Gallstone #12

April 21, 1999

The Littleton High School Massacre. Before I say anything else, let me
express my sincerest regret over the loss of human life. I don't condone or
applaud the murder of young adults.
Now for the Dr. Cliff perspective. In the course of an hour of *live*
coverage of a place where a crime occurred hours earlier, several inciting
factors were postulated- (buzzwords conveniently enclosed in *s)
  1. The disaffected boys were in a *gang*, the trenchcoat Mafia. Obviously, it's a gang problem.
  2. The boys listened to *Marilyn Manson* and the *German* band Rammstein. Obviously, that evil music made them do it.
  3. The boys may have been influenced by *inappropriate web pages*. Better censor the web!
  4. The boys were the butt of jokes from the *school jocks*. hey, maybe we're on to something here...

As a former target of high school jocks (until a rash of carefully-executed
vandalism), I find myself suddenly feeling the frustration of these kids,
and the feeling of helplessness. Everybody knows it's ok for jocks to tease
the other kids, right? hey, they're just kids having a little fun. I
shudder at the thought of high school coaches around the country, laughing
it off when their quarterback punches the class nerd in the back of the head.

I looked back at some of the infamous *kids killing kids* episodes in the
past couple years. They have a commonality- the homicidal/suicidal kids
were the outcasts, taking daily needling from the kids that 'Fit in'- you
know, the jocks and the cheerleaders. Then one day they snapped and fought
back, with a desperation fueled by the low self-esteem pounded into their
heads by the popular people.

I hope school jocks will see the pattern and stop acting like pieces of
shit. I doubt it. After all, they're jocks. My thirst for retroactive
revenge upon my own tormentors leads me to a feeling of near-ambivalence
re: the littleton incident.

I also have a brilliant solution to this series of escalating tragedies. It
does not involve censorship, gun control, or any other invasion of our
civil rights. It is a very simple, workable solution.

Stop idolizing professional athletes. They are the stronger, more
dangerous, more visible, adult version of high-school jocks. They are
paraded in front of us like trained animals, because they have some
almost-interesting talent. They can throw a ball, for example. This should
not be enough to carry you through life, much less make you a wealthy
celebrity role-model.

Stop idolizing professional athletes. They act like savages, and we
applaud them. We forgive them when they rape, drive drunk, attack and even
cannibalize other people. We forgive them because we like to sit on our fat
asses and watch them jump through hoops and win for us. Meanwhile, young
athletes are looking to them as role-models. Like youngsters do, they are
following their role-models' every behavior, on the court and off.

Stop idolizing professional athletes. The only reason they exist, is
because they have been manufactured into celebrities. That way we will
watch them and pay attention to them. That way corporate america can keep
your attention long enough to show you some commercials. Are you willing to
let your kids think it's cool to be an athlete, just so you can watch
commercials for shitty beer?

Stop idolizing professional athletes.
They are half-literate thugs, who
flex a bicep menacingly when something intelligent is said. Again, our
children are learning from them. And other children are learning to kill
instead of being their victims.

Jocks of the world beware- if I have my way, your days are numbered. When
the rest of the world figures out that *you* (and your asshole behavior)
are the source of murderous tendencies in our schools, your subculture will
be ceremoniously shitcanned.

In the meanwhile, watch who you fuck with at school. Not all the nerds are
reading comic books, fuck-o. The class geek might just pull the pin on a
grenade the next time you call him a faggot in the hallway.

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