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2002mar01. jwz on webcasting at DNA

2002mar04. Netochka Nezvanova.

2002mar05. Car & Driver review of Cadillac’s Obesemaster5000 [via metafilter]

2002mar06. Okay, this isn’t a joke, this is important. Tomorrow’s guest ... on Martha Stewart Living ... is ... is ... COOKIE MONSTER!!!!!! This is gonna be better'n Fear on SNL ...

2002mar07. I have two suits. I used to have three suits. I gave away one suit about three years ago. I just discovered, yesterday, that when I gave away that suit, I also gave away the pants to the other two suits. It’s probably going to count against me in job interviews, but at least we'll both be able to avoid that embarrassing boxer/brief question.

2002mar07. Mail.

Patent & Trade Mark Attorneys

Dear Sir(s),

We take liberty to introduce ourselves that we deal in intellectual property rights.

In the present era of globalization, you may wish to market your products in INDIA and would like to seek statutory registration in INDIA and to seek proper protection of your intellectual property rights through legal proceedings.

In case you feel so interested you may contact us for the purpose and we assure you our sincere services at reasonable professional charges.

Please do not delay and let us protect your Rights well in time.

Thanking you and assuring you our best co-operation at all times.




Please Contact at : [user1 email] or [user2 email]

Hello, and good welcome, Rector Company!

I have recently received your email via my lovely website. I am now responding to that email. I have CCed [user2 email] per your email instructions.

Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to tell you to cram your entire company up your ass. Now, the problem here is that this message is going out to _two_ of you, so you’re going to have to split the company in half. I suggest that the more senior of the two of you take on most of the physical aspects of your corporation (buildings, vehicles, etc), whereas the junior member would cram most of the logistical and non-material holdings up his (or her) ass (marketing, the idea that I’d be remotely interested securing the services of a patent lawyer in fucking INDIA, etc). I don’t have any damned products to market in INDIA and if I did have some products to market in INDIA I’m pretty sure I’d go to an INDIAN phone book and pick someone out of there. I mean, except for the RECTOR COMPANY which seems to be having a little problem (here I mime the universal symbol for drunkenness [the “tipping the invisibile bottle back while making a ‘gluck-gluck’ noise” gesture]) with unsolicited, horrifically useless email.


2002mar08. Domokun (“Mr. Ferocious"(?)) is a small brown open-mouthed monster hatched from an egg who lives with a wise old rabbit underground. He really, really likes TV and also enjoys rocking out to Guitar Wolf. NHK created a series of Domokun stop-animation vignettes that exude personal charm and warmth. You can read more about each of the characters here. Some of the vignettes are available on the web (try domo3.mov or domo11.mov if you’ve limited bandwidth/time):

Several Domokun MOV files.
Several Domokun AVI files.
There are more Domokun links here.

2002mar09. Mail.

i am a sex habitual can u help me to face this saituation.
i alwats think of sex
i wanna fuck u
r u ready
so plz mail me.
my mobile no is [out-of-country number]
plzzzzzzzzzz contact me immediately

This is a difficult saituation that all of us have faced, at one time or another. Who among us hasn’t alwats thought of sex? R any of us really “ready"? Your thoughts r alwats appreciated.

2002mar11. I forgot this Domokun page which has some excellent postcards and all the animations crammed into one file.

2002mar12. The Tip Jar is up to $3.38!!! I am going to go buy a fish sammich now.

2002mar12. I am gearing up for the 7th anniversary of the debut of this website on the web. It’s March 20th. There will be at least cake, maybe some ice cream. Watch for it.

2002mar14. NYT (mar 3): Singer of 1959 version of “Po Lazarus” on “O Brother, Where Art Thou” soundtrack found.

2002mar15. Salon: Bill Hicks.

2002mar15. McSweeney’s: Elizabeth Miller’s Dad in the U.P.

2002mar16. New Yorker: Tokyo street fashion. $400 for a Mickey Mouse t-shirt.

2002mar17. Mouse

2002mar17. Online Japanese games are like two games in one. First, you have to figure out what the scratch is going on, then you can try to “win.” Here’s a boatload of shockwave games.

2002mar19. Mail from Misterpants.

I think the contestants are actually dressed as hamsters. I see the katakana for “hamu” in the screengrab you have on your site, and also their coloring makes me think hamsters. but i could be wrong.

No, that’s right ... that’s why I was staring at one of the animated graphics, thinking “something’s not right” – it looked more like a hamster than a mouse. Also, “HAMU” appears at the top of the house. The “M” was a little flakey ((a) probably on purpose and/or (b) horrible reception), so I thought it was “HANU” and never got around to looking it up ... Not that I would have figured out “HAMU.”"Ham"? I think also the giant evil cat at the end (and in the beginning animation) sort of stitched it up for the mouse theory. The part of the animation in which the costumed people are playing with the woman’s underwear, that, that could have been mice or hamsters, conceptually.

Non-dancing hamster research:

Hamster wheel metaphor
Hamsters rocking out, sacking out, etc

2002mar19. Also those of you in Southern California can pick up Hamster Audio Color Tetris Or Whatever It’s Called on KSCI, Sundays at 6:30pm. BE THERE!

2002mar20. Mail.

On this page there are a number things which aren’t quite correct regarding South Dakota.

1. The “THINK” signs are used to denote a fatal traffic accident, and are placed as near the spot of the accident, while remaining in the right-of-way, and off the roadway. When these signs wear out they are not replaced in kind.

I surmised exactly that in the article. That doesn’t qualify as “not quite correct.”

2. In Vivian, SD, the object referred to as a “grain silo” is in fact called a grain elevator. A silo is something different. A silo is what a single farmer has in his yard, the elevator is akin to a mass storage clearing house for grain and seeds. An elevator is to a silo what a SAN is to a floppy disk.

Got it. SAN. Like SAN Francisco.

3. There are few natural sunflower fields in South Dakota. They are planted with intention. Out west, where the writer noted the vacant landscape, there are no ‘farms’ but instead, ranches. The soil out there is highly erodable and entirely unfit for growing much of anything, though people try. It’s corn, wheat, soybeans, and misc other crops in Eastern SD, and mostly cattle in Western SD.

Where do I say that the sunflower field is “natural"? I said it was “naturiffic” from the Greek “nature” meaning “plants and stuff” not “natural” which would have been bent thusly: “naturaliffic.”

4. Back in the day, the towns were constructed such that the railroad could stop and fill the engine up with water. The towns are spaced at at distance something like 14 miles because that is how far the engine could go before needing water.

For the third time, you’re not “correcting” me, you’re just “adding knowledge” to my meanderings. I suppose a number of South Dakotan experts could do this all day, but then it would turn into this boring hodge-podge of historical writing.

That’s about all. Interesting reading. As a South Dakotan, I detest Wall Drug. Those damn signs are everywhere, and the whole town is an amazing shithole tourist trap. It’s good that the writer was able to take joy in the oddball nature of it.

That’s a strange take on the article, which alludes to my Wall Drug-induced nausea. I’ve been there a few times now, it’s certainly not a good place to stop and eat. Also because the town is so small you run into the one police SUV over and over again. I’d just take the subway into town if I were going again, and I’d pack a lunch.

2002mar20. Oh yeah, it’s the seventh anniversary of this thing being online. Thanks to everyone who’s made it possible because without you I would be sad. I tried to fit the cake into the PC but something made a grinding noise and then there was some sweet-smelling smoke, so I hope you got it.

Image courtesy misterpants. It’s a misterpants kind of week.

2002mar21. Flo Control: letting cats in, keeping dead things out. [via green cheese]


2002mar22. Macros2000 #7 is sold out. It’s gone.

2002mar22. Today I found five centavos in the street where I was loitering, which is against the law. It’s a cute, tiny little coin, smaller than a dime. It is my new friend, and is worth .55197th of a cent. I am gaining serious financial ground this year.


1) the only two days I’ve hung towels outside to dry, ever

a) the only two days it’s rained in California in the last year


2002mar22. Mail.

I spent a few years in Bolivia, where they have a five centavo coin of the same size as the Mexican variety. Those little buggers are like mice: they are absolutely adorable until you wind up with a bunch in your pants. The problem with things is that its like carrying around a bunch of loose Tic-Tacs: everytime you take anything out of your pocket they come flying out, bouncing merrily down the sidewalk in their happy coinage way. And then you have to go hunt down the damned things. Yes, they are only worth one nanodollar, but they are still, technically, money, which means that by law you must get down on your hands and kness and fish them out from under the chorizo-vendor’s cart.

And for what? It’s not as if you can buy anything with them. If you try to pay with a bunch of them, the vendors will look at you as if you are attempting to purchase their bananas using freshly plucked navel lint.

You have awoke some Bad Memories.

Matthew B.
Defective Yeti

Chorizo? Me? No, no, churro cart (I googled “churro cart” and for some reason the churro carts at Disneyland are taking top honors ... “WE WANT TO PAY FOR A SAFE SANITIZED CHURRO CART FACSIMILE EXPERIENCE.”Disneyland FAQ Question #742: “Can I use the GM OnStar System™ to summon a churro cart alongside my car while in Disneyland? The answer is yes.”). I am sorry for the bad, bad memories. I have read that the five centavo coin is rare, probably for the reasons you’ve outlined. TO THE EBAYMOBILE!

2002mar26. Cintra. Oscars. [via robotwisdom]

2002mar27. Mail. Two business concerns. Hope I haven’t started an international incident.

We are located in Sultanate of Oman. We are interested to have an agency (Import) of cigarettes. We can import minimun 10 tues in a month. If you interested please let me know and contact me on [Oman email address]

Commercial Manager
Al Moram Co.Limited L.L.C
Tel + 978 299909

No.290 ,Naeemi St ,Mirzay-E-shirazi Ave.
after motahari crossroad Tehran , Iran
[Iran email address]

Dear Sirs, as an importer in iran weare happy to notify our intrest in french cigarettes and would like to know more about their prices and their analyses. looking forward to hearing from you.
with best regards,
Khosrow Bahrami,

Al! Khosrow! I got your messages on almost the same day! And I’m looking at Oman, and I’m looking at Iran, and are you thinking what I’m thinking? It looks to me like you guys are right next to each other! You’ve only got that piece of water between you, but you know, you’ve got to have ferries and stuff there. So here’s the deal – let’s pretend I’m like “buying” some stuff from Pousheh (you’re an EXPORTER) and I’m “selling” the same stuff to Al Moram (the IMPORTER), or vice versa, whatever floats your boat (no pun intended). But let’s cut out the middleman (me)! This way, you’re not shipping stuff to America, or back, you know, with customs and all, they’re real ramrods these days, huh? Anyway, you two figure it out, and kick back a little for me for the networking, like 10% on the first deal, that sound good to you? Good, good! Pleasure doing business, my friends, and may the road rise to meet you.

2002mar28. New Turdmonster.