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Just a couple of quick ones.
"Made fresh daily" is really getting up my ass lately. I'm not sure why
it's become such a focus. It's used to imply the utmost in freshness, but
really, "Made fresh daily" doesn't mean a frigging thing. It doesn't say
anything about the delay between the making and the eating. TV dinners are
made fresh daily (somewhere), and then they're frozen and put on a truck
and in a couple weeks they start ripening in your grocer's freezer. But
Swanson could just as legitimately put "Made Fresh Daily" on their boxes of
frozen corporate food.
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Fuck Miller Beer. They have the audacity in their new campaign to say "The
Great Taste of a True Pilsener Beer". As with many ad campaigns, the
assumption is that a lie will be believed if it's repeated enough. There's
nothing great about the taste of Miller, except that there isn't very much
of it (like eating a tiny turd is great compared to eating a big one). As
far as a true pilsener beer, they come from Pilsn, and to my knowledge
there's only three- Pilsner Urquell, Staropramen, and another one I forgot.
Imagine an ad for used Yugos, with a caption- "The Luxuriant Ride of
Britain's Finest Coachbuilder". What the fuck are they talking about?
Pretty soon, halfwit bar conversation will turn to how Miller is a true
pilsener-
"Larry hates Miller- he prefers Bud."
"Larry can't handle a true pilsener- that's why he hates Miller. He's an idiot."
"Yeah, I can't believe he's drinking a Bud when there's a true pilsener like Miller to be had."
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I got an exciting pre-approved credit card offer in the mail. It was
bulk-mailed, but they told me I was specially selected for their card. I
was already approved, and all I had to do was fill out the brief
application, and they'd send me a card if I was approved (?). My name was
printed on the little app, but underneath it said "Please cross out name &
address if Corrections are necessary." So apparently they don't give a
teeny shit who sends back their pre-approved application for approval. I
scooped some leftover Indian food into the prepaid envelope and dropped it
in the mail. The recipient has been pre-approved my me for some serious
diarrhea. Just eat the food...
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