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Secret Grandma returns in 2017 with another 87 episodes this July. Will Hector unravel the true identity of Secret Grandma? Will Lila get the job promotion? What about Big Ted, what's his deal? Tune in to Secret Grandma, the only unscripted reality show where the secret is "SECRET GRANDMA." Secret Grandma: Sometimes Secrets Are SECRET

2017jun22.

About two months back I made a short note about wanting a "can of toys" from the Japanese confectionery company Morinaga. Here now, in response to the deluge of cards and letters for more details: more details.

Chocoball is a chocolate-peanut candy available in a small box. According to the Morinaga website: "Kyoro-chan, adorns every package of CHOCOBALL with his signature large beak. Children and adults alike love this popular character who has been the mascot for CHOCOBALL since 1967 and has appeared in commercials, promotional materials and his own cartoon series. [...] The cardboard packaging dispenses each individual piece of candy through an original beak-shaped opening, adding to the enjoyment of CHOCOBALL and honoring its long-standing mascot, Kyoro-chan, the animated bird."

The promotion itself started almost a year ago. Purchase a box of delicious Chocoballs, check the flap for a little angel figurine. According to the faq, get five silver ones or one gold one, and send it along to "PO Box 123 No. Chen Zhen Branch of Japan Post Ueno Branch 110 - 8691." I love the little graphic showing you how to see if you're a winner. The whole thing is printed on one sheet so it totally knows if I'm a winner or not. [FX: box shrugs] "Dunno, man. Good luck." Additionally, three associated videos were created at the start of the campaign with an older gentleman dropping shade on a toy can wanter girl.



I don't know who the guy is. Maybe the CEO? He also appears in still images with the can of toys on the website. [FX: One research later] It's Kenichi Endo.



I purchased two CHOCOBALL packages and currently my angel tally is zero gold angels, and zero silver angels. I stacked the two empty packages on a shelf to use as an ersatz earthquake detector. Every day I'm getting closer to my goal. This can of toys will solve all of my problems. I can feel it.

2017jun21.

Let's Talk: Language For Meaning. McKee/Harrison (1947). A child drew arms on the dolls and added flowers growing out of the pots. The dolls were missing arms because.

2017jun20.

Your attractant is not busy enough. Aside: is that the KLF?

2017jun20.

John Smyth catalog "Hussar" model bicycle (1914).

2017jun20.

Cardhouse Ro-Bot Flailing Armatures GmbH Presents: Cardhouse Ro-Bot Tiny Ro-Bot In The Big City What Could Go Wrong Weblog State Of The Weblog Situation 2017.

The whole annoying thing with the weblog starting at the bottom was because I was working on something that would allow me to link images from post to post to make a long strip of something, and, well, that's how reading works: from top to bottom (NEWSFLASH). So the last entry, chronologically, should go on the bottom. But that became too annoying even for me so we're back to what the other 99.9% of websites look like. Speaking of non-standard flow -- remember those side-scrolling websites from back in the day? Oh the times. The frazzled archives are still in date order ("latest-last") because sure.

Also this whole thing was supposed to be a big project wherein I was going to offer up weblog creation as a service to the randos of the world for some cheap price, but there were so many things about your modern-day weblog construction assumption set I would immediately veto -- Facebook integration being #1 with a bullet -- and so many things I didn't feel like implementing. It seemed obvious that it would only sell approximately 17 seats and would not be worth the ridiculous amount of time I've already put into it, not mentioning the time required to maintain/improve said system. Why I remember when a weblog was just a message you changed every so often on your home page and it wasn't called a weblog yet and no one was on the web not even Google. November 1994, let's say. Hi. Hello [FX: olds]. I remember when "Fragment Identifiers" were inventorated and I threw my bowl of artisanal chili puffs at the wall and shouted "HASHTAGS AT THE END OF URLS POINTING INSIDE THE DOCUMENT??? WHEN DOES THIS MADNESS END?? FUCK THIS I'M OUT OF HERE" And I left the web and never returned. Also, one less bowl of chili puffs in my tum-tum: a nation weeps.

It is always a relief when I finally decide to back-burner, kill, or seriously reduce the scope of a long-standing and heavy-ass project that seems to be treading water or trundling backward. This one has been around in different forms for a serious number of years. Don't worry though, I've got plenty of other back-breaking long-term projects that are now happily oozing into the now-empty space. FedScrapo, the thing with the wheel, Phil v6.3, the Elsewhere Philatelic Society, the thing with the handle, the street art, the unspecified topic of a project bolus of almost two decades of intermittent labor, the learning, always learning, and the forgetting. So much forgetting. Also I think I'm supposed to earn money somehow. Don't really have a line on that. Right now all I have is my side job counselling fishing lures.

Of course this decision is accompanied by a change (the "I give up" revision) to the weblog project itself; pages load much faster now. I'm back to dealing with the eternal agonies of CSS. I thought I could hold out until something better came along but that's clearly never going to happen. We can kill Flash but not CSS? Future features are going to be easier to add, blah, bloo, not that you will ever know the struggle (the struggle). It helped to stop thinking of the weblog in terms of a big ole' bear and start thinking of it like an octopus. You get what I mean? Like a bear-octopus, but mostly an octopus. So ... octopus-bear. Squirm squirm rarrr, not rarrrr rarrr squirm. I'm not good with the tech terms, I just mostly slam the keyboard randomly to "program" the computer and hope for the best.

I don't want a lot out of life right now: sushi once a week; a fully-functioning wood shop; a practical dead-simple weblog creator that is uniquely keyed to my esoteric requirements; a machine to shoot a ping-pong ball at my head on the hour wherever I am. Not while I sleep, don't be ridiculous.

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2017jun12.

Bowman Gum "Fight The Red Menace" (1951)

2017jun04.

2017may29.

B. A. Stephens Catalogue of Billiard and Bar Supplies, Saloon Fittings, Furniture and General Information Comprising The Latest Recipes and Directions for Mixing and Serving Drinks, Preparing Manufacturing Beverages, Rules for Cards, Billiards, and Popular Games, together with other Miscellaneous Statistics, Facts and Information, and a Complete Line of Goods used in the Billiard and Saloon Business (1894). If I ever write a thing the title will be longer than that.

2017may28.

2017may25.

2017may05.

2017apr24.

Another rich asshole hunts tigers.

2017mar03.

2017feb26.

2017jan15.

This is for Import/Export car sales from the La Puerta warehouse, which is available for purchase for $2,735,000 if you are a CEO. This warehouse works well with the Maze Bank West CEO office (it is the cheapest as well).

If you are in a session without any opposing players, all vehicle sales will be interrupted by four waves of NPC enemies, each consisting of two cars with two NPCs each. These NPCs have ridiculously precise aiming/firing capability and it's easy to get cut to ribbons rather quickly. After you've selected a "Specialist Dealer" sale (which has the largest payout) and completed the mods (my M.O. is usually full-bore ugly), always exit the building to the right (even if the GPS indicates otherwise), so you're heading north along Dutch London Street.

You'll want to drive as fast as possible to get to your shootin' stop ... cut up on the grass on the right-hand side of the LST light rail line just shy of the Puerto Del Sol station.

Park close to the wall where I've indicated, but give yourself room to get out. While you're doing this, your first two enemy NPC cars will materialize. You may get some plinking depending on how fast you are -- stick with the program, get that car safely parked behind that wall. Once you get out of the car and start running northeast, you'll notice an odd thing -- the NPCs do not get out of their cars ... and start hightailing it North. They'll hook around the gas station onto Innocence Boulevard, coming back your way. While they're doing this, you should move over to the retaining wall that hugs that street and stop on the second/third step of the short flight of stairs that leads to the street. Hug the wall because the NPCs will again drive past you, and park in the crook of Innocence Boulevard as it veers east.

Note: Sometimes the NPCs will actually get out of their cars on Dutch London Street, or even park near your car. This is most likely because you haven't driven far enough north on the grass, or you didn't make it to the stairs. It's all about elevating the car and yourself to where the NPCs are triggered to find the closest higher ground while they're still in their cars, following the roads like good little algorithms. Once they've passed, get out your advanced rifle and slowly back your way up the stairs while pointing directly at the NPCs. At some point with your head just poking over the edge of the low part of the retaining wall, you will be able to fire on them but their bullets will still hit the wall. Now who's the aimbot. Now who.

If you're taking damage, you've most likely gone too far up the stairs. It's a fine line, you'll have to dial it in; it works 90% of the time. After you've dispatched most of them, sometimes there will be one driver left who has lost the plot and just sort of drives aimlessly into things in that area. It's a bit sad. Once you've cleared out a wave, go back down to the second/third step again. Three more waves and you emerge victorious, without turning into Swiss cheese. For some reason the heavy sniper rifle and marksman rifle are bugged a bit when trying to use this method while on the stairs. The scope view will flicker with the normal view during firing, making it almost impossible to use. Test it, perhaps it will work in your case and make the process even easier. For more instructional guides please visit: CARDHOUSE.COM/A/GTA.

2016dec24.

Richard Galanti, the chief financial officer of Costco Warehouse Giant Cart Palletland, said that Costco had an Amazon Go auto-payment grocery system in place twenty years ago. "A member would walk in, get an RF gun, radio frequency device, walk around, scan their own items, come up to the front, hand that thing to the cashier, and the scanner, and they print out a receipt." Twenty years ago ... 1996. Even farther back, here's the beginning of a Life Magazine article from January 3rd, 1949.

Keedoozle was ahead of its time and kept breaking down ... it eventually failed.

2016dec08.

2016nov29.

Right, the election. I was going to put up a whole bunch of charts and graphs that have already explained in years past how the decision to elect a Republican to help with the economy is historically a poor one. And how about Mr. Trump has indicated through a wide array of previous, well-documented past dealings that he is a poor businessman. And I was going to talk about how the jobs that all the white people want Mr. Trump to bring back are gone forever, and how health care/government services are used more by people in red states than blue states, so really a lot of people that voted for Trump have shit their own beds in several different dynamic ways. Also how Republican voting is flat, Democratic voting has been on a decline for awhile, let's get instant run-off going, let's get rid of the electoral college, blah, bloo, blah. But then I saw those articles that indicated fake news was big excitement with Trump voters so what's the point of saying anything any more if the people who know already know and the people that don't know are lapping up fake news, not that anyone actually looks at this site any more except seventeen of my friends. Seven? Okay, like three friends. No, what concerns me are the various links and whatnot that have actual quotes/potential day-one policies from the president-elect that lean hard into fascism. The whole world got to do all of that already and it was a horror show, surprise. The thing that gives me hope is to see people/groups from all corners screaming about this and taking action and making sure people are safe, before this thing gets any traction. I'm doing what I can which isn't much. Donations right now, at the very least, to organizations that have been fighting this sort of awfulness for decades now.

2016nov17.

Hi there, I am currently working with a leading international healthcare organisation. I noticed your site has published a very interesting article, Cardhouse Weblog nov 1999., which is why I think a collaboration between us could work well. We would like to feature a bespoke piece of content on your site, which we think would be of great interest to you and your audience. For the privilege of being featured on your site, we would be happy to offer you a fee of $50. We hope to hear back from you soon. Kind Regards, Lawrence

2016nov17.