2006apr13. The Panopticist has a good summary of radio personality Joe Frank, and also a link to one of his tracks, “Eden.” I first heard Joe Frank while wandering around Burning Man in 1995 or 1996, it’s all mushed together as I was afraid it would be. I think I was with someone at the time, and we both stopped, listening to this mesmerizing voice explaining something that was beyond hilarious and just lovingly fucked up beyond comprehension and we were eating it up, getting our brains fried both from the outside by the sun and inside by Mr. Frank. And of course I forgot about it for a few years and then one day I’m listening to the William Orbit track “Montok Point” and I’m screaming “THAT’S THE GUY THAT’S THE GUY.” See if you can find that track for yourself, it’s in my semi-heavy rotation list right now. It doesn’t really give you the whole Joe Frank experience, it’s actually an excerpt from a longer piece. I’m sorry to hear about his medical problems, certainly.
2006apr13. Billmon: Mutually Assured Dementia. [Originally I had a link to a short video of Scott Ritter debunking a recent LA Times article here – I thought he speaking as a UN weapons inspector, but he has since left that post; the original link here] Project for the New American Century is securely in the driver’s seat, and we’re all just screaming passengers now. (old, still sadly relevant: What Barry Says – quicktime | wmv [~3 min])
2006apr17. Film trailer: Dr. Bronner’s Magic Soapbox. This is the soap with the label with the teeny-tiny writing that goes on and on forever. I was going to make an issue of X Magazine with a “parody” cover of the label back in the 90s but then I went with a Waffle House design instead. This is how it goes. Haha, that was twelve years ago. Right here, ’94 [FX: Rascal AutoGo Visions® stage right]. [via doc]
After lunch, Arcari and Singh were due back at the central office, in Syosset, to download their findings. They offered to drive me back into Manhattan, but we agreed that it would make more sense for me to take the subway. None of us knew where to find it, though. Subway stations are not attributes; Navteq honors the primacy of the automobile [ ... ] We pulled into a gas station, and I ran inside to ask for directions.
Yes. About that. Adding subway stops to a local map would add ... what ... twenty or so dots? I walk, a lot, and I use Google Maps to get around sometimes, and they also don’t have subway stops. And here, the author of the piece has to ask directions even though he’s in the company of two digital mapping employees. It’s like a big flashing sign: “you could probably invest a little time and do much better.”
2006apr18. Evany’s book, The Secret Language of Sleep, a Couple’s Guide to the Thirty-Nine Positions has just been released from captivity. It’s embossed. This is a classy book, with that inlaid title card and all. I had a chance to sit down with Evany earlier in the year and talk to her about the book.
“Do you have the position where one person jams their face into the armpit of the other?”
But it’s got every other position. You can find more information about it here. It’s even got a sleep test which is much better than that finding-out-your-sleep-number-computer-thing I did at the county fair ...
THANK YOU FOR INVESTIGATING YOUR SLEEP NUMBER “JOSEPH BLOW”
A FULL ONE-THIRD OF YOUR LIFE IS SPENT SLEEPING
YOUR SLEEP NUMBER IS: 0.3333333333333333333333333333333333333333
I got Lotto picks for an extra clam, so it wasn’t a total waste.
2006apr19. As is the fashion of the time, spring turns the thoughts of many of us to the joys of merry-go-round social-networking whoredom. So here is my myspace space. No, I don’t know why. But feel free to be my myspace space friend (you will have to click on the link that reads “be my ‘friend’”). We will all join up and go to the amusement park but it will be too crowded and hot and my feet are tired but then when we get home we know that we owned that amusement park, except for dropping the licorice and Superman double scoop ice cream cone and walking through that plate glass window a second later. Ours. All of us.
The kids we go for are the kids who, when we say, “Would you like to smash a guitar against a brand-new car?” are like, “I’ve been dreaming about this, please let me do that!”
2006apr20. I went in to the dentist’s office today to get a cavity filled. Sony’s My First Cavity®. Plus half of something they’re calling a “deep cleaning.”
“That’s also called 'scaling,’ right?”
“They called it ‘deep cleaning’ because 'scaling’ sounds kind of creepy, right?”
[uneasy professional laughter]
You get scaled – I mean deep cleaned – when you don’t go to the dentist in a long time. A really long time. That’s what check-ups are all about, they need to explain this in much more dire terms, I think. I sort of lost track of this millennium, what with my work at the orphanage and the two years with the WNBA. I thought it was going to be much more harsh, they just use water pressure to clean your teeth below the gum line. At least, that’s the way it felt/sounded/etc, I kept my eyes closed the whole time – dentists don’t need their patients looking at them. So if the procedure is something different, like twenty steak knives or some other horror show, don’t email me with the “solution.” I’d rather remain thinking it’s water, because I’ve got another appointment to go in for the other half.
And even though it’s local anaesthetic, when it was time to get up and pay I felt really disoriented – I think it’s because my brain was so busy trying to figure out what was happening during the procedure. “Ooooh ... strawberry? They flavor the local? Weirdos.” The two locals needed for deep cleaning were administered in a more “mellow” fashion than the five to seven locals I got ten years ago for wisdom teeth removal. Not like needles going into your gum, more like someone rubbing it.
Right now my teeth are still numb, so I’m poking around in there for self-amusement. It’s fun, when you rub up against your cheek it’s like your sense of touch is approximating where your teeth are.
2006apr21. Before I left the dentist, he told me to rinse with salt water “two or three times a day.” Until 2017? Forever? I was sort of out of it when he was going through all the things I needed to do and/or not do. Dentists and doctors really need to make a big master checklist and then just tick off everything that needs to be done, and put big “X"s through things to not be done. HOT compress? COLD compress? PUDDING-BASED compress? He also said something about brushing and then a word that started with “fl” but again I wasn’t in my right mind. Ended with a snakey sound. I’m sure it’s not that important.
’In a rat, there’s a mating ritual,’ says Palatin’s CEO Carl Spana. ‘The female rat will approach the male head-to-head. She will wiggle her ears, she will wiggle her whiskers, she will nibble at him, and finally she’ll turn and run away.’ If the male chooses not to pursue her, she may return and, as one leading rat sexologist puts it, ‘kick him in the face’.
Rats: Always A Class Act. Let us look to rats to develop new sexual habits. I’m getting HOTT already, thinking about a fine gal kicking me in the face to spur coitus.
Every time the penis of a subject rat emerged, observers marked down the event in a notebook.
WOW HOW MUCH DOES THAT JOB PAY
2006apr23. Upon reflection, I’m seeing the previous post as an escapsulation of the last ten years of Cardhouse. It’s all there, really.
2006apr23. Rat sexologist.
will i feel anything when cardhouse goes web 2.0? is cardhouse already converted to web 2.0? what will radiate out from the cardhouse web 2.0 core?
I am working diligently to bring the website up to the year 2002. So Cardhouse will be Web 2.0 compliant four years after that, add a few years on for change ... 2013. Really, I don’t see that there’s anything in the 2.0 canon that Cardhouse needs. Ajax? Wikis? But if you start looking at definitions of Web 2.0, you will see that one of the terms is “blogging,” which I believe is a “slang” term to represent a website that offers weblog services for its users. As I am the only user, I guess that means Cardhouse was Web 2.0 compliant back around 1997-1998, by that metric. Oooooh, snap!
2006apr24. I take part of my previous entry back. One thing that is in the pipes is syndication. That’s coming, so get ready. You don’t look ready. No, that’s your sex face ... don’t make me ask you to kick me in the face. Try again. No. Not that one. God no. You’re really not trying, here. I’ll get back with you.
2006apr28. Pimp My Snack. Man, this place has exploded with entries. We will see its influence in the corporate sector -- soon it will be difficult to carry store-bought snacks to the check-out line. Because they will be too big. I don’t know that this is the right name for this project – something like “Embiggen My Snack” or “10X SNACK UP!!!!” would be more appropriate. Though there is this which captures the spirit of “Pimp My Ride” almost exactly.
2006apr29. Doc sent along a link to the book Possum Living (1978) and I done dug up a reference to a Possum Living movie from 1981. It was like a link jamboree, Doc got on the jug and I was playing the washing board weeeoooo we were cooking.
when is the cinco de mayo festitbal
The date of this popular festival changes each year. In 2006, it will be held on Arbor Day. Which was yesterday, so you just missed it. Next year, it will be on National Helicopter Week (July 20 – May 2), so you have some time to fashion your costume. [I didn’t actually send this note. I’m not that mean. I said: ”It’s on ... YOUR FACE!” which is really much better than a misleading answer, I think.]
2006apr30. Stephen Colbert becomes the first person to actually serve Bush [25 min]. Essential viewing.