats pizza because he knows it's good for him. He drives his small, underpowered American car in the left lane, oblivioius to the others behind him. Sound like paradise? It is! Soon, you'll be on your way to a new life, and a mediocre one at that. The advantages of being mediocre should be self-evident. There is no longer the nagging job pressure. You're doing well enough to survive. You no longer have to "keep up with the the Jones'," they no longer being in your class of people. You get to hang around with people who are just like you! Worrying about exercise is a thing of the past. Either you do some or you don't - end of story. Countless others make the advantages too numerous to list. Convinced? Good, let's start on the road to mediocrity right away. Exercise I: Eat With the Clown We'll start easy with Exercise I, A short exercise to help mold your new mediocre shell of life. First, gather up your family, friends, or anyone who likes you, and take them to McDonald's. That's right. Participation in this activity will propel you forward on the right path. It's simple and economical. Don't forget to try whatever new food item McDonald's has introduced in your area. Get it for "here" and enjoy, happy in the knowledge that your first exercise was a success.

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