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2006oct01. Rockwell: The Ambiguous Enemy is Us.

2006oct01. Prison Planet: Bush Given Authority To Sexually Torture American Children.
Informationliberation: Torture Bill States Non-Allegiance To Bush Is Terrorism.

2006oct01. Wikipedia: The Ethic of Reciprocity or the “Golden Rule.”

2006oct01. Actual text of the Torture Bill.

2006oct01. Old, relevant: Freedom on a Leash.

2006oct01. Apparently, Bob Woodward’s “State of Denial” indicates that Bush meets with Henry Kissinger every month. Bush has closed ranks, only speaks to his closest advisers ... and Kissinger’s one of them. You don’t suppose that’s where King George got the idea for the retroactive war crime pardon, do you?

Mommy ... why doesn’t the word “Laos” appear in Kissinger’s Wikipedia entry?

2006oct02. Krome: "Please call everyone, before she dies in that hellhole.” I never understood the people who claimed that the government was building concentration camps ... they’ve already built them. For people seeking asylum, refuge, for the dispossessed from Katrina.

2006oct02. Welcome, my friend. Welcome to BARF World.

2006oct02. Reviving a dead hard drive: Dr. Freeze jacks in.

2006oct02. The nice people over at The Consumerist recently pointed to a LA Times article detailing a customer who’s suing Washington Mutual. The bank has recently switched the interiors to be more “customer-friendly” -- tellers now work from separate kiosks, spaced apart, peppered throughout the bank. A criminal-type was able to see one customer withdraw a large sum of money; he later used this knowledge to “jack” the customer, who then plaintiffied.

This is how far designers can travel up their own buttocks – there’s so many reasons there’s a line between what the bank’s doing and what the customer’s seeing. And yet, this cockamamie divide-and-conquer money show made it past n people, who, perhaps in the past, were considered experts in their fields. “Now customers can navigate directly to a customer representative’s kiosk merely by stepping over the severed heads of our former managerial staff.”

I wonder if those kiosks fit through the doors. [FX: grabbing handcart]

2006oct03. How exactly did I miss this? Beth Gibbons (Portishead) and Paul Webb (Talk Talk) collaborating? Photo: Christ, cheer up, Beth.

2006oct04. There was a problem with this week’s phone at Phoneswarm. So I replaced it. I’m that kind of “can-do guy” guy.

2006oct04. The Executive Coloring Book [via reddit].

2006oct05. Shampoo: an explanation. I stopped shampooing my hair on two separate occasions, for about five weeks each – running it (“hair”) under water each day, then rinsing with apple cider vinegar. The first time, my hair was fine; the second time, things Were Not So Good. I don’t know why. More testing? More testing.

2006oct06. Mail about shampoo.

Dear Sirs:

Are you insane?

For you must be, Sirs, to take “shampoo advice” seriously from the Christian Brotherhood. Sirs, they ask that you pour vinegar on your poor, unsuspecting hair follicles, without offering any true scientific rationale for such an odoriferous treatment. While I appreciate your willingness for experimentation, I question the judgement you exercised upon- or perhaps, against- the very follicles that have proven to be so loyal to you over these past many years.

Please, please, reconsider your current stance on hair care products, and leave any advice to those professionals not affiliated with any particular religion; for remember, God helps those who wash their OWN hair.

Thank you for consideration, and please feel free to use my real name.

Your humble servant,
Emma D.

re: Boo Shampoo!
Hey Prof.
These ladies have given up the ‘poo: [link] and I have followed suit. I have two old ‘poo bottles in the tub, one for the baking soda solution, and one for the apple cider vinegar solution, used every other wash. Check it out. It’s been working great on my head for a week.
-Chris T.

My name is [x] representing [y] Transportation. I am the [title] for our fleet sales department and would like to purchase a billboard on the I-10. Would you be able to help me out with finding a spot to put one. Thanks~

Mr. [x]
[title] Fleet Sales
[y] Transportation

On the shampoo front, I have to chemically disagree: “But the water supply slowly changed. It’s now generally more alkaline, which people call hard water.”

Um, no. The water is what the water is wherever the water is. It’s not changing worldwide. In London it’s damn hard, here in St. Paul it’s quite gently soft as always. The article falls flat on its science face immediately because alkalinity and hardness are not the same. The rest has merit but once a false gauntlet has been thrown ... .

I had no idea the shampoo advice was wrapped in a cloak of religiosity. That’s not where I got my initial advice to skip shampoo.

The Moonies ... I got it from the Moonies. Can I interest you in a flower for the little lady? It will help pay for my indoctrination and gruel. How about some fresh salmon? Whoops, light’s changed ... Rev. Moon go with you!! [cough, cough]

I advise all of you, including me, to seek non-spiritual solutions to our shitty hair problems.

2006oct06. More soap mail.

hardness vs pH: [link] “Hard water (high mineral content) is usually high in pH. Soft water (low mineral) is usually low in pH.”

is soap better than detergent? [link] “If you live in an area where the water is soft, you will have more success with soaps, but even then a gradual build-up of calcium and magnesium ions (also called ‘curd’) will be left in the fabric of your diapers”

here is a picture: [link] “When soap is added to hard water, insoluble compounds form which appear as sticky scum.”

2006oct08. A poster on an airline crew forum asked: Anyone have good (or bad) on-board experiences dealing with celebrities?.

I was lucky enought to have the Dalai-Lama on board. He was very humble (sat in business, not first) and charming. He wrote messages of good will for all of us.

Jean-Jacques Cousteau (oceanographer) – very nice guy despite cancelled flights.

Keiko (orca whale) – very pleasant sea creature. Flew out of Newport, OR on an Air Force cargo jet. Didn’t struggle against the net.

2006oct09. If you are in the Bay Area, do not forget to go see Dr. Bronner’s Magic SoapBox tomorrow or Wednesday at the Mill Valley Film Festival. It is the story of the soap you see all over the place with the tiny, tiny type and the man who created it.

2006oct09. Mail.

Hi
We are the (X Assocation) and will be stoping at your diner in Bisbee for lunch on the 20th of Oct. The group should be between 8 to 10 hungery people. Thought you would like a heads up.
Regards
Bobby L.

Good to know.

2006oct09. New York Magazine: Colbert Has America by the Ballots.

2006oct09. WFMU: Groupie MP3s. I was just wondering the other day where those megaditzy Propellerhead samples came from. “We hustled our way in ... everybody had long hair ... ” “That’s groovy ... that’s groovy I guess.” “Yeah, it’s groovy.” “He’s got a nice body ... he’s wearing velvet pants.” Love the way she pronounces “pants.” That’s why that quote’s in the song ... easily.

2006oct09. The Tate has installed five giant five-story slides. The artist, Carsten Holler, envisions slides being used in everyday situations, at least that’s what a museum associate seems to imply. I am all for this. I have travelled through a Carsten Holler slide in Boston and I pronounced it “All-Righta!” A series of slides connecting the US and the UK is not only feasible, it already exists in my own mind.

2006oct13. Friday Freeday.

Bouncing attractor flash thing. [via digg]
“I can see through time” – 50s Band-Aid commercial [1 min]. “Ohmigod, I’m a tiny platelet ... now I’m a strand of spaghetti ... now I can hear YELLOW-RED IDAHO!”
Letterman: Amy Sedaris neighborhood tour
Letterman: Amy Sedaris interview [1 2]
Eleanor Powell: Rope Dance [4:42 min].
Red chair series [50 photos].
Emi brings Lisa v. Diddy [via deuce of clubs].

2006oct13. $1.65 billion for youtube and there’s no way to enter negative search terms. I’ll give you negative search for a couple million. I’m just sayin’, is all.

2006oct14. Special thanks to whomever kicked a li’l something in the tip jar. I forgot about that thing.

2006oct15. Another special thank you to the person who doubled the tip from yesterday. That makes you twice as crazy. Also, new phoneswarm is up.

2006oct17. We have now entered the period that henceforth shall be known as Freedom Plus.

2006oct20. It’s an all-Lost Friday Freeday today. There are a few ways to rock entire episodes. We can go to Paris (Daily Motion), or we can go Beijing (Ouou). I’ve had problems with various episodes using both of these viewers. Daily Motion episodes are chopped into two or three parts (ex: 1a,1b,1c), works well with IE, extremely poorly with Opera (the slider bars don’t work and it locks up if you click on the screen). Firefox I’ve given up on for video other than Youtube, because I get juddering etc – I keep a lot of tabs open, so between that memory hog and the ugly memory leak, it’s juddering ahoy! With Daily Motion, if you start noodling with the slider bar to look at, for example, some sort of quick “easter egg” image in Lost, it can lose track and will judder when you go back to regular playback, so you have to re-load, and ZZzzzzzzz. Some brilliant sop marked some of the Lost episodes as being “adult-oriented,” so use bugmenot to get passwords for Daily Motion. Ouou episodes are just numbered (ex: 1,2,3). The slider bar in IE isn’t there, but you can move this invisible control around. Sometimes Daily Motion or Ouou will just choke and die, so flip to the other domain. If you can’t get a specific episode working or want to read the English subtitles for Sun/Jin’s Korean conversations obscured by Ouou’s second layer of Chinese subtitles, hit the scripts. ABC has the third season online but there seems to be a problem with the “pause” feature when you leave and come back, it doesn’t restart. In addition to pointing out various problems, doc found a third website that apparently has Lost episodes, but they’re all .rar downloads. I didn’t mess with these. Scientific observation has revealed that increased exposure to Lost is inversely correlated with interest in the series. Proceed with caution. (potential problem files are marked with asterisks, there are also duplicates of some episodes)

Season 1. 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 * | 21 | 22 | 23 | 23 | 24 * | 25

Season 2. 1 | 2 | 3 * | 3a | 3b | 3c | 4 | 4a | 4b | 4c | 5 | 5a * | 5b | 5c | 6 | 6a | 6b | 6c | 7 | 7a | 7b | 7c | 8 | 8a | 8b | 8c | 9 * | 9a | 9b | 9c | 10 | 10a | 10b | 10c | 11 | 11a | 11b | 11c | 12 * | 12a | 12b | 12c | 13 | 13a | 13b | 13c | 14 | 14a | 14b | 14c | 15 | 15a | 15b | 15c | 16 | 16a | 16b | 16c | 17 | 17a | 17b | 17c | 18 | 18a | 18b | 18c | 19 (mislabelled ep 10) | 19a | 19b | 19c | 20 | 20a 20b | 20c | 21 | 21a | 21b | 21c | 22 | 22a | 22b | 22c | 23 | 23a | 23b | 23c | 24 | 24a | 24b | 24c |

Season 3. 1 | 1 (alt) | 1 (alt alt) | 1 (alt alt alt) | 2 | 2 (alt) | 2 (alt alt) | 2a | 2b 3a 3b

2006oct22. Phoneswarm: a new phone is up.

2006oct23. New domain. Tinyflowers. Design. First up: condom tins.

2006oct23. Fun Facts! (Fun Facts!) El Mexicano’s Pico de Gallo “HOT SEASONING FOR FRUITS” (1) has a safety seal that is not actually sealed to the container or anything (2) should not be applied optically.

2006oct24. Yeah, we get it. Bush said “The google.” It’s been discussed. It’s strategy. He’s reassuring his base that he’s just as stupid as they are.

2006oct25. Mail.

Er, are you hand updating the feed? I notice it’s still showing the shampoo thing as the lastest update ... .

As for the feed, it has stopped working. The last time my feed reader was able to read it was, yoy, October 6th. Please lavish it with fixes and smoochies.

I think your RSS feed is brokens. AND I WANT A DELICIOUS BAKED GOOD.

Okay. There were several problems with the feed which is auto-generated by some program thing I wrote with my own nine fingers (the last one is constantly flipping off the screen). Feed readers are very picky. I think I fixed all of them, and when I send this “post,” everything should be okay. You should be subscribed to feeds.feedburner.com/cardhouse, not cardhouse.com/feed.xml. And if you are keeping up with Phoneswarm, that’s feeds.feedburner.com/phoneswarm. Eventually Macros2000 and Tinyflowers will have feeds as well. Swell.

2006oct25. Mail.

Thank you for fixing the feed! My feed reader is happy again. I eagerly look forward to reading your insightful commentary on condom package design, though perhaps not while I am at work.

Not so fast, Sassafras. There’s still something wrong with the feed, it just went glooey this morning behind my back. I’ll be tinkering with it today. And the condom stuff isn’t going to be pushed through the feed.

Dear Sir/Madam,

We are basically looking for Button / Coin shaped chocolates for consumable purpose to employees and students. It is basically hard Gold foil in color with chocolate filled inside. The Outside portion ( gold foil ) if we could customize with the logo.

We want to know if you can manufacture/produce the same.

The diameter we have is basically 2cm and Thickness 0.5 cm.

Kindly let me know if you can do the same or according to your size. If you could provide us with an image of the same you have And also we are looking for different packaging traps/ boxes you have for four, tweleve and twenty four chocolates Looking forward to your mail

Thanks and Regards,

Pearl Picardo

Vista Marketing Intl.

P.O. Box 14512

Dubai, U.A.E.

Tel: +971 4 3354525

Fax: +971 4 3349554

Though creating traps for chocolate lovers does sound exciting, our manufacturing facility has been seized by the government to help the war effort. You should try Steenland, they’ll fix you right up.

2006oct25. Whoops, back up, let’s go with that original “the feed is okay” thing. But you’re still not going to get condoms pushed through your feed.

2006oct25. I’ve just received word from the National Halloween Council that this year is EVERYBODY IS TETRIS PIECES HALLOWEEN. If you’re going to be the long piece, you should cut arm hole flaps out then tape them back in place from the inside so the costume looks okay, but if you trip or someone pushes you, you can just jam your arms out the costume and not fall on your face. Because I like your face. Here is a Tetris piece “in action.”

2006oct25. Mail.

I installed a script called “completely idiotic” and pointed it at you so every [paragraph mark] gets this tacked on:

2006oct25. Whoops, back up, let’s go with that original “the feed is okay” thing. But you’re still not going to get condoms pushed through your feed. Which is, of course, completely idiotic.

2006oct25. Mail. Which is, of course, completely idiotic.

Which is, of course, derived from this.

2006oct25. Rolling Back Government: Lessons from New Zealand.

Let me share with you one last story: The Department of Transportation came to us one day and said they needed to increase the fees for driver’s licenses. When we asked why, they said that the cost of relicensing wasn’t being fully recovered at the current fee levels. Then we asked why we should be doing this sort of thing at all. The transportation people clearly thought that was a very stupid question: Everybody needs a driver’s license, they said. I then pointed out that I received mine when I was fifteen and asked them: “What is it about relicensing that in any way tests driver competency?” We gave them ten days to think this over. At one point they suggested to us that the police need driver’s licenses for identification purposes. We responded that this was the purpose of an identity card, not a driver’s license. Finally they admitted that they could think of no good reason for what they were doing – so we abolished the whole process! Now a driver’s license is good until a person is 74 years old, after which he must get an annual medical test to ensure he is still competent to drive. So not only did we not need new fees, we abolished a whole department. That’s what I mean by thinking differently.

2006oct27. Friday Freeday.

Bjork: Bachelorette [5:25 min]
Something Awful Physics [9:45 min].
Borat: first four minutes of movie [4 min!].
Weird Al: White & Nerdy [2:50 min]. Seth Green cameo?
Wonder Showzen: Middle America. [3:29 min]. “TEXAS.” (for krishna)
Wonder Showzen: Number Two’s Tap Dancing Puppet Show [1:30 min].
Sifl & Olly: United States of Whatever [1:28 min].
Sesame Street: Yip Yips v. Telephone [2:57 min].

2006oct27. Big chunk of college radio history in the comments section of this WFMU post.

2006oct28. Hikikomori is a Japanese term referring to the country’s large number of adolescent voluntary shut-ins. Francesco Jodice has created a 22-minute quicktime film about this phenomenon which you can view here by clicking on “English,” then “works,” then down in the lower-right corner, “start.” Side note: from my dim recollection of the Japanese language, most of the time “u"s are whispered, to the point where it’s difficult for a non-speaker to hear them. Two male Japanese skateboarders drop the “u” in otaku but another male Japanese speaking in English hammers that ending “u.”

“SHY BOY!”

2006oct28. A Poem That Takes An Abrupt Turn.

A spider’s web
is a wondrous thing
it catches the sun
in its – I SOLD CRACK
TO A SIX-YEAR-OLD.

2006oct29. The science of playing dead. I do this in the city when things get a little too overwhelming. Also for the Faces of Death macro, which still isn’t in macros2000.

Faces of Death Part N.

The Faces of Death videotape series ($450,000 to make the first one, currently over $30 million gross) supposedly featured a montage of snuff films: auto accidents, murder scenes, people eatin’ monkey brains, alligator attacks, etc. John Schwarz, the writer and co-director creator of the series, has since gone on record explaining that while some of the file footage was real, the subsequent multiple-camera angle snuff endings were faked (“I was the leader of the flesh-eating cult ... I had scenes in each of these movies ... I’m the crazy, drugged-out killer ... “). The title of this series has been appropriated as stinging commentary on the molasses-like quality of an event. In short, emulate a dead person: mouth hanging open, eyes unblinking, body flaccid. Unlike the video series, n has been co-opted as a rating guide – the more impressive the resulting contortions, the higher the number. Believing ourselves to be quite adept at this game, we were taken aback recently by a young girl who was dangling her arms out the window of a moving van with what appeared to be Faces of Death Part Eight. Commonly implemented in restaurants to provide much-needed levity during slow table service. Also applicable while passing slow and/or addled motorists; passengers only, please. “Give granny Faces of Death Part Three.”

2006oct30. New Scientist: Elephants see themselves in mirrors. So that’s elephants, monkeys, and dolphins. I did some tests with the geese I tended to last year, and they knew how to use the mirrors (got the ideer from Nancy Townsend’s book), but I didn’t do any self-recognition tests. They certainly didn’t seem to mind sitting right up next to the mirror and going to sleep with their reflected buddy.

2006oct31. Breakthrough: What I like about baguettes is the chewing. Hardy, rich chewing. There’s no chewing on earth like baguette chewing. Idea: monetize chewing. A chew toy for humans. This sentence has the word “chew” in it. Chew.

2006oct31. Purported insider look at the Youtube/Google deal [via digg].

> The media companies had their typical challenges. Specifically, how to
> get money from Youtube without being required to give any to the
> talent (musicians and actors)?

Awwww, that’s sweet. Just another reason to never give the vampires any more of my precious coin.

2006oct31. A Cardhouse Gold Class Emailer sends along this bit of spam he received.

Wow
I’m glad I opened that one
I like their text generator a lot
I wish they were selling that instead
I would buy it
D’oh!

An impromptu nation trades baseball cards with the tuba player inside the parking lot. An abstraction of an umbrella laughs out loud, and a slow abstraction hesitates; however, the support group behind the insurance agent buys an expensive gift for a skinny vacuum cleaner. Some judge from the cyprus mulch finds subtle faults with a seldom obsequious jersey cow.

If a freight train caricatures some paycheck about another light bulb, then a freight train defined by the submarine procrastinates. When you see some hypnotic reactor, it means that a grizzly bear living with the cargo bay hibernates. When a hypnotic football team rejoices, a briar patch starts reminiscing about lost glory. A fruit cake beyond a bartender competes with the unstable polar bear. Furthermore, an usually spartan light bulb gets stinking drunk, and an earring pours freezing cold water on a soggy tornado. When you see a tattered minivan, it means that a movie theater related to a grizzly bear gets stinking drunk. A hairy defendant is flabby.

A freight train related to a food stamp

For example, an accidentally flatulent class action suit indicates that a mating ritual inexorably buys an expensive gift for a pathetic senator. A turkey prays, and an infected line dancer sweeps the floor; however, the mortician writes a love letter to some seldom purple tabloid. When a skyscraper inside a skyscraper trembles, a greasy plaintiff earns frequent flier miles. Now and then, a ball bearing secretly befriends a knowingly alleged insurance agent. The wheelbarrow living with a fairy, a paper napkin related to the cowboy, and another smelly freight train are what made America great!

I’d buy the book (“Pathetic Senator on Another Smelly Freight Train to Cyprus”).


Book: Animals in Translation Book: Pranks! Book: Adrift - 76 Days Lost At Sea Book: Secret Language of Sleep Book: Consider the Lobster