2006dec01. Friday Freeday.
Jon Stewart: 2004 CSPAN interviewt [1 hr].
World Record Domino Thing. Stay with it until the end, even though the whole thing has this annoying “music” theme, just to see the reactions of the builders. We are going ape-shit for dominoes. Also the outfits.
David Caruso emotes. I’m on the edge of my seat, then I fall off from laughing so hard. It’s another Julie Chen-like montage. These things will need a short and snappy name. It is both a collage and a montage. Thus: mollage. Or coltage. I would like to see a large chunk of people imitating this crap segue. A mollage tribute mollage. Also, I know David Spade is irritating, but watch his related segment.
The rabbit opens letters. Truly a dream machine. Now how much would you pay. But wait, there’s more. You’ll get this darling hairball-creating cat absolutely free. Turn your friends green with envy. They laughed when I sat down to clean up the hairball. But when I started to clean! --
David Cross does Bruce Vilanch.
Woody Allen interviews Billy Graham, late 60s: Part one, two.
problem is figuring out how to get it to “take”
sometimes you get lucky
sometimes you don’t
peter paul almond joy’s got nuts
i will remember that on my deathbed
wisdom to pass along to my horse
“jimmy i have something important to tell you”
“before you eat me”
I looked up this email to contact Mr. Merv Griffin. I had the pleasure and priviledge of working at the [x] Festival during the summers of 1969 and 1970. There I met the producer Mr. [y] and many other wonderful people. Unfortunately for me, I lost touch with them . Since you are also a producer is there any chance that you can help to put me in touch with [y] again? He has three children whom I also cannot find. They are : [y1] , [y2] and [y3]. He has a sister who is named [z]. I hope that you can help me reconnect with these wonderful people again. Thank you kindly. [name]
I BEAT THE INTERNET
THE END GUY WAS HARD
2006dec10. Important tip from a local daily rag. “If you don’t have time to bake pies for your holiday party, have the caterers bake in your dishes.”
please get back to me but is there anyway you can buy these
Yes. You can buy these.
2006dec13. Leslie Harpold has passed. She left the same tiny sliver of the midwest I lived in, but we didn’t start talking until she lived in NYC. She translated some text I had written to send to someone in France, she offered crash space when I was in a ridiculously tight spot, I warned her about the California DMV, we talked mostly about typography and relationships and projects and etc. Words aren’t really doing it. Leslie.
We are agents from benin republic in africa. We have found buyers of your products.
I was wondering where they had gotten off to. That’s a little farther than a walk in the park, granted, but if you can get them on a plane aimed in this general direction I’d appreciate it.
are those products present a bad impact on children?
In other news, I was “on call” to be the Official Photographer of The Last Olde Giraffe Disassembly 2006 but unfortunately things didn’t work out. I had the entire article laid out, words, graphics, it was kicky. So just imagine that I totally rocked your face with poignant photos of a semi-giraffe. I missed the whale, I missed the bottlenose dolphin. Sawing big dead animals into sections, it’s what the kids are into these days, it’s hip, it’s hot, it’s “hep.” Tell 50 of your friends.
2006dec20. I forgot what you’re supposed to do when a earthquake hits. Eat the rich?
I am in shanghai now . I am looking for a job.
I am not in Shanghai. I am not looking for a job. LETZ “BEE” PEN PALS
2006dec29. I was using a knife to un-cake a small glass bottle of garlic powder, just jabbing the knife into the garlic mass repeatedly and I poked the knife through the bottom. One small chip of glass went flying into the sink, and half the garlic poured out of the new hole while my brain was trying to process what had just happened. “Pouring ... out bottom ... of glass?” The single glass chip fits perfectly into the void. Surreal.
2006dec30. My first day in L.A. this year I had to make the most difficult decision of my life: continue with my friends to the do-nut shoppe, or get all up in a bizarre auto accident involving a fire hydrant and a 100-foot column of gushing water. The driver took off; perhaps it was stolen, perhaps the driver was under the influence and wanted to dry out before answering questions. The fireman thought I was the driver because I was swarming around trying to get all the interesting angles. At one point I had to run away because the wind shifted and the ~100 foot column of water was starting to land on me; I figured if I let it happen, it would be great video, but it would be the last thing the camera recorded.
Firefighters chop through pavement; amateur cameraman unsuccessfully fights urge to shoot video in “portrait” mode.
Car with magical rainbow.
Elephant seals show little interest from beach located 200 miles away and many hours prior (included as control).
2006dec31. Just spoke to a friend of mine. He was part of a three-person team that created the board game “Bootleggers,” which deals with the business opportunities created when a government goes on a morality kick to save people from themselves and bans a potable liquid. It was a hybrid European/American style game, so naturally they were eyeing the German/Italian market. When the game got over there, there was a problem – they didn’t know what “bootlegging” was, and they had no similar word for it. My friend said they would have done much better if they called it “American Gangster Bang-Bang!”