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It's like water, but it costs money 2001feb28. H30 Extreme Water. USA.

Perhaps you've noticed the TOTALLY EXTREME amount of products on the shelves these days bearing the "extreme" descriptor. I've seen extreme razors, extreme masking tape, extreme trucks, you name it, it's extreme.

But I can't think of anything less extreme than water.

I asked Staff Chemist Dr. Scott Berk to closely examine this product and deliver unto us his conclusions.

Some people believe that drinking very dilute solutions of hydrogen peroxide is really good for you. Hydrogen peroxide is formed when ozone reacts with water. In large amounts, it will kill you. It is mainly used as an anti-bacterial agent, like bleach.

H3O is . . . complete bullshit, especially in the context of oxygenated water. You have a solution of H2O2 in H2O. H3O+ is the positively charged specicies you get when you add acid to water. It has nothing to do with extra oxygen, just an extra proton!

Ozone helps out with the "purity" . . . by killing germs! Basically "oxygenating" them to death. It can do this with your tissue as well, but the oxygen freaks think small doses will clean you out, leaving you "recharged". Ask Michael Jackson about oxygen treatments.

Before I forget: I don't want to cause a panic here, but that's actually regular water in the H3O container. It's like prop water, creating a seamless integrated web surfing experience. STUNT WATER.

Also, I have heard that advertisers are finally turning away from this "extreme" nonsense and are now embracing "authenticity", because it's yet another thing they don't have. The trend after that is going to be putting spuriously-named blue specks in everything again. Then the one after that is "saucy" ("mmmm, this masking tape sure is saucy, grandma!"), then "near-death experiences", then I think "candy apple metalflake". Watch for it!