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2005may02. Bacon Strip Bandages [via boingboing]. The ha-ha funny part gets better when you consider the lowly botfly. The botfly burrows into your skin, and one way to get it out is to slap a succulent, sexy piece of bacon on top of your skin. Then the botfly turns his ass around and dives out of your skin, into the bacon, and then you remove the bacon and pound it with a hammer until it’s two-dimensional. Then you apparently put a bacon bandage on the wound.

2005may02. Today on the freeway some truck came zooming up behind me, swerved out of my lane, passed me, then sort of went half into my lane and back again so I honked and that’s when I noticed the large sticky letters on the back window:


So I guess I’m fitting in even more now.

2005may04. Aphid-Ranching Ants.

2005may06. The geese are now over a month old. This means that they are officially older than a month. I’m so happy to see them growing, especially after peeling Lono off the cardboard shipping box. Man. There hasn’t been much in the way of new behavior. I keep forgetting to mention one of my favorite things – when the geese feed, they tend to make a mess. Stuff goes flying everywhere. So if it’s getting dark, and they’re in a feeding frenzy, once we’re done giving them food they go off to a corner or to the mirror to rest. ‘Cause eating ... very tiring. And then we’ll bring out the work light. This is to keep predators away and provide warmth though I think at this point they don’t need it. So the light goes on and some of them screech a little bit and get up because look at all the food on the ground. Also, their nostrils? You can see straight through ‘em from left to right or vice-versa, whatever your preference.

Geese photos Day 31: Bath-time.

2005may06. Mail.

Goose questions: Is there a chance they will fly away and leave you, once their wings are developed and they understand flight? How bonded do they become to their adopted home? What if they went off on a day trip and something prevented them from returning? Oh my, that would be sad. I hope that doesn’t happen. Does it worry you?

Not in the slightest. These are domestic geese, and I don’t know if they’ve been precision-crafted not to fly or their lineage came from some ancient goose that was the only one left sitting near a pond when everybody else flew off, but for the most part they can’t fly. Some books claim the (I might have this switched around) Sebastopol can’t fly, yet individual Sebastopols have been able to fly over cars (more like “wing hop”), and the Toulouse just plain can’t fly. So at least two of these geese will be able to hop over any fence if they so desire, but apparently they are creatures of strict routine and thus bond tightly to their home. One example given in a goose DYI book indicates that if you’re leading the geese to their new mature goose coop for the first time and the geese somehow are able to break away and lead you on a circuitous route to the coop, that’s essentially the route you’ll be taking them on every time you do it. We’ve been trying to keep visitings, feedings, water refreshing as random as possible so they don’t slip into a pattern. Flexible geese are the best geese – I think we’d rather not have the geese knocking on the house door(s) at 6am for feeding, as someone mentioned earlier.

LC actually escaped the pen the other day, and took to wandering around the porch, looking around, inspecting. Didn’t bolt for the hills, and if he hadn’t been returned to the pen a few minutes later he probably would have been trying to on his own. I put an extra board up on the door base so it’s not likely to happen again, at least until they can wing-hop – and they’ll probably be in the backyard with the coop by then.

Also, Lono is finally bellying up to the food bar. Up until the last few days, Lono would start to eat stuff out of your hand, but as soon as there were other geese competing for the food, he would just eat scraps off the ground. Now he’s in there, fighting for the right to survive. Again, it warms the heart.

Bad eating update: They’ve pretty much eaten one-fourth of one course of thick fibrous rope off the kiddie chair. Or really, torn it off then chewed on it like some hayseed goose. I went around the pen picking up the stray pieces yesterday. Fiber caches. Now whenever I lean down to refresh their food or water they’re all running up to me squawking, because they’re about to attack any fabric that can be noshed on. This is a new development, usually they’d be a little shy about it, take half a minute to get down to business ... but now, instant delicious pants belt loop!

2005may06. I did get the two types of geese mixed up – the Sebastopols cannot fly because their wings are not strong enough. The Toulouses can – I don’t think they’re long-distance fliers, just large obstacle hurdlers / vertical freak-outters – although you will read in various places that they can’t even do that. As if to underscore the point, today for the first time (that I’ve seen) a Toulouse flapped its wings and hopped, three times. Cleared about an inch and a half with each hop. Looked like it was Lono. So proud.

2005may08. The geese have become skilled insect hunters, having hours of practice during the night when the work lamp is on. I just saw Casati devour a one-inch beetle in ten seconds. They’ve also had some visitors over the last day, in the form of four dogs. One large one stopped by at one a.m., and was frustrated by the wire fencing, smashing his front paws against it repeatedly. A bit of yelling sent him away, and shortly thereafter there was much commotion and screaming from the chicken coop next door. Agonizing dying poultry sounds. As morning broke, a pack of three comically small dogs stopped by to drool into the pen, and one of them was thoughtful enough to urinate on it. “These geese are clearly marked as mine, your honor.” Another bit of screaming sent them scurrying through the low-lying vegetation. “YA YA DOGS!” I should have said that. So the fence has been beefed-up, fortified, chunks of wood have been added, plastic fencing, etc. I’ll put in some gun cross slits for the geese tomorrow.

2005may09. United Airlines Fantasy Flight program for sick children.

Since September 11, 2001, however, the airline can’t afford the jet fuel so they just load them onto the plane, taxi around SFO, and go back to the terminal.

2005may09. The geese now have a new five-gallon waterer that had to be specially modified with instruments of poking to provide that deep-dish watery experience geese need. They not only drink the water (which is very graceful), they wash their bills and eyes in the water. They shake their heads back and forth in the water (which is very non-graceful, water gets all over the place), and of course their bills have food all over ‘em so the water gets all silty really fast. Apparently even the smallest water pumping system -- to provide the geese with super-clean water 24/7 – costs over one hundred dollars. I was trying in my head to come up with some Rube Goldberg filtration system using one of those thirty dollar water timers and some big PVC tubes, but the ones I saw ran the water a minimum of two minutes at a stretch, which is just an incredible waste of water if all you want to do is flush the dirt out. The geese also enjoy being sprayed with the hose, if it’s misty.

2005may10. Weeoooooo, do the geese not like flashlights, or rather, the beam. I was checking on their food supply, and I swept the beam toward them accidentally. Major freak-out which means hi-pitched screeching and running around, knocking over things. Watch out for the beams, they’re dangerous. I made cheapo stands for the waterer and the feeders, so now we’re not using rickety tubs to elevate ‘em so the geese don’t step in ‘em. ‘Cause they like the steppin’.

2005may14. Special thanks to the very generous someone who dropped a chunk in the tip jar the other day. Now I know it’s really actually working!

2005may15. Mail.

How much needs to go into the tip jar for you to stop talking about the geese? Sure, I know, it’s your b1og and you can write whatever you want. On the other hand, I am also willing to donate money to allow your site to be good again, if that’s what it takes.

Whoosh, I dunno ... I’m pretty close to the geese ... I guess one hundred dollars would do it. But I’d still get to mention them once every other month or so. One hunnerd clams.

2005may23. Mail. Mostly about the No More Geese Offer.

Don’t worry about those haters. The b1og is your life, and so are the geese right now. It’s not like you’re NOT entertaining because there are geese. Status quo my friend. Keep up the good work.
- Chris T

Please do not stop writing about the geese. I’m rather enjoying the story. And I love the photos!

– Amy

Don’t listen to the non-geese-loving player haters! I think your geese rule!
– a reader from Australia

how old do you have to be to work there. and are you hiring

- B

I’m loving the continuing saga of the geese, but I’m broke and can’t make a counter-offer. I guess if the goose-hater offers a lot of dough I won’t hold it against you for going for it.
- T

Please, don’t listen to the goobs who what you to stop mentioning the geese. What the hell do they think you’ll talk about instead. It’s not like you have a talkin’ limit, and it gets used up by the geese or something else. Just yammer away about whatever you want – like you always have.
– M

I *likes* the geese.

Pay no mind to the naysayers. The geese stories are humorous, and fun ... and besides, it’s YOUR site.
Keep up the good work!
– K

Is this tip-jar vs the geese thing going to devolve into some kinda eBay-sniping/pissing-match? I hope not. Even though a random email shouldn’t carry much weight, I vote the geese stay. I’ve enjoyed the stories and the pictures are just *too* damn cute.
– J S

screw the other guy.. I like the geese talk.
– M

Well, I certainly do appreciate all of the support, but I don’t think you need to worry about Our Little Man In Hategeeseanna -- he never checked back in to object to the amount I mentioned. Unfortunately, he gets his wish without dropping a dime – there will be no more goose antics on these pages since I’m in the middle of a move back to the bay area of California where geese are not allowed. I’m in Phoenix now, enjoying the crazy antics of the insistent Mister Sun and his ever-faithful companion Heatstroke, and then I’ll split in early June for my water cure. Yeah, sure, no more geese, but ... think of all the possibilities the move entails ... a guy ... in the bay area ... web1oggin’! You don’t see that much, tell you what. No sir.

2005may24. Mail.

what’s up with misused -s for non 2nd person subjects?

“I *likes* the geese”

you hear it a lot. is that the future of english?

The answer is definitively “no.” This is a derivation of the generally accepted phrase

I likes me the ...

You should use this in futuristic conversations. Example:

I likes me the new 2016 Daewoo Antismog Bodysuitlife™.

2005may25. Maakies: writhing.

2005may27. Mail.

I work for a senior citizen retirement community. Our residents are like children when it comes to candy/sweets. Could you donate candy for 150 residents?

No. Senior citizens are the age group at most risk for dental carries and other health problems due to the sugar and other ingredients in candy treats. At this point, they should be drinking 6-8 glasses of water a day and eating plenty of fruits and vegetables to make their final days on this planet healthy and sane ones, not gobbling down Pixy Stix or whatever else they cry out for. The elderly are like children, and should be beaten regularly with switches trimmed from a cattail or other sturdy reed. Shadow puppets and TV are now again viable forms of entertainment due to the typical reduced mental capacities of the horribly, horribly old. A comical joke:

Speaker 1: Knock, knock.
Speaker 2: Who is there?
Speaker 1: The elderly.
Speaker 2: Please go away, I’ve called the police.

Why have the elderly visited the subject in this ribald gem? Surely they are up to no good.
[sticker enclosed: Nuestra Senora del Sagrado Corazon]

2005may27. I purchased a bike in March, and there’s something wrong with it. So I dig up the receipt, I can get it repaired for free for the first 90 days, but the receipt is 90% faded. After two months. Especially the “receipt ID” part. I can see the numbers if I tilt it just right in the sun. And that’s ... technology! Take compromising fo-tos of your important receipts as soon as they are in the privacy of your own home, I think?

2005may30. I, for one, welcome the Giant French Rocket Girl and her Elephant of Royal Luxury! Best thing you’re going to see via computer this year. Don’t forget to follow-up on the links in the comments, there are better videos there. This is absolutely incredible and I’m totally not tearing up because I’m a tough guy. As it says in the comments:

If you want to see this in person, it’s traveling to other European cities this year and next:

* Amiens (France) Thursday 16, Friday 17, Saturday 18, and Sunday 19 of June.
* London (UK) the 8, 9, 10 and 11 of September.
* In 2006: Bilbao (Spain), Antwerp (Belgium), Calais (France).

I think I’m going to have to scuttle my plans to see the Olympics in Slovakia in 2006.

2005may31. Billboard Liberation Front: To Serve Man. Ronald’s face is so good.

2005may31. Dumb thought: My subject lines, and the subject lines of my correspondents, are sometimes completely useless.

RE: Duh
RE: Re: RE

Half the time when I’m composing an email message, I have no idea what the main thrust of the “subject” is going to be. Shouldn’t the subject line be the send button? You indicate who you’re sending your message to, you type your message, then you type your subject in and hit enter which sends the message.

Or maybe your email program will eventually figure out what words one should extract from the body of the email message and make automatic subject lines. Nouns, mostly.

Subject: Cat tree fireman ladder slipped gurney hospital cat tree

2005may31. Also? No more “RE.” I don’t care, list everything by date, I can figure it out.

2005may31. Flickr: Products for your pet beetle.

2005may31. Seinfeld rolls over for Cinnabon.

2005may31. Improv Everywhere: Being U2 Before U2. With hair care products, fake screaming fans, and the police. [via kottke remaindered links]

2005may31. Flickr: Soler. Follow the link, the Dallas Police have helpfully photographed and organized Soler’s work for e-z viewing. Also: Slideshow!