The Miscellaneous Bullshit Page.

This is where I rant about things that I hate, that don't fit on the other pages of things I hate.  Enjoy.

Table of Contents
While you wait.
'Reporting LIVE...'
The word 'interactive'
Back to 'Ravings of Madmen'

'While you wait'.  You see that little catch-phrase everywhere.  What does it mean?  It has come to imply that something is going to be done immediately, a shoe shine or an oil-change while you wait.
But it doesn't really say that, does it?  I mean, if it takes three days for some clown to change your oil, you're still gonna wait for it, right?  You'll just take the bus home and wait, but wait you will.

'Hey, man, I'm still waiting to get my car back.  The sign says While You Wait.  Why are you making me wait for my car?'

When I open my own dental office, I want to put a sign out front with a little guy saying 'Dentistry done while you wait!'  Most people are so unable to think, it will probably be great for business. Maybe spray-paint the side of a big dead animal- "Composting While You Wait".  Or an ice-hut on the edge of a glaicer- 'Big Rocks!  Made to Order While You Wait!' christ. 

"MiscellaneousBullshit" Table of Contents

Why are  TV reporters always reporting live from someplace?  Is it supposed to make us think that they were out looking for a story, and found one?  For the love of christ, they usually get sent to the place after a story comes over the wire or the phone.  The live reporters aren't usually doing anything except standing around where something happened.
I've seen live reports from stores that were robbed six hours ago, or scenes of gunbattles that ended earlier that day, I even saw a live report from a guy walking around a college campus where a girl was attacked the night before.  Are these idiots providing any information at all by being at a remote location?
I think reporters get sent out on these missions of folly simply because the technology exists.  This is the same mindset that leads people to clog their personal web pages with animated graphics and banners just because they can.  A little technology goes a long way... towards pissing me off when it's being used without reason or purpose. 

"MiscellaneousBullshit" Table of Contents

Interactive, interACTIVE, inter-fucking-active.  I'm tired of hearing it.  Everything has the word interactive attached to it, like the 'lite' stuck on food labels before the FDA crackdown on that crap.  Oooooohh, an interactive website, interactive TV, even interactive CDs. Sorry, folks, a machine's response is not an interaction, as far as I'm concerned. If it was, my old typewriter is interactive.  I press the 'Q' and the typewriter interacts by putting a little 'Q' on the paper.  That's at least as interactive as an interactive compact disc.
    Taken to a ludicrous extreme (inevitable!), I guess everything is interactive.  I pick up a rock, and it responds by being picked up.  Then, I look at it and it responds by reflecting light into my eye.  When I drop it, it interacts by summoning gravity to hurtle it back to Earth.  If my foot's in the way, we interact when it gives me a little pain (like so many things).
    Check out my new line of interactive toys... a pile of rocks! 

"MiscellaneousBullshit" Table of Contents

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