Dr. Cliff Interviews Dr. Ducky DooLittle!
| I chose an electronic dialogue with Dr. Ducky DooLittle to open the 'interview' section of this
website. From one 'not-really-a-doctor' to another! Dr. Ducky DooLittle is a self-proclaimed scientist and doctor of Sexology. She is also a writer and publisher of erotica, fetishism and other sexual-scientific eccentricities. Her written work has appeared in countless national magazines. Ducky has toured the nation performing, and has been featured in/on The Howard Stern Show, HBO's Sex Bytes, Talk Soup, The Sally Jessy Raphael Show, Detour Magazine, SF Weekly, LA Weekly, Bikini Magazine, The New York Times Magazine and many more. Born, whelped and mildly educated amidst the tundra of Minnesota, Ducky DooLittle earned her Degree of Life navigating the boards of male fantasy and bodily exhibition as a live peepshow girl. Migrating to the blighted theme park known as New York City, Ducky began her performance and literary crusade. Onstage she uses insightful flip charts and deviant humor to define psychosexual disorders, human and animal genitalia, masturbation machines, foot fetishism (with a live demonstration as she sucks another woman's foot), amazing objects removed from human rectums, among other things. She has a dirty mouth and uses it, but only in the name of science! Ducky's alter ego and evil nemesis, Knockers the Klown, has developed a reputation all her own. Knockers is famous for her twisted sex-related stunts and pranks. Her appearance on The Sally Jessy Raphael Show has left much of America scarred, as she easily convinced the audience that she could not orgasm unless she was wearing grease paint, explained that rubber chickens are ribbed for her pleasure and that she could easily fit a condom over her foot. (beats me why!). On Howard Stern's show, Knockers had him over her knee and proceeded to spank him with a rubber chicken while he squealed like a pig. To date, Knockers has snuffed out more than 150 flaming birthday cakes with her butt. |
| Dr. Cliff: Tell us a little about your decision to become a crackpot scientist, rather than opting for a more traditional doctoral degree. What are the pros and cons of your career choice? | |||||||||
| Dr. Ducky: As a teenager, I enjoyed smoking cigarettes and getting tattoos more than
all the other girls, ummm... I mean, scientists. So I dropped out of structured learning and became a sexual field
scientist. Since then I have quit smoking, but continue on with my studies with more passion than ever. The best part about not going to college has been that I have more time than anyone I know to study my expertise! When you don't have to get up in the morning or read 5 chapters of some text book, you can spend that time having sex. I've learned about things a book could never teach you! The worst part about my path of study is that I don't spell things right. |
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| Dr. Cliff: Do you recall any early experiences which may have foreshadowed your success at this point in your life? Did you, perhaps, fall onto a cake as a child? | |||||||||
| Dr. Ducky: As a child I had a remarkable ability to convince people to do bad things. I still possess that ability. It is the gift of beign a bad influence. For example, I was Queen of Spin the Bottle. If you ever visit the state of Minnesota, where I grew up, you can drop my name and watch almost everyone blush. I've seen them all naked. As a clown it is essential. Ernesto the Clown is still mad at me for convincing him it was a good idea to piss himself on stage. | |||||||||
| Dr. Cliff: I notice you spell Klown with a K. Is that homage to the art of Kar Kustomizing, exemplified by Big Daddy Ed Roth? Would you pay $5 for a ride in the Batmobile (the one from the old TV show)? | |||||||||
| Dr. Ducky: I spell Knockers the Klown with a K because the other clowns taught me to. It's important, when you're a clown, not to ask too many questions. I don't think you'd see me sporting around in that bat car. I'm not much of a consumer. I'll take the bus for $1.50. Unless the car was going to say, another state that I wanted to be in (which would cost maybe $50 on the bus) then I'd pay $5 and take the bat car. But I don't know how to drive a car, I'd need a driver, right? | |||||||||
| Dr. Cliff: You've postulated that as many as half the women in the country are wearing the wrong bra size. Why is That? I mean, most folks can pick out the right size shoes, pants, etc. Any quick tips for our readers to check for a proper fit? Is bra-fitting a one-person job, or should women take someone bra-shopping with them? | |||||||||
| Dr. Ducky: The reason women don't measure themselves is because they have put the bra sizing in an impossible number/letter code. I have cracked the bra size code! The best way to find out is to go to a big department store like Macy's, or a fine lingerie shop and let some old woman grope you up and measure your rack. | |||||||||
| Dr. Cliff: As Ginger Vitis, you have promoted proper oral care to America's nightclub population. At what point did you realize performance art's potential for for addressing public health concerns? Perhaps the National endowment for the Arts and the Department of Public Health could co-sponsor a series of shows. | |||||||||
| Dr. Ducky: More than being about proper hygiene, the Ginger Vitis show is about sex. Hygiene and sex go hand in hand. For example, just a few of the hygiene products that have been removed from human rectums include: a jar of cold cream, a hair brush, toothbrush, a square can of baby powder... the list goes on and on. | |||||||||
| Dr. Cliff: Focusing again on oral health for a moment, what's your favorite sticky, sugary treat? Limit your response to things eaten; things sat upon are the topic of a separate question. | |||||||||
| Dr. Ducky: I don't eat much sugar. I like Diet Pepsi. That is the secret point behind the cake-snuffing show, I am destroying the cake...I don't like to eat it. | |||||||||
| Dr. Cliff: Have you been approached with any legitimate offers to bare your bosom for a magazine or in a video? Would that lie within the realm of crackpot sexology? Do you do anything special to maintain your legendary anatomy? | |||||||||
| Dr. Ducky: Do you think I do all my photo shoots in back alleys? I ahve ben asked
to do work by tons of magazines and production companies. I first started doing topless shoots in 1989. I have
magazines that are already asking for retrospectives. Yikes! I still appear in many different porn magazines, but
I don't do naked photos these days. They pay me to do photos with my clothes on, so why should I take them off?
Upkeep? I wear a bra to bed, because I read that it worked for Marilyn Monroe. She said it keeps your boobs perky. She was loaded with glamour tips. |
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| Dr. Cliff: Crackpot scientist, Knockers the Klown, Ginger Vitis, what's next on the horizon for Dr. Ducky DooLittle? | |||||||||
| Dr. Ducky: I'm writing a pilot for TV right now. We'll see how that goes. I'm working on a book, doing lots of cheesecake photos, writing articles for magazines. Who knows what's ahead? | |||||||||
| Dr. Cliff: What must change in our culture, for 'sexologist' not to be a dirty word for the minions? Or are you comfortable with that perception? | |||||||||
| Dr. Ducky: I don't care what people think. I like being considered dirty. I am happy. If they are smart, they catch on and get happy (dirty) with me. | |||||||||
| Dr. Cliff: Would you come to Los Angeles twice a year, so that I could be your dentist? | |||||||||
| Dr. Ducky: I'm in L.A. a lot more than twice a year! | |||||||||