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2019 items of note: Mmmmmmmm


2019feb04.

2019feb13.

dude the amount of candy that would completely fill your gut is a rounding error

2019feb13.

yes but can you dial it in for me

2019feb14.

2019feb15.

R.I.P. my drill (1982-2019). You were the best, you beautiful bastard.

2019feb16.

in my defense: i have yet to approve "apps" on my cellphone for reasons so no cheating / was ticked off, not really in the moment singing w/the birds, talking to squirrels as usual etc

2019feb21.

what happened to the promise of spaghetticoke

2019feb24.

2019mar01.

2019mar12.

trying too hard. "oh you sell VANES"

2019mar13.

2019mar23.

There is a knocking sound coming from the front passenger side of my car. It is roughly 120bpm. Turns out it's something called a "blend door actuator," a little mechanical switch that moves a flap that changes the airflow in the car. It is SO IMPORTANT that my car tries to open/close this flap TWICE A SECOND and FAILS so it TRIES AGAIN and ALL THE TIME I'M DRIVING. No. No. No. No. No. Get a clue? It's just like Opera. "Do you want to update?" No. No. No. No. Ask five times, then GTFO ... you're a VENT that's hardly ever used, for a passenger.

I have started a tip jar thing, because I'm worth it.

2019may17.

the hell it does

2019may26.

Trailer credits, J T Leroy (2019).

2019jun02.

1997. Round filing old things.

2019jun03.

Lunch today ... a small cup of non-toxic seeds harvested from the deadly Randy Valencia Orange and a handful of Dr. Reddy's "Productive Coma" Novelty Foaming Kombucha Intelligelcaps

2019jun04.

Dagashi Kashi. RDC2 was such a rehash.

2019jun05.

casino dlc comin' ... gotta buy tons of those shart cards

2019jun08.

Quick design thing after seeing Kai Brach Twitter message. I'm groggy, give me big stupid icons.

2019jun11.

Over-designed ad for boner pills (Internet, 2019).

2019jun12.

Click, August 1939. "A Madcap Artist Makes Daffiness Pay." Woo woo. Woo. The whistles go woo.

2019jun15.

A recent video by Keiichi Matsuda presents the dystopia of an augmented workplace but I would argue that every single video I've seen broaching the augmented-reality task-helper worldspace gives me the jibblies and I'm so happy I'll be dead by the time it becomes mandatory. I told you I was happy, I just didn't tell you WHY I was happy. Anyway, bon appetit, suckers.

PS I'm not a monster of course I love the little dog on the shopping cart in Hyper-Reality and the updated Clippy in Merger. Buy a coco-nut to upgrade the kennel? "Fuck YEAH you are on my EXACT LEVEL OF STUPID" holy shit now the dog has a TOP HAT :HEART: :HEART: :HEART: GIZ ME THIS AR FUTURES NOW I DEMA(TFEKJF#^(@@ @@@@@@@@@NO CARRIER

2019jun17.

Running Sap Convention, 2017. I don't know, lots to go with here. [Farting noise], for one. "What is not Alain Nu," that's another right there.

2019jun20.

i thought we all decided that baby on board car alerts were verboten

there's been a sudden sharp uptick

are people fuckin' more

nevertheless i steadfastly remain unafraid of your exploding baby

2019jun21.

Came across this TV show listing for James Burke:

Stump the Scientist: featured an audience of children who questioned a panel of scientists in the hope of presenting a question they could not answer.

back of set giant scoreboard "SCIENTISTS 72 CHILDREN 0"

kids crying every episode as scientists decimate them

navy alarm buzzer

clown takes losing children to "tantrum grotto"

2019jul01.

shit's crazy (emerick candy company)

2019jul02.

precision screwdrivers or lightsabers

you kids like the start wars, doncha

"use the force, dude"

workin' my demo

ps is there a law against grouping JIS000 00 0 and PH000 00 0

2019jul07.

2019jul17.

Shadow of the Tomb Raider is an aggravating rail shooter that holds your hand so tightly you get hilarious bugs like this. They've coded it so whenever you're near a MUD patch you get this message ‒ over and over and over. Anything helpful. Did you know Lara can use the grapple hook like I mentioned the other seventeen times? In this scenario, I've found a nice hidey corner where I can just sit with my shotgun, instead of doing what the game wants me to do: get all MUDded up and go out unto the pasture, stealthing/stabbing my way to the exit. Naw, let them come to me, I have presents for everyone. So ... I'm just sitting on the MUD. The game wants to help me learn how to hide. The message remains on-screen while enemies swarm in, obstructing my view.

The game wants to help so much it ends up doing the exact opposite.

I finally finished the thing, just because they have little bits of code that take pity on you. "Awww jeez, this guy, he doesn't know how to kill the boss that instantly teleports to him and kills him. Twenty times now." I ended up pulling out a pistol out of sheer gamehate. Pew pew! Two shots, ridiculous boss god is dead. What? Whatever, quit, delete.

Oh god, right, I forgot, argumentative "gamers." The game was on normal difficulty, everything was default. I mean, even on "hold my hand 10x" setting, there should be some code like "if bullet path crosses through instructional text, perhaps turn off instructional text." You're welcome, let's see ... that'll be $670.00. I take dogecoin.

2019jul26.

Yucca Valley, California.

2019aug05.

El Cerrito North BART station, May 2019.

2019aug27.

2019sep01.

Tusko The Elephant: Pascall Chocolate Story Book Animals.

2019sep06.

Lady Betty Puddin'. Confectioners Journal, January 1922.

2019sep09.

shit's crazy (dominion chocolate co. limited, toronto)

2019sep13.

Untitled Goose Game, 2019.

2019sep22.

1929 Chump candy bar, Williamson Candy Company. The logo design is an ambigram, using the same word as a 1908 example that appeared in the Strand Magazine.

2019sep27.

Macros Book v0.1 (2020).

2019sep28.

you're the minister of tourism for malaysia, 2004

you need to convince people to come to your country

you get to make one pamphlet

get it all designed, four-color

have you said everything you need to say?

maybe add a quick parenthetical statement

2019oct08.

it's telling that the #1 job hunting book has a title suggesting you murder your prospective employers

bonus stage: what the hell is with that "n"

2019oct08.

FAMOUS CINEMATIC EGGS #37 To Catch A Thief (1955)

2019oct17.

FAMOUS CINEMATIC EGGS #22 To Catch A Thief (1955)

2019oct18.

FAMOUS CINEMATIC EGGS #17 Blade Runner (1982)

2019oct19.

FAMOUS CINEMATIC EGGS #24 Pee-wee's Big Adventure (1985)

2019oct21.

FAMOUS CINEMATIC EGGS #26 Cool Hand Luke (1967)

2019oct22.

FAMOUS CINEMATIC EGGS #43 Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968)

2019oct23.

FAMOUS CINEMATIC YANKEE SCREWDRIVERS #1 The Blues Brothers (1980)

2019oct27.

FAMOUS CINEMATIC YANKEE SCREWDRIVERS #3 Brazil (1985)

2019oct28.

"Oh! I'm Such a Dorg!" Presented by Stickney, Cotton & Co., Wholesale and Retail Dealers in COAL. 1880, Boston.

2019oct30.

1992. we go to canada. come back.

us border patrol: open your trunk. [fx: opens] what's this.
friend: whirlybirds (samara, whirligig etc).
agent: what.
friend (reaches in large bag, grabs big handful, lets them go, they whirlybird to the ground): whirlybirds!
agent: you can go.

---

2029. we go to canada. come back.

us border patrol robot: TRUNK OPEN. [fx: trunk opens] EXCESSIVE UNIDENTIFIED PLANT LIFE. JAIL TERM: SEVENTY-TWO PARENTHESIS OPEN SEVEN TWO PARENTHESIS CLOSE MONTHS.
friend: dang.

2019nov05.

Vas is der "Coffee Jelly Whips"? (Page & Shaw, ~1920s)

2019nov10.

Rock Lobster in reverse

2019nov17.

How a Ceramics Master Makes Plates for Michelin-Starred Restaurants ‒ Handmade

2019nov17.

Building the Moroccan Court ‒ The Met

2019nov17.

1929 James Chocolate Sealed Salt Water Taffy. Come for the wonderful typography, stay for the registered patent "CUT-TO-FIT-THE-MOUTH." That's a BESPOKE fitting, right? Like, I just show up at 1519 Boardwalk Atlantic City New Jersey, they measure me, and then jam the taffy in?

2019nov21.

shit's crazy

2019nov27.

2019nov29.

1992 promotional Apple Computer VHS Client/Server Computing VHS tape

2019nov29.

Skeuomorphing is usually wrong.

"[...] You can enjoy a warm and comfy winter without bothering. The portable heaters for the home always want to be your warm and quiet companion. We commits to providing first-class product and thoughtful after-sale service. [SIMULATED 3D FLAMES] ‒ The bedroom space heater has a life-like flame effect, which vividly emulates the combustion state of logs. The flame effect can be turned on without even turning on the heat mode. The space heater is powered by electricity, which is eco-friendly to the environment. You can enjoy the gorgeous fireplace view without burning any wood or coal. You don't have to suffer from ashes or smoke anymore. Chose [SKEUOTECH!], embrace a warm and clean winter!

2019dec01.

The Gold-plated Century Ball ("La Boule d'Or Centenaire") is displayed in an illuminated glass case in the floor of the station concourse with the object of drawing attention to nothingness and insignificance. In the next 100 years the ball will be taken out on the following eight dates and rolled 12 metres along a wooden gangway as a demonstration of transience: 9 May 2008, 5 June 2008, 18 September 2016, 28 August 2033 , 12 June 2064, 21 July 2082, 18 January 2097, 9 May 2108. It also made this journey outside a gambling casino in Hamburg on 26 April 2008. This video provides you with some atmospherical shots of Dieter Meier's performance at Zurich Main Station on September 18, 2016. vernissage.tv

2019dec03.