2007apr02. Ultra Concentrated Dawn Concentrated Dishwishing Liquid wirh Odor Eraser Splash of Lime review.
2007apr02. A selection of corporations registered in the state of New York.
BROCCOLI & CHOCOLATE, LLC
CANDY COATED BROCCOLI, LLC
CHOCOLATE CHOICES INC.
CHOCOLATE COVE CORP.
CHOCOLATE EMOTIONS, LTD.
CHOCOLATE FRIED RICE LLC
CHOCOLATE GALAXY INC.
CHOCOLATE IN HEAT, LLC
CHOCOLATE OCCASIONS, INC.
C.R.A.P. CANDY STORE, INC.
FROZEN HOT CHOCOLATE INC.
INTERNET CHOCOLATE, INC.
OH! CHOCOLATE INC.
STRAWBERRY CHOCOLATE ORANGE OR PEPPERMINT INC.
THE CHOCOLATE MINING COMPANY LIMITED
THE CHOCOLATE ROOM, INC.
THE CHOCOLATE ROOM TWO, INC.
THE CHOCOLATE SOUP, INC.
THE SOON TO BE FAMOUS LIEDERMAN & SHAPIRO ORIGINAL CHOCOLATE
2007apr03. I’ve strolled into See’s Candies twice in my life, which, as you know, has been universally excellent. Each time, I was immediately offered a free piece of chocolate. Today the place was crammed, I think a lot of people are treating themselves after bending over for the taxman. The take-away bullet point here is “free chocolate.”
2007apr03. Odor Eraser™ mail.
I’ve been meaning to send angry email to Lysol and similar companies that claim to eliminate all odors JUST TO COVER IT UP WITH ANOTHER.
Or they could just anesthetize your nose. I remember when the first “free” detergent came out, I was jumping up and down in the aisle. Now I just beat my clothes on rocks at the marina.
Glad to hear it’s not just me.
A number of years ago I was at the kitchen sink at work washing my coffee cup. Two members of my group were there and one of them asked me why I wasn’t using the dish soap. I casually said that I used to use it, but it seems to leave some everlasting soap residue in my coffee cup regardless of how much I rinsed it, so I don’t use it any more. That soap: Dawn™.
They thought this was hi-larious and ribbed me about it endlessly. They printed off several dozen Dawn™ logos and pictures and hide them about my office. When I discovered them, I scoured the place and tried to find them all. Then they printed out over a hundred more and re-seeded ‘em. They emailed Dawn™ customer support under my name asking about the residue problem, and they hacked my home page to have a spinning Dawn™ bottle.
To this day I still find Dawn™ printouts tucked in various books I owned at the time. Bastards!
Your co-workers are mean. They should be shot. Big Dawn logos on their coffins, gravestones, etc. “Ha ha! Dawn! Funny.” [SFX: ratcheting noise]
Kate: “What’s happened to you, John? Where’s Jack? Sayid? Have you seen
[John STARES at Kate. Five seconds pass.]
John: “I’m sorry, Kate.”
I hate this show.
2007apr07. The second-generation airline security system just safely shoots each person as they take their seats. This eliminates on-board meals, freeing up galley space for more dead passengers. More space is obtained by cutting the flight attendant count in half – dead people are much less annoying than demanding “live” passengers. It’s win-win-win. [via deuce of clubs]
2007apr08. Waiter Rant: “It’s a good rule never to eat dessert and dinner in the same place.” Mmmm, factory cake.
2007apr08. Match.com ad.
Man, those straight apostrophes drive me insanes!!!!!! Wait.
2007apr10. A “heads up” for the people out there who are out there: google video now searches youtube as well and it knows what a negative search term is. Maybe you knew this. News to me. It reads “Video U.K.” but do not be fooled, America. If it doesn’t work for you I will return your money.
2007apr14. A test.
2007apr14. I was trolling around the net for an egg substitute since I am scheduled to make pancakes tomorrow. I found this recipe for Curried Zucchini Pancakes. Don’t write it down, it’s dumb.
2 large zucchini
1 tsp salt
1 small onion, peeled
1/2 cup pasteurized fat-free egg substitute, such as Egg Beaters
1/2 cup fat-free cottage cheese
1/2 cup matzo meal
2 tsp curry powder
1/4 tsp ground black pepper
Zucchini. Pancakes. Mom says I can’t play with you any more because you’re “sigh-coatic.” What we’re going to do here is drive really really close to the ultimate breakfast item then we’re going to go full speed off this cliff, how’s that sound to everyone? Great.
Cottage cheese. Just thinking about it makes me bristle. When I was much shorter, my grannie the bank robber used to eat large-curd cottage cheese. I had the small curd.
Yeah. I would eat cottage cheese.
Okay, I gotta stop saying that phrase now, getting woozy.
Bachelors can’t have eggs because eggs spoil, eventually, is how I understand it. If the egg came in a cute tiny Tetra-pak®, then you’ve got yourself a repeat customer, pal.
2007apr17. The dream of flight. I’m still pushing for people to be stacked like cordwood. Each person would be strapped to the person beneath them for safety purposes. Make new friends. Re-enact hilarious pseudo-bondage hostage segments from mainstream movies. Wait, no. Gas everyone unconscious, and throw them into a big pile. Think of the profit margin. Or ship people in segments, fit together like recently-living jigsaw puzzles.