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2002may20. Fish, barrel.

dear sir
please sent me pictures , dimensions ,materials and another informations to help me to select a very big dinosaur statue for a park (in normal size of a dinosaur).please notice that we have only a week time to decideing .thanks a lot for your kindly consideration .
president of Atiebtekar Company
Kamran azizi

I understand that you are very busy, but we will need more information, whatever you can provide. We will deliver a specification and with several estimates via FedEx on receipt of the following information:

Deadline (Day/E.S.T.)


Indoors? Outdoors? Underground?
If indoors: standard operating temperatures, hours of operation, clearance height?
If outdoors: temperature delta, rain? snow? hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunamis (near ocean?)?
What type of weather?

Realistic? “Cartoony"?
Children admitted to park? Climbable? Gum chewing allowed in park/country? Children under parental supervision at all times, or roam free?
On golf course? Part of larger “theme"?
Admission free, or paid for?
Location of park (city, country?)
Size of park?
Main display, or several other animals?
Maintenance: washed daily, weekly, monthly?

These are all considerations that need to be addressed when creating a dinosaur. Any and all information will be helpful to narrow the specification down to your liking.

When you say “normal size,” do you mean _actual_ size? Do you know what type of dinosaur you would like? A nice T-Rex?

[You know, I was so looking forward to making cartoony dinosaur drawings and sending them out FedEx. I should probably stop answering these types of emails, I get all cranked up for nothing. Cockeyed also sent along a letter (below), I was hoping to use it later on in the investigation, but I never heard back from Mr. Dinosaur.]

Well, there is no fucking way to build a dinosaur overseas in one week for less than US$280,000.

Most customers want a full-size steel and fiberglas Brontosaurus

Height: 35 ft
Weight: 7 tons
Length: 25 m (82 ft)
Period: Late Jurassic

The foundation will be five poured concrete slabs, the skeleton will be welded steel I-beams. You should be aware that the skeleton will not look like a dinosaur skeleton. It will look like an office building skeleton. The head will be 8 feet long, mouth ajar but non-articulated.

The skin will be rough, realistic pigmented fiberglas, not paint. This durable skin will withstand 4 years of climbing and petting, 9 years of direct sunlight, before requiring a surface treatment.

We have 3 poses available for the Brontosaurus: neck extended (Model BR-X), neck bent to the ground (BR-G), and running (BR-R). None of the models are low enough for an unassisted child to climb upon.

We need seven expert craftsmen from the USA and 12 local laborers with english-speaking supervisors. You'll need two 40-foot cranes, 14 ladders, 5 TIG welders with wire and gas, 350 square meters of wire mesh, a cement mixer and an ice-cream truck.