2003aug14. Mail.
child hood memories
Yes. Child hood memories.
Please send me a sample copy of your magazine to the following address:
Mohammad
Jalayer
P.O.Box 91375-1378
Mashhad
Iran
Mohammad:
Many of my loyal readers are sending you things that seem suspiciously not like my magazine.
Hello my name is Christine S, I have bought a bag full of your candy smokes, and half of the bag of candy smokes, had about 2 to 3 candys in its box. I was upset when I notice it. I am not sure if people took them out of the pack from the store, or they where packed that way. Thought I would let you know. We buy this product all the time, Its very good candy.
Christine:
About five thousand packs got out with the limited amount of product you describe above. The line worker responsible for this infraction, Fred Rojo, has been promoted to marketing, where he will be less of a concern to the financial well-being of our sensual corporation. You have our permission to steal an equivalent amount from your local grocer’s to make up the difference. Thank you for your concern.
Man “Manny” Laikspellor
What has happened to Jeff Stendec. He used to make me laugh daily with his witty writing style.
He was struck by lightning while SCUBA diving and died.
I am strongly pro-nut and find your website highly offensive.
--Stefanie
Did I do this one already? [runs around stage a few times, gets into character]
Oh.
WE ARE INTERESTED IN IMPORTING CANDIES TO MALTA/
KINDLY EMAIL FOB
PRICES.
REGARDS.
J. GRECH MALTA
jgtrading10@hotmail.com
Every month, Mr. Grech of Malta contacts me, wanting to import candies. This isn’t spam, he just honestly has the brain capacity of a bronzed walnut. I started in with the really big swear words about six months ago, but it doesn’t seem to phase him. Whatever you do, Don’t sign this guy up for like, all the spam in the world. Glad I didn’t list his email address or anything [Mandrake gestures hypnotically].
I was riding out of Chicago on I-80/90 through Gary, Indiana when I saw a sign that reminded me of a Cardhouse post from a little while ago. I was pretty sure it was you, so I checked. I was right. It was the post about the mean-looking Bridgeport Bluefish mascot. What I saw that reminded me of that was a billboard promoting the Gary Southshore (Indiana) RailCats. I don’t know what a RailCat is, but the mascot pictured is a cat holding a baseball bat made out of a steel i- beam with a look of uncontrolled rage upon its face. What is best about the logo is the vague placement of its hands (paws) on the beam-bat. Is it holding the bat in preparation to swing it? Or is it about to deliver the coup-de-grace stab of death upon an unseen enemy?
I think this whole psychotic mascot thing started with the re-branding of the Snap, Crackle, and Pop mascots for whatever cereal that is that they’re supposed to be ... what is it that they do again? Sit next to the cereal? All I can remember them doing is pouring the milk. Anyway, They re-drew them, Disneyfied them, and Pop came out looking like he was going to jump off the box and start munching your eyeballs. This opened a lot of doors in the re-branding community. “Why not make our mascots insane?” seems to be the hot question these days. Indeed, I’d like to see corporations openly taunting their customers, labelling products “Aunt Jemima’s Factory-Machined High-Fructose Corn Syrup -- You Like It Because You’re Too Lazy To Find Real Syrup, You Shits” and the like.
Hello,
Do you actually sell these on your site for adult
consumption. It seems the addiction to the candy cigs are as bad as the
real ones.
Thanks!
Nancy
Yep, it’s just as bad as lung cancer, being hooked on candy cigarettes.
please send me free sample copy catalog by post:
shahrooz wakili-plak no.10 -5th chaman zibaei alley-rostami alley- wahdat blvd.-saghez- kurdistan-iran
Coming right up, Shahrooz Wakili-Plak No. 10 – 5th Level Chaman. Or maybe something else.
Hello
Blackpool is a horrible, grotty holiday place up north. I’ve driven down the miles-long promendard but I certainly kept my car doors locked. There is a tower (a reproduction of the top-most section of the Eiffel Tower) and a roller coaster so absurdly large they had to get planning consent from the local airport.
It is run by gangsters and when these gangsters arn’t trying to kill each other they plan to make it into a kind of ‘Las Vegas'-on-sea. I guess the closest thing in America to Blackpool would be Coney Island, only without the sun.
You are right in saying that this type of open top tram still goes up and down on the tram-lines, but the difference between those in Blackpool and those restored models in SF is that the SF ones have unsmashed glass and (I assume) don’t stink of piss.
So, if you visit England avoid the place. There are plenty of Tram museums in nicer parts of the country.
Warm Regards
Emlyn K Helicopter
www.noisebastard.com