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RARRRRRRRR!!!! Rarr rarrrr rarrr meow rarr?
RARRRRR!!! Rarr. Rarrr rarr J-List rarrrr.

2007jun03. Mail.

what ever happened to waterbeds?

This is the best email I’ve received all year, obviously. Let’s ponder this. One of my friends had a waterbed in college; this was back when a waterbed was just one big sack o’ water, not like the multiple tube system another friend had bought into six years later. Now, I don’t know anyone with a waterbed, or even anyone who’s expressed a desire to own one. A popular search engine indicates that there are 317,000 “hits” for “waterbeds shop store” which means something, I’m sure. Its companion price comparison site has 3029 hits for “waterbed” which is also indicative of ... wait, what does that say?

Waterbed history began with a simple promise. Nothing between you and a good nights sleep but a mattress full of water. It was a trendy idea at first, it now has the credibility of medical support, and millions of satisfied owners. Modern technology has had a lot to do with it.

That reads like something the Chillow guy [1 2 3 4 5] would cook up. Anyway. I think they’re around, but perhaps you’ve moved out of the largest waterbed demographic, college students. I just made that up. Perhaps people just got tired of paying the heating bills and “topping off” or whatever one does with the water component of the bed. Perhaps people are stringing up hammocks in their bedrooms, or making nests or living in ball pits or treehouses or yurts or RVs or sleeping outside on the grass or taping themselves to trees high up so the bears can’t get them.

2007jun04. Mail.

we are having a sale and you are invited

This is not from the same person who asked about the waterbeds. But I do appreciate being invited to things, surely. This is going to be the best sale ever! Gonna dress up. Shave, maybe.

2007jun04. China: Someone’s gotta die for a recall to make sense. Otherwise, it’s not science.

“So far we have not received any report of death resulting from using the toothpaste,” fumed China’s General Administration of Quality Supervision. “The U.S. handling (of this case) is neither scientific nor responsible.”

Who’s going to take one for the team? Toothpaste dessert.

2007jun05. The well-mocked 2012 Olympic logo is out of control. It’s horrid and it’s hurting people. It’s like a Christo installation. How do you not vet something that horrendous? “Man, this is shit ugly, better run it past a few people first.” Here’s another article detailing the problems before the epileptic problem came to light. Loads of comments.

God, that font. You get those types of fonts for free online. Those are the types of fonts where someone is walking with a laptop and hits an icy sidewalk patch, takes a tumble, and suddenly you have a new font in your folder. “Oh God what is it get it off GET IT OFF ... ” Wait, I’ve got one more here, it’s a gas – [SFX: rummages through suit-coat]

2007jun05. Fonts ... IN THE NEWS! Not that I really want to provide a link to Time Magazine, but take a look at this article about McDonald’s whining about the word “McJob” and how they they want it to mean “reflect a job that is stimulating, rewarding ... and offers skills that last a lifetime.” Hahaha, I’ve changed the definition of “bucket” to mean “a cylindrical container that can no longer hold things.” Anyway. Take a good look at the word “McJob” – it reads “MoJob” or “MaJob.” The type designer’s like “no one is ever going to type the ‘cJ’ ligature, man ... [FX: takes drag off clove cigarette, expresses ennui through lack of motion]” ... though Your Computer May Vary.

2007jun05. Do any of you guys smell pancakes? I’m being serious here. Seriously.

2007jun06. Very Small Array: Number of Residents per Waffle House.

2007jun06. Garage sale find: patternmaking chest. Always a sucker for the “dream find” article.

2007jun06. A desert story: Sleeps with Coyotes. [via metafilter]

2007jun06. Paintings: Josh Keyes.

2007jun07. PISMASHIO!!!! On a 2006 episode of Conan O’Brien, Amy Sedaris demonstrated the proper use of candy glass breakaway bottles. “They’re expensive.” Not that expensive. Lot of variety here, eight pages of bottles, vases, dishes, and so much more. Life is about experience, not owning things – but with candy glass you can own things and experience an outlet for your repressed violent fantasies. Fool your friends. How to make candy glass.

2007jun07. I forgot to provide a pointer to the April Fool’s page for this year. There it is. Wow. That’s what it looked like, back then. Well. Scroll down to the bottom. Whoa. Also, please consider hiring Der Bluezen Brotherenrz Doppelgangersenden for your next mid-life crisis or emergency evacuation drill. Thank you.

2007jun08. Mail.

what ever happened to friday freeday?

Much like waterbeds, the decline of Friday Freeday is shrouded in mystery. No. I am working on a “very large” project. Thus, I don’t paddle around the lake as much. When this project is done, you will be glad that I took the time. I care ... about you1!

1 Caring not included.

2007jun08. Friday Freeday. I found some junk in my trunk.

Good Magazine: How Much Advertisers Pay For Space.
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly Duckling. Personally I think it’s worth it just to see the shot of the duck sweating during the Mexican standoff. But I like ducks, so there’s that.
Baby Panda Sneezes. In this video, a baby panda sneezes.
Pete Beeman: walker | about walker | skittish
Singer: ysabellabrave
How to work on power lines while travelling by helicopter. From the helicopter documentary “Straight Up.” I like the near-serenity of the whole package – the music, the narrator/worker – juxtaposed against your reptile brain screaming that’s the most insanest thing ever.
Bill Moyers interviews Jon Stewart
Parrot uses parrot-based tool [via Preworn]
Poster: Gazelle Illustrated Price Paper 1938. Jaw-droppin’ good times.

2007jun09. If someone has a spare Dell DVD R+W module they want to sell, then I’m the guy who’s interested. Just the module, not the warm, enveloping box.

2007jun09. Bicycle crank that makes you work for both halves of the cycle: Powercranks. Cranks.


2007jun09. Video: Japanese Tetris game show. Life size. Must see.

2007jun09. Mail.


any vaguely competitive cyclist knows that proper pedaling technique (hammering aside) consists of concentrating motion of each foot parallel to the ground (i.e. exerting 100% of the time, forward and backward) rather than up or down. this is why halfway decent cyclists have peculiar lower-laig musculls never seen in ordinary mortals.

random uncle

ps I need to buy a stuffed animal of an indian(asian) elephant. not african! suggestions?

I am not a vaguely competitive cyclist. I have stepped out of my sphere of influence which is a very small sphere indeed! It looks like a bath gel. Or a paintball. It’s between those two sizes.

Stuffed elephant: I do not know where one can procure such a delightful item. Perhaps someone out there can suggest a place or two.

2007jun10. So I’m watching pet #39 today and there’s this toy cellphone laying around and I flip it open and press a few buttons then put it back down and a few seconds later it starts ringing so I answer it “Hello?” and I have this great pretend conversation. I think I’m going to buy one to take around with me, use it in public because really what’s the difference as far as everyone else is concerned. Or carve one out of wood, hollow it out, keep some marbles in it and they keep falling out onto the ground ... “Oh, sorry, this phone really sucks ... “

2007jun11. Here’s a fun item that perhaps will increase your chances of having your bag searched by the TSA.

2007jun11. Achewood: Ayurvedic Tapas.

2007jun14. Mail.

Hey, I was just looking at your page and noticed that “Random Uncle” asked about a stuffed elephant toy. Anyway, tell your late night sneaky uncle to look here ...

Random Uncle: You should “check out” the American Museum of Natural History. Don’t go into the wing with the birds because they haven’t put the fake eyeballs in a lot of them yet so there are real stuffed birds there with tufts of padding/batting/cotton/excelsior/bunting/whatever sticking out of the eye sockets, v. scary!

They dont have any on the website but they usually have a zillion stuffed animals and dinosaurs in the actual shop. Tell him to call them and see what they can ship.

Random Uncle: Blah blah website blah zillion blah shop. Call ‘em.

Who the heck is Random Uncle anyway?

Dunno. Just some uncle, I guess.

2007jun17. A recent issue of Wilson’s Journal of Ornithology has a small article entitled Corvids in Combat: With a Weapon? that describes a Stellar Jay snipping a stick off a bush and attacking an American Crow with it. Then the jay dropped the stick, and the crow fought back with the same stick. The ornithologist then comes to the only rational conclusion from these observations: if birds can wield sticks, they can also use guns. When you’re out on the mean streets, start thinking three-dimensionally.

2007jun22. It is a cardboard tank boat built by seven-year-olds. Everybody bring your crowbars!

2007jun25. Hey, it’s the wacky neighbor! The movie, though fascinating, could use a “time” indicator.

We of the overarching Sagittarius Dwarf Elliptical Galaxy have finally come down next to, and even with the massively powerful spiral armed equatorial plane of the Milky Way Galaxy


2007jun26. Flickr: Weasel Coffee. “Picked and regurgitated by a weasel ... surprising delicious chocolately taste.” Wiki: “Some sources erroneously claim that the beans are regurgitated instead of defecated.”

We are here at Le Belette Merde where we’ve secretly replaced the fine coffee they usually serve with coffee made from beans lovingly hand-picked and defecated by dedicated weasels. Let’s see if anyone can tell the difference!

Wiki continues: “A synthetic process intended to simulate the weasel’s digestive system is used to meet demand.” Gotta get me some of that Surprisingly Delicious Chocolately Synthetically-Weasel-Defecated Coffee.

2007jun28. So I was working on revamping my links page and I showed it to a friend and he was all “hey that reminds me of Xerpi” and I’m all like “yeah, well they don’t know how to cram, is all I’m sayin’.” I don’t really understand how people get by without a TODALLY CRAMMED link page, by my way of understanding, a lot of you are just using a big long list of bookmarks, scrolling up, scrolling down. Look at all the value I bring you. You can tell I care. I’ll be adding links and whatnot to the Cramlink System, The, as the months and years roll by. We will walk into this crammed-link future together, hand-in-hand. Look, a rainbow!

Book: Animals in Translation Book: Pranks! Book: Adrift - 76 Days Lost At Sea Book: Secret Language of Sleep Book: Consider the Lobster