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Clark bar.


C. R. Pearce Company, Pittsburgh PA. Hot Dog Chocolate Covered Dates. Confectioners Journal November/December 1923. Do you know what they are all saying? They're All Saying ‒ HOT DOG!!


I was addressing a group of young people the other day and they all expressed disbelief at my description of consumable pudding sold in a metal can. You wanted to get all that delicious pudding material out of the can so you'd lick the lid etc. Hunt's ran some safety commercials about not licking the can but you licked the can anyway ... Snack Pack the Talking Horse could go shove it.

"Diced peaches!"


1879 June Confectioners Journal. Boule De Gomme Anglice Gum Balls, A. J. Chauveau & Co., Philadelphia. "Have all flavors, including lemon, raspberry, currant, cherry, almond, celery, &c." "They are not only beautiful to the eye, delicious to the taste and refreshing to the palate, but are also esteemed of great value as a pectoral remedy."

Honey can you please hand me a few of those celery gumballs, my pecs are acting up


The Esperanto Family (1990). Produced by Joe Horne, creator of Stevie & Zoya and The Specialists.


Daisy Picture Pistols Solve Your Boy or Girl Gift Problem. Superman Krypto-Rayguns. Daisy Manufacturing Co. Children's Activities, December, 1941. Back cover.


1913 Our Salesman. Moore & Evans, 32-34 Wabash Avenue, Chicago.


The State Birds are Garbage


Wintergatan: Clock Escapement Marble Gate


VAN NEISTAT: Fantasy Fixing


i am sad

i had to replace the battery on my hygrometer

it had a field for max temp reached

hit it driving back from la through/on the grapevine w/no ac



"Gonna need a little more hustle from all of you, fifty more pieces an hour ... my dream boat isn't going to buy itself"

[leaves, double-backs]



1905 trademark Uncle Cy's Corn Wafers. "Why in God's sake can't we move these fuckin' wafers"


Advertisement for Catogni's, The Roanoke Times, March 8th, 1892. Here's our store front, we sell items you may find yourself wanting to eat. Done. Looking forward to food shopping in real life, bidding adieu to the poorly-implemented local global supermarket chain's online presence. Exhaustively petty report to follow some time soon or never.


Survey, International Business Times, November 2020. They really understood how the pandemic was/is affecting all of us.


Poulus Bros Witch City Chocolate Covered Toasted Cocoanut Balls.


Would You Like To Own a Pony (1916mar Boys Life). Hello yes, Sparkler's hams are indeed glorious, but honestly I'm only interested in the beautiful cart, please thank you.

make mit der carten, freddo


The Pharmaceutical Era, May 1912. "Please sir, three of your finest cocaines."

Also, the chair/table ad ‒ seating was a big deal in soda parlors back then. Ideally, your table/chairs could fold up into nothing. Make 'em sit on a chair the size of a piece of toast, rake in $$$.


Microsoft Office 2013 Edition book cover. Autechre SIGN 2020 album cover design Designers Republic.


To find little nuggets of whatever for the upcoming book (209X), I end up in a curious part of the internet in which many, many people devote part of their lives to taking numerous random images and making fake-worn metal signs out of them, even if there's no logical reason the sign would have existed in any reality.

"Ah yap ... that's what old fishin' stores used to do in the antiquities ... post up signs of tiny type advertise-mints for the latest hi-falutin' fishin' gear technological progressibles ..."


Chemist & Druggist, July 30 1892. The fish cries tears because it will not be fried. It's a good idea for an advert, the disclaimer BECOMES the campaign.


Roanoke Daily Times, December 11th, 1899. Back in the late 19th century, newspapers used to run a "Who's Doing What" column perfect for the town busybody. This even extended out to businesses, with some papers informing everyone under the sun with long lists that Company X ordered N units of raw product Y on date D. You can't even TOUR Kellogg's any more, because Secretes. Hershey's, they used to let you wade in rivers of liquid chocolate back until '73. Now, it's an "endless Transit System-style dark ride" with "singing cows."

me: i want off
cow: no. endless. [aria]


Kimiyo Mishima Talks Her Career And Philosophy | Sokyo Gallery


To Tell the Truth game show. May 24th, 1965.

"One of these young ladies has just survived an experiment in living called 'No Dough.'" [...] "I, Ann Foley, have just completed a month living exclusively on one credit card. Some of the things I was able to charge amaze me. They included stamps, a wig, a rented bicycle, a stuffed alligator, tickets to a baseball game, and even the services of a dentist ..."


Patent Faucet Hole Closer. From Catalogue of billiard and bar supplies, saloon fittings furniture and general information : comprising the latest recipes ... intended as a standard book of reference for the billiard and bar trade (Geo. H. Stevens; 1894).

Cover those unsightly holes, proprieters. Cover them. I guess if you have a stenchy tap closet, this is the thing to get to "exclude air"? I can't recall ever having seen anything like this, though I don't spend a lot of time around late 19th century bars. Not as much as I'd like to [wink].


[Cardhouse] Please "enjoy" my: long tirade about supermarket's broken curbside technology


Lionel catalog (1958). Leo L. Lenny the Lionel Lion sez "hey mom and dad, trains really help junior get his shit together"

Junior: "OH BOY! I'M IN CONTROL!" Yeah ... yeah. Sure, now. Later, it's like goddamn scrambled eggs.


This advertisement ran weekly in June 1892 of the Cedar Falls Gazette. BALLOON ASCENSION / EVERY ONE MUST GET A PRESENT / Ten barrels of the best flour, each barrel being one prize.


Techmoan: Mid '70s party in a box (early karaoke machine)


I need you to admire the progress that has been made on my Street LEGO[R] Sculpture: Terrifying Space Base. During my regular detrashing run, I ran into what I called a Kid Explosion ‒ tiny toys, drawing utensils, LEGO, unidentifiable blue stuff which I'm guessing was Slime[R] (we'll be talking about Slime[R] later in the year), crayons, etc. While I was cleaning up the entire mess, a regular park goer stopped and thanked me for cleaning it up, indicating that he had seen a guy sifting through it earlier, "like he had found gold." While, of course, I was madly stuffing LEGO into my pockets. LEGO -is- gold. I still have about twenty extra pieces that have no place on my ever-growing pulsating LEGO thing from outer space ‒ mostly axles. My life has been all about axles lately.

I know what you're thinking, and do not worry, my friend. I licked each piece clean as a whistle.

why are so many of the pieces dirty then

That's Space Dust™.


HOW RADIO ISN'T DONE ‒ A Documentary about Don Joyce


Namco's 2002 arcade game XXXXXXXX!! (Don't Miss The Glass!!): slide glass along bar until it stops at given random marker.

Also took the time to compare a common, familiar translation site "X" with again w/the game description on Namco's website.

"X": Slip the glass and put it in the target zone well, it is a sensible prize machine. "It's easy to stop, it's not easy to stop" game sex, no doubt! Of course it is a large-sized prize correspondence.

Deepl: This is a hands-on prize machine where you slide the glass and stop it at the target zone to receive a prize. The gameplay of "It seems easy to stop, but it's hard to stop" is sure to get you hooked! Of course, large prizes are available.

Deepl keeps winning. Deepl has also been good with Japanese dates whereas site "X" was getting them wrong. Like most of "X"'s products, I only use them about 10% of the time, when I'm not getting good results from other sites.

Keep on sexing games!
Squirrely Joe The Safety Woodchuck


Scratch paste buffer for X Magazine #13 (1995).


Sifl & Olly, "United States of Whatever" (1999)


1936 Spors wholesale catalog (Minnesota).


Delicious candy pills manufactured by Peerless Playthings Co., Inc. Ridgefield Park, NJ. Circa 1956. Pills for even days, pills for odd days. Take one every day, junior. Just like mommy and daddy.


Candy Kum Back Ball, Confectioners Journal April 1922.

And then ... only two months later ... the Candy Kum Back Ball had some competition. That's how it is in the cutthroat world of come back balls.


Gundam canes. 2018.


Dream Castle Tobacco (~1926). Disneyland logo, 1955.

RE The Disneyland logo. I'm half-sure it's the 1955 logo. It might be a revamped 1970s logo. I got tired of looking. You'd think with all the Disneyland pages someone would have ticked off the boxes. The rando reporting in this area is slim and somewhat broken.

Additionally, while we're here, I had great fun navigating the massive fake Disney merchandise floodwaters. Here's a poster that wasn't created for the opening day of Disneyland, July 17th, 1955.

This poster is ALL over the place. What an amazing document. The incorrect apostrophe; EVERY SINGLE TYPEFACE shown was made after 1955 because they're all obviously pulled from various "free font" bins. I couldn't trace it back to the source, just to a Disney fan re-posting it back in 2013. To be clear, the person who made this probably didn't mean for it (A) to be sold (B) as if it was from 1955. Too late, the net routes around ethics. There's six different sellers on ebay hawking this junk right now (including one with the title "1955 Disneyland Opening Day 11X17 Poster ‒ Walt Disney Reagan" ... ???). Buy a reproduction of the fake thing ("61 sold," one auction web page reads), fool your friends.


Day in the Life of a Japanese Firefighter


Pat Fish RIP. Met him once, after a show. One of my friends knew him so we all met at a bar. Somehow drinking came up and I mentioned that I didn't (at the time). Pat Fish looked at me like I was an alien.

You need to listen to several Jazz Butcher tracks if you've never heard them. Here are two.


Kerr, Brown & Co., Hamilton, C.W., importers & wholesale dealers in dry goods and groceries; stock list and diary for 1863.


Prussian Heave Powders, The Chas. Baumbach Co. catalog (1890).


Seriously mom, don't fuck this one up ... junior needs his sugar chocolate fluid (1948).


Taskmaster, Series 12, Grand Finale.



A somewhat fancy cocaine advertisement. The Druggists Circular, September 1878.


[Cardhouse] Fake album cover art for 2021 music sampler of junk that got caught in my craw. Yes of course my favorite Patreon party people got the sampler list, they even get my psychiatrist's doodles from our unproductive sessions. Join today [party favor is extended via half-hearted breath].

Design is unholy marriage between George Peurbach's New Theory of The Planets (1474) (2) and a crate label for Red Circle oranges (~1938). A thumbnail of Peurbach's drawing was sitting right next to a thumbnail of Red Circle oranges in my "future-whatever" directory. That's how it starts. Spent almost three hours looking for good images of the damn pointless stickers that were on every record in the go-go 80s. Fifteen minutes in Intense Graphical Editing Program, mostly dealing with the stickers. Then, forget to set the background to black-black so your Intense Graphical Editing Program leaves it at printing-black, which is a little lighter; like how that sets it off w/full-black backgrounds. "Done."


this is the new official song for christmas now and forever

johnny guarnieri ‒ santa's secret (1944; savoy)


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