2004dec07. About five skrillion years ago, I was going to publish a big, big page in X Magazine just listing the names of hair styling locations that were based on puns. Like Prime Cuts, or Shear Ecstasy. Ha. Ha ha. Love the puns. Can’t get enough of them. Anyway, there was also going to be a sidebar: Doc was rummaging around in the phone book one day and in the middle of all the hair styling places there was an erroneous listing for “Skynet Communications.” So he called the place, hoping to get some supreme stylin'.
Sky-Not -or- Accents Will Happen
SKYNET: [Lady with Vietnamese accent] Skynet, can I help you?
D: Is this “Skynet?”
Yes.
D: I’d like to make a styling appointment.
What you need?
D: I would like an appointment.
Yes?
D: Can I make an appointment?
For what?
D: Stylin'.
For what?
D: Stylin'. You know, like a ... a haircut.
Oh no, this is not the ... this is, uh, Skynet
D: Communications --
Skynet. --a different place.
D: Excuse me?
We sell the beeper.
D: Right ... I need to get an appointment.
[The conversation lags]
D: You’re in the --
This is not a haircut, this a beeper place.
D: A WHAT?
A beeper ... pager.
D: Well I’m just lookin’ here in the yella pages.
Yeah, I-I-I don’t know, maybe they have a mistake them. Cos’ this is the, you know, we sell the pager.
D: And you’re called what?
Skynet.
D: “Skynet.” Right, right, right. So I need to get an appointment.
For a haircut?
D: Yeah.
No, we, we don’t, we don’t do haircut over here. We sell pager.
D: I don’t understand. You’re called “Skynet,” though. Right?
Skynet COMMUNICATIONS.
D: Right. Like, you know ... HAIRnet, or --
No we have no nail, er, hair, over here.
D: – AQUAnet --
No. We don’t have over here.
D: The hairspray. Aquanet.
[Barely audible breathing]
D: “Skynet” ... isn’t that the name of ... did you see the Terminator movies? With that fella Schwarzenegger?
No.
D: Well, that was the name of the evil ... computer ... corporation ... that took over the WORLD!
[Complete silence]
D: “Skynet.” Right? S-K-Y-N-E-T. Can I make an appointment?
No! We over here, we don’t do the hair!
D: Well, when did you stop?
Huh?
D: When did you stop doing hair?
We don’t, we never do a hair over here. We never do it.
D: Really.
Never.
D: How did you get in the yellow pages, then?
No! We don’t know!
D: Did you --
Maybe they have the same name!
D: – so you --
A different business!
D: Y'all went out of business?
Okay, b'bye!
D: What, now? You’re going out of business?
[click]
Sky-Not Part II: Lightning Strikes Twice
[Man with East Indian accent] Skynet Communications.
D: Yeah, is this “Skynet?”
Yes.
D: Yeah ... I was talkin’ to somebody there and I think we got cut off.
Yeah.
D: This is “Skynet?” S-K-Y-N-E-T?
That’s right.
D: Okay, I want to make an appointment.
Uh-huh. Yeah. We open till six. Thirty.
D: Can I make an appointment for tomorrow?
You come here tomorrow?
D: Sure! Can I make an appointment for like, say, one o'clock?
Yeah.
D: Okay, great. Now do you do shaves also?
Huh?
D: Do you do shaves?
Uh ... what? Oh, [multiple unintelligible syllables] thinking of ... no, we uh, we uh, communications, not, not, a hair, hair ... cuttery.
D: Well --
We don’t do anything, we have nothing to do about hair. We are a communications.
D: Well --
Okay?!
D: Well, I got it--
You got the wrong number.
D: Well, I got it right out of the yellow pages, here. It’s S-K ...
No.
D: ... Y-N-E-T
They gave you the wrong number. Okay?
D: But it wasn’t the operator, it was out of the yellow pages there.
Okay! No! Sorry! [click]