Gallstone #7

March 29, 1999

Just a couple of quick ones.

"Made fresh daily" is really getting up my ass lately. I'm not sure why
it's become such a focus. It's used to imply the utmost in freshness, but
really, "Made fresh daily" doesn't mean a frigging thing. It doesn't say
anything about the delay between the making and the eating. TV dinners are
made fresh daily (somewhere), and then they're frozen and put on a truck
and in a couple weeks they start ripening in your grocer's freezer. But
Swanson could just as legitimately put "Made Fresh Daily" on their boxes of
frozen corporate food.


Fuck Miller Beer. They have the audacity in their new campaign to say "The
Great Taste of a True Pilsener Beer". As with many ad campaigns, the
assumption is that a lie will be believed if it's repeated enough. There's
nothing great about the taste of Miller, except that there isn't very much
of it (like eating a tiny turd is great compared to eating a big one). As
far as a true pilsener beer, they come from Pilsn, and to my knowledge
there's only three- Pilsner Urquell, Staropramen, and another one I forgot.
Imagine an ad for used Yugos, with a caption- "The Luxuriant Ride of
Britain's Finest Coachbuilder". What the fuck are they talking about?
Pretty soon, halfwit bar conversation will turn to how Miller is a true
"Larry hates Miller- he prefers Bud."
"Larry can't handle a true pilsener- that's why he hates Miller. He's an idiot."
"Yeah, I can't believe he's drinking a Bud when there's a true pilsener like Miller to be had."


I got an exciting pre-approved credit card offer in the mail. It was
bulk-mailed, but they told me I was specially selected for their card. I
was already approved, and all I had to do was fill out the brief
application, and they'd send me a card if I was approved (?). My name was
printed on the little app, but underneath it said "Please cross out name &
address if Corrections are necessary." So apparently they don't give a
teeny shit who sends back their pre-approved application for approval. I
scooped some leftover Indian food into the prepaid envelope and dropped it
in the mail. The recipient has been pre-approved my me for some serious
diarrhea. Just eat the food...

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