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2006may01. Went to Big Basin State Park today. In addition to tall trees, I wanted to see a waterfall, and a banana slug. I did not see a waterfall. It was too far, and the trail was very muddy. I found the slug resting in a hollow of a felled tree.

The directions you get from the state park site are convoluted and add an unnecessary big chunk of mileage when coming in from the North. Just grab 9 as soon as you can (from either 35 or San Jose) and ride it in. At one point for about five miles the road is so narrow they didn’t bother putting the yellow stripe down, but it’s still a curvy two-way road. This equals excitement.

Also I have been listening to old Saint Etienne. For some reason it provokes feelings of nostalgia though I’m not sure for what, exactly. I think it’s some sort of abstract longing for club dancing, though I can’t recall ever shaking my most perfect ass to Cracknell’s vocals in any sanctioned danceteria back in the day.

2006may01. Stephen Colbert on 60 Minutes [12:45].

2006may02. Phoneswarm: A new payphone. Located in Big Basin State Park. An amazing coincidence.

2006may02. Colbert/Stewart post-game.

2006may05. Ze Frank: The Show. It is a show. With Ze Frank.

2006may05. Beating a MSM-dead horse: Daily Show’s Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert on the 2005 White House Correspondent’s Dinner. Perhaps that’s why Laura didn’t shake his hand. Or maybe it was the speech thing. [via the dying gasps of youtube]

2006may05. Why We Fight. [1hr 39min]

2006may05. More scaling. I didn’t get as much anaesthetic this time, so the Post-Scrape Numb Games were a bit of a letdown this time. Though I did immediately go into a high-priced supermarket I used to frequent back in the salad days to see if I could find something to “nosh” on and a woman almost bumped a cart into me. We both did that quick smile thing or at least I think I did. Partially, at least. A contorted half-smile. I am a grotesque monster in the overpriced cheese aisle, please flee in terror at your earliest convenience. Rarrr. Rar.

2006may06. It’s Fideo Friday!

Bullshit!: Profanity [27 min].
Bullshit!: Family Values [29 min; nsfw].
Bullshit!: Ground Zero [29 min].
Dispatches: Supermarket Secrets Part I [UK; 48 min].
Dispatches: Supermarket Secrets Part II [UK; 49 min].
Frontline: The Secret History of the Credit Card [54 min].
One Thursday In November: Life of a Street Busker [33 min].
The Decline of Belly Dancing In Egypt [4 min].

In “One Thursday In November,” watch around 13:48 for the woman holding the cigarette a foot away from an infant. Awesome. That is, if you can get through the actual busking parts. How bad could it be, you ask, it’s just at the level of bad busking, right? One Word In This Sentence: Puppet. Cool guy, though. I also like the film, it has a quiet demeanor to it for the most part. This is why I am a documentary slobberhound. Or perhaps it’s the anaesthetic.

2006may09. I have some Zip disks. They are old. I would like to get rid of them. But I need to back them up. I called FedExKinko’s or whatever they’re called. A summary.

“Do you have Zip drives?”
”Mac or PC?”
“How much does it cost?”
”Twenty-five cents a minute.”

Walked four miles to FedExKinko’s. I like walking.

“I would like to use a Macintosh.”
”Our Macintosh is down.”
“Since when?”
“It’s been a week.”

How’s that boat anchor working out for you, FedEx?

2006may10. The child outside has repeatedly conjectured, in a boastful manner, that the other child cannot possibly retrieve him.

2006may12. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay Friday Free Day!

The Secret Government. [1987; 21 min] Billy Moyers. Edited down from original.
Dispatches: Spinning Terror. [9 min] Investigation into the ricin component of Colin Powell’s Nayirah-like strawman.
Fox (animal) on trampoline. [2 min via doc]
The Corporation: Monsanto. [11 min] Whistleblower lawsuit against Fox (government ass-kiss) News/Monsanto for trying to bury the rGBH (growth hormone) story.
Inside Bjork [1 2 3]
They are made out of meat. [7 min]
How to speak sexy English poorly. Short Japanese instructional video. Hilarious ending.
FedEx planes dance around thunderstorm.
Old Daily Show: Stephen Colbert tackles his toughest adversary, the oil industry.

2006may12. In your face, little!

2006may12. Google Trends Again: I am enjoying this way too much. I bet those folks had fun at the Winterfest.

2006may13. The Computer Work-Out. A poem.

Giant keyboard on the wall
Space bar 75-pound barbell
Mouse is special all-directions treadmill
Takes ten-minute jog to cover a diagonal
No more carpal tunnel
Buff nerds.

2006may13. Bungy Hedley talks about the early days of beachcombing with her father, Eli Hedley. Maybe you should start with this article about Hedley history.

2006may13. PROJECT SHAMROCK. I’m also surprised at how many times I’m seeing references to the spurious Washington Post poll that 60% of Americans LUVVVVVV being spied on by the NSA. There was a good write-up of that somewhere, but that was yesterday. Today is now, baby.

2006may13. Doc has turned up something interesting. If you’re logged into Amazon, and you go off on a completely separate tab and do a search for, say, Eric Clapton Unplugged, and then come back and refresh the Amazon page, your recommendations will be all for Eric Clapton Unplugged CDs and DVDs.

That’s odd, I don’t really remember telling Amazon to spy on my Google searches.

Hello, Cardhouse Robot. We have recommendations for you.
Customers with similar searches purchased
“Hot swedish porn where they’re not wearing pants either” DVD “Tamil ring tones” CD “Eric Clapton Dismembered” CD

2006may14. Trend: Culottes, giraffes running mostly even.

2006may16. ZeFrank: if the earth were a sandwich data visualization find my opposite tool. See what’s on the other side of the earth. My guess is water. Explained here [quicktime].

2006may16. I just took a bite of a piece of broccoli and the stalk squirted a stream of hot water directly onto my tongue. I don’t like vegetables. Ice cream would never think of doing that to anyone.

2006may19. When I am completely wigging out, for some reason The KLF’s Chill Out still somehow works its wonders. I do not know why this is. Anyway. It is Friday. That is a “free day.”

Colbert’s “Better Know A District” THE FIGHTIN’ 2ND!
Penguin shopping. I’m of two minds on this one.
Flash: Dumb Dinosaur.
StepMail / StepPhoto.
The Great Flydini. Steve Martin on the Tonight Show on Johnny Carson’s last day. Ricky Jay was involved in Flydini logistics.
Big collection of 80s videos. Oooh, The Plastics: Copy. That’s ... horrible. The first time I saw The Plastics was on SCTV’s “Jerry Todd Show” with Rick Moranis playing Jerry Todd, a “video DJ.” This was before MTV existed.
Silent Library. Japanese game show. Read WFMU’s description. Two of the guys are the pair from “Hey! Hey! Hey! Music Champ” and I think one guy is from A Laughing Dog’s Discovery.

2006may22. Customer service problems: Taxi Division. [via Doc]

2006may26. Ain’t got much for Friday Free Day. I’ve been working on another website. But here are two things.

Phoneswarm: New payphone w/webcam. It is in Maryland. At the beach.
Youtube: Look Around You: Maths. There are others available in the “explore more videos” directive/column thing.

2006may28. The other day my friend and I loaded up a truck of olde crap and drove out to the dump. It’s very small – it’s actually run inside a Starbucks. Ha ha, generic Starbucks size joke. The front-loaders at the dump get in the way when you’re trying to back up into the space and they cross-talk direct you even though you’d think they’d have it down after doing it for years and years. “Go over there, by the truck.” “Go over here, not by the truck.” “Drive around in circles, sing campfire songs backward with a Russian accent.” So we’re unloading the truck, carelessly tossing stuff onto the big trash pile which is then pushed into a bigger trash pile and then that trash pile wins. We’ve got crazy footing, stepping all over the place. We finished throwing all the stuff on the pile, and my friend looks down and between the two of us on the ground is a vase. He kind of likes it. My friend is a guy with an eye for vases. He picks it up, and there are no chips or cracks in this thing. Back home, he “connects” with the “interweb” and discovers that it is a ~1923 Roseville Lily Zephyr Vase, worth about $140. He’s keeping it. When’s the last time you threw out $140? I call my friend the vase whisperer now, he’s like the alpha vase and every other [falls asleep mid-aside]

2006may28. When I travel through airports, I try to arrange metal components inside my carry-on bags to spell out expletives that are revealed via x-ray bombardment. I am an urban Andy Goldsworthy.

2006may28. Mail.

hi i came across ur site bi accident and just wanted 2 say keep up the gd wrk i thght it was cool

o i c u r a fan thx u rok

2006may28. Mail.

hi i was wondering if they sell little bobdog cigarettes(candy) in chicago.

Mail, literally three minutes later.

did u get the letter answer me or else hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hhahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahah ahahhhhhhhahahahahahahhahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

The FDA is fast-tracking Neurodex. I recommend you look into it.

2006may28. [Macros2000] The Macros2000 web site now actually has macros. About 110, I think. The tags page is a good place to start. You can add macros if this is something that would appeal to you. The adding.

2006may29. Cleaning out cobwebs.

“I can’t stand that. I’m like ‘fuck off. We have an extra one. You’re nothing.’”
– Lindsay Pierce of the Pierce Triplets of Plano, Texas, describing meeting twins. (FHM, July 2003)

“I would eat everything in the world.”
-- Miss USA, Brook Mahealani Lee of Hawaii, in response to the final question of the Miss Universe Pageant, 1997: “If there were no rules in your life for one day, and you could be really outrageous, what would you do?”

“He has really quick reaction time. We were in our personal car on the road, and he said to me, ‘Look at this – there’s going to be a huge wreck up ahead.’ I had time to put down the paper, look up, and see a six-car wreck in front of us happening. He drives over in the grass; we avoid the whole thing.”
-- Brooke Gordon, wife of NASCAR racer Jeff Gordon (Esquire Magazine 1999)

2006may30. Capsule. Music videos. Last one for completion, it’s way too jpop for me.

Retro Memory.
Plastic Girl.
Music Controller.
Candy Cutie.
Tokyo Smiling.

2006may31. Youtube: Black Books – meta-rejection. What I most liked about some of the rejection letters I received was that they were printed on tiny slips of paper ... wispy things. This was ostensibly to save on paper costs, but carried one message to the receiver: you are not even worth a whole piece of paper, you tosser. So I decided to go mad instead.