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Cardhouse
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2004jul04. Ebay: Future Man 2000 prepares for lift-off and/or extreme ironing thanks to Argus 54/120 Power Harness. Now that’s convenience!

2004jul05. A Japanese woman disguises herself as a vending machine. [via idle type]

2004jul05. Two signs. Tokyo.

This is the best sign ever. Unlike 99% of all signs, it’s (A) not a warning about imminent death or dismemberment (B) incredibly human. We, as a people, will get together and rescue a little girl’s hat from the subway tracks. The hat symbolizes my future “career” options in the working world. The grabber device symbolizes acute pain.

Seriously, though, find a better sign. I triple dog dare you.

This really doesn’t look like an accident. This is one of those attention-starved babies that grows up to be some crotch-thrusting rock star. We have had enough of your attention-getting antics, rock star baby. Now you will lay there on the cold bathroom tile floor, writing lyrics for your next platinum album, but we’re not watching you at all. Oh, here comes a tiny limo to take you away from “all of this shit.” Rock star baby has potty mouth.

2004jul09. A comic worth your attention: Fleep. [via doc]

2004jul10. Proposed Photo Ban on New York Transit. A consideration of same.

2004jul11. Comic: Our Hero Battles Twenty-Six Alphabetized Terrors. He really kicks ass!

2004jul13. Mail.

si es posible do you speak spanish si la respuesta es si tengo la necesidad de comprar cigarrillos mapleton escribame if your answuer is no please i need buy cigarrettes mapleton please you send a email its have you?

No.

schulpweg 160

donnenplatz 209

hi, im from england. im doing a reveiw on your game show for geography – it thinks its really cool and sounds funny!

donnenplatz 209 again

I have a question regarding the candy cigarets. Just need to be told whether you are to eat the paper on the cigarets or you are to discard it. A friend said you can eat it and I disagreed with him, can you tell me yes you can or no you can not-is it actual paper? I have a daycare and wish to know this, the children love them.
Thank you for you time.
Norma

Not only can you eat the paper, you can also eat the cigaret box and the cell-o-phane wrapper and the store clerk’s hand.

Those Opal candies that look like laundry detergent.. the ones in the blue box actually have chloroform in them. Ideal for giving to small Icelandic children in preparation for dissection. Seriously, they are really dizzying.

2004jul14. Mail.

I imagine you already know this and were making a funny, but just in case not – your typing yakuza brothers are lupin and jigen from ‘lupin iii’ [1, 2], one of the longest-running japanese animation series, directed by our old pal miyazaki hayao. also, I wish you had found the game where you’re s'posed to jam your semi-virtual finger up a semi-virtual ass ...

I was not familiar with the series. I had heard about the ass game, but “forgot” to seek it out. I wanted to run across the game in which you used a metal spoon to bang on actual pots and pans, but did not.

2004jul14. [Cardhouse] From time to time, you will see various photos of arcade games in Japan, with a bit of explanatory text below. I have created such a feature, and I’ve called it Arcades In Japan. I hope that you will enjoy it?

2004jul15. SELL! SELL FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!!!

2004jul16. Moon landing ... totally fake. NASA thinks we are total idiots but we’ve got their number. [via doc]

2004jul16. EVERYONE GET ON BOARD THE FRUIT BOAT TOOOOOOOOOOOOT TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT

2004jul17. A man who draws perfect circles. My advanced-algebra/trig teacher in high school could do this on a larger scale via the chalk medium. Sometimes he used his elbow as the pivot point, sometimes they were smaller circles (~10-20 inches in diameter). The entire class found it fascinating enough that one day he drew ten of them on the chalkboard. Nice guy, used to leave the room during tests to let those who felt they needed assistance to seek it from others. In actuality, it was like someone dropped a cheaterbomb on the class while simultaneously flooding the interior with cheatgas.

2004jul17. Willing Slaves of the Warfare State. (C. S. Lewis) [via doc]

2004jul17. Book review: Willing Slaves: How the Overwork Culture is Ruining Our Lives.

Some of Bunting’s examples are horrifically comic. One Asda manager, for example, describes an occasion when all employees were asked to wear a pink item of clothing for a breast cancer awareness day. “Everyone joined in, it was a great cause. But there were two dissenters who forgot. I told them to go home. I told them, ‘You’re not in the team.’ They knew what was the right or wrong behaviour, and they went off, bought pink shirts and came back.”

2004jul18. Maakies: Toys.

2004jul19. Ad, Nytimes.com.

Did you know that playing online games like chess or backgammon could bring you new friends, love and maybe even a baby?
They have some weird contests over there in NYC, lemme tell ya.

2004jul19. Democracy ... in action!

2004jul20. NABONGA! Wonderful movie title stills. Where’s Napoleon Dynamite, I’m hungry.

Also I can send email but not receive email. So if you sent me email, I have not received email. Email, email. Email? No. There will be no email for you today. Whatever I did to deserve this fate, Baby Jesus, I am truly sorry.

2004jul21. Achewood. The taco died.

2004jul21. Ro-bots help you get books out of library [via fark]. Because man, there’s nothing worse than looking up a book on the computer and then walking to the shelf and getting the book, or actually reserving the book via the computer, or asking a librarian to help you. Why pay someone money to watch over books when you can pay a ro-bot corporation a lot more money, and a ro-bot maintenance corporation even more money? Ro-bots are here to help us lighten our heavy wallet loads. I’m actually in the middle of Double Fold which details the massive newspaper purge of libraries across the world to make way for horrid microfilm so I’m sort of sensitive to this technology circus horrorshow right now. It’s scarier than Vox.

2004jul22. Walking The Talk. [via doc]

2004jul22. LET’S HAVE A PRIVACY PIZZA PARTY!. This is a Macromedia “Flash” file that humorously depicts Our Grand No-Privacy Future. Or wait, that’s not even remotely funny.

2004jul22. Places The United States Has Bombed. Forgot Utah.

2004jul23. Complete Peanuts came together thanks to Nicholson Baker’s preservation efforts but the sequel is still missing a few strips.

2004jul23. Silke: Voilą – the Magic Castle.

2004jul24. I was mixing up one of my award-winning smoothie drinks in the kitchen when I noticed some movement inside a bush just outside. It was a bird. But this was a large bird. And then, I thought, “No. Not now. Not finally now.” And sure enough, a roadrunner came prancing out of the bush and stood next to a tree. It was only eight feet away from me as I blended away, a window open just a crack between animal and animal/loud-machine-that-makes-delicious-smoothies. And time sort of stopped. The roadrunner looked at me and started moving its head back and forth with its mouth open. I’ve seen grackles walk around with open mouths, perhaps it’s a cooling mechanism. The roadrunner swung its head back and forth several times, and perhaps the blender was on and it was interested in this noise, or perhaps it was off. I don’t know, I was that dazed and dazzled. Then it ambled away.

Roadrunners are apparently habit-driven birds, and it’s said you can practically set your watch by them. So tomorrow I will be in the kitchen, making a tasty smoothie, if you need me.

2004jul24. Mail.

i resale candy and would like a price list from your company

i swim upstream every year to perpetuate my species and would like a fish ladder from your company

2004jul25. Today the roadrunner caught a ground squirrel and then was treed by a rabbit. [FX: shakes fist] DAMN YOU RABBITS!

2004jul26. [poorly-worded Firefox rant put on back burner]

2004jul26. There is a delicious baked good hidden somewhere near you.

2004jul26. Musical mistakes. Between-song banter/arguments by bands ... explored! Featuring examples available for downloading in the “MP3” format.

2004jul27. Pix: Sushi for lunch.

2004jul27. This is why we need governments.

2004jul27. The stink from stinkbugs smells like pesticide.

2004jul28. A few days ago, right after the roadrunner incident, a gila woodpecker flew into the screened-porch area (the residents of Arizona call this the “Arizona Room”) and cached a small chunk of dog food in one of the hollows of a bunch of folded-up window screens (which is how he got in in the first place).

I think the law is firmly on my side when I say that if he doesn’t come back for it in 30 days ... it’s mine.

2004jul29. Mail.

You like that word Chillow®- glad I made it up~

We have Coca-cola in that word.

My references to Chillow appear near the bottom of this page. My understanding of the second sentence is nil.

2004jul30. Crossballs, the fake debate show. See also The Phil Hendrie Show.

2004jul30. Smoothie experiment somewhat of a failure today. Consumer-grade blender cannot blend carrots fine enough with orange juice/soy milk, resultant mix contains dirt-like bits o’ carrot. Strainer cannot remove all carrot bits, but does collect a fine sludge. Sriracha not helping things. Back to bananas. Banana smoothies never let me down, banana smoothies never made me go “BLEEEEARGH.” My award-winning banana smoothies. Featuring: No carrots nor Sriracha.

2004jul30. Controversy erupts at This is Broken! Could it be a poorly-designed sign? Or is the business owner trying to pull a fast one over the public? Whatever the case may be, it’s sure to get your dander up!