Jackass Squeaks!

The jackass, in this case, is me. These are snippets from a recent Bman newsletter (inexplicably called 'JackRabbit Speaks'), interspersed with my cynical commentary.

Welcome to the Jack Rabbit Speaks....etc....142 days until the start of
Burning Man.

"\<>/ - 0 - Trace" = Candy tins make good portable ashtrays. Keep one in
your pocket and one at your camp. The only butts on the playa should have
skin on them.

Yes, and CLOTHES, please. This is the brief 'intro' section which contains useful information. It is over. On to the next parts.

CAFE workers needed!

Hey, cool, maybe I can get a part-time job during my four days in the desert? I wonder what the pay is like... read on.

To accommodate our larger city population... acoustic music stages, and a
far-increased staff during the event. We need your help to make the Café a
true gathering point for our community!

Couldn't we best help by just gathering there?

+++ NEEDED NOW +++

= Artists - The café will be an oasis of art and culture in the American
desert. We need this art, along with artistic help with the structure.

So, bring my art? Isn't that what everybody is supposed to be doing? Oh, you mean bring decorations for your center camp, so when the media lounges about, they'll just assume it's all YOUR doing. I get it!

= Decorators - Parts of the structure will have defined themes: an ancient
middle eastern coffee house, a Chinese tea room, an English Café from the
1800th century (A Penny University), and a fourth time period--possibly the

Excuse me, I'm pretty sure the 1800th century IS in the future.

We need a volunteer for each of these spaces to make them their
personal creations at Burning Man, and to bring the "rooms" alive.

See above *decorating* comment. Also note the subtle introduction of the word *volunteer*. The LLC that operates BMan, that takes your ticket money, that has HALF A MILLION DOLLARS in year-round salaries on the books, is asking you not only to buy a ticket, but to help build their part of the event. It gets better...

= Electricians and lighting designers - Our structure will be only as
impressive as our lighting makes it at night. It's going to require both a
technically skilled hand and an artistic mind to make the Café a city
landmark, and a comfortable place for citizens to hang out, talk, and meet
one another.

In other words, come work for us, but you're on your own.


= Builders - Strong arms, an innovative mind and the ability to work hard and
long in desert conditions. Engineers and architects are especially sought
and will have fun building the epic and innovative structure we are planning.

Yeah, I'd love to further enjoy my vacation by working for you, for free.


= Baristas - Are you the fastest Barista at your local café? Think you can
handle any rush? We have rushes like few cafes have ever seen, and need
people who were born behind a three group espresso machine.
= Counter People - These volunteers pour coffee, take orders, and run around
like the world is ending in the service of getting everyone their drinks. We
need a staff who, along with partying hard and having fun, is willing to work
= Espresso equipment technicians - Espresso equipment has a nasty habit of
not dealing well with dust. We need someone on the radio at all times to
rush in and save the day when our machines go down when 500 eager
participants await their coffee.
= Recycling help - The Café produces many tons of coffee grounds, empty
paper cups and plastic containers, all of which can be recycled or burned.
We need help processing these items, and for this we need folks who are
willing to dive right in and make themselves useful. It's a hard job, but is
at the very core of what the Cafe and Burning Man are all about.
= Entertainers - The Café as the center of culture at Burning Man needs to be
alive with music and artistic endeavor. We need musicians, storytellers,
poets, dancers, and all those who express their spirit freely. There will be
no Center Stage, but rather a number of small intimate stages spread about
the Café for acoustic music and spoken word performances.

In other words, they need a staff of volunteers to operate the cafe which will be built by a separate staff of volunteers. Picking up on the theme, here? It's not just me being cynical- these folks really expect you to come build & operate their monopolistic little coffee-tent for them. Sadly, some of you will do just that.


We always in need of inexpensive building materials and other mishmash,
especially bamboo and flag materials. If you have an especially good source
for these, be sure to pass it along to us! We're also looking for an
additional 25,000-sq. ft. of Astroturf to make our Café comfortable.
Somewhere on this coast is a football field that is throwing away piles of
old Astroturf, and we need to find it!

WE? WE didn't write this, YOU did, asking US to do your legwork scrounging up freebies.

In the past we have used vendors who were not part of the Burning Man
community for the Cafe. This went greatly against the grain of the project's
spirit, and we are trying our best to find a commercial coffee roaster,
equipment supplier and small dairy from the extended population of Black Rock
City. Please contact us ASAP if you have a lead for us here.

Translation: Anybody got free/cheap coffee & supplies that our volunteers can sell at the Cafe they built?

We ARE selling $145, $165, $185 and $200 tickets. ALL levels are
being purchased, which is a good thing. THANK you for those that see the
civic minded option and contribute what you CAN.

It's worth mentioning that these tix are all identical. BMan just gives you the option of paying MORE if you CAN. These people nauseate me. 'Please pay more if you CAN, so we can put better air-conditioning in our office! Thanks for being part of our radical social experiment!' It doesn't sound like anything new to me.

We are still finishing data
inputting and have a crew of volunteers coming in tomorrow to continue the
process. Thank YOU for your patience....the tickets are in the mail. ;-)

This is the NINTH mention of Bman Corporation's volunteer work force. These hapless wannabees probably think they are part of a social revolution- 'yeah, man, it'll all get done by volunteers! this is so beautiful!'

Meanwhile, the for-profit Bman LLC is using volunteer labor to produce & operate their only commodity. Well, except for T-shirts & videos, and that dreadful coffee-table book.

Urgent questions about your ticket order can be sent to
mailto:custserv@burningman.com. This is a NOWHINING zone.

I can't even whine about the privately-announced very-low-price tix, which were snatched up by insiders for two weeks before they went public? OK, I won't whine about that [both middle fingers flying].

If you checked out the cafe page on burningman.com you'd have seen one
photo from this web site.
http://www.panmagic.com/panburningman.html It takes a little time to load
the page, bandwidth is a GOOD thing.

They guy probably can't affford such a nice web-server as you guys, since he pays his employees! Or do you get server-space for free, too? Does BMan pay for ANYTHING with our ticket money? I mean besides fattening themselves up.

Burning Man will continue to encourage participants to stay connected [to our propaganda machine!] via
the newsletter and Jack Rabbit Speaks. The traffic on this email announcement list is hardly high enough to warrant leaving when the content is so valuable...that being said...if you [are so terribly UN-cool that you] MUST remove yourself from the information stream please do so by:

OFF email: mailto:bman-announce-unsubscribe@burningman.com

those wanting ON the bus: mailto:bman-announce-subscribe@burningman.com

oooooh, THE BUS! How Ken Kesey! Except the Merry Pranksters didn't rip people off and chide them into working for free, to be part of the clique. But at least a gratuitous Kesey reference will keep the drug-addled spectators feeling like they belong at BMan. Just like Fubu uses young urban blacks to lure their true target market (middle-class white kids), the few remaining participants at BMan are just bait to lure the true market- SPECTATORS.