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macros2000.com

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2000 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

2002jan01. Hess’s Pool Table Problem involving the Coriolis force. Ummm, obviously not real world.

2002jan01. Monkey Pool.

2002jan01. Analysis of San-X Characters, Including Lazy Panda Zombie and Butt Turnip. [via geegaw i think]

2002jan02.

Merci d'utiliser ce formulaire pour faire part de cas de spam et de messages non sollicités au Support Utilisateurs Yahoo! France.

[ ... ]

3. Complétez le corps du message. Sir,

Greeting of the day. I know quite well that this my business proposal must surely come to you as a surprise. Nevertheless, this world is a very small place and it does not take ages to know someone especially when God is on one’s side.

I am Jean Paul, I work with the Federal Ministry of Health, Cote D’ Ivoire. The federal government of Cote D’ Ivoire give us $ 250.000.000M. for the buying of Hospital Equipments, and I am appointed to see about the supply and the payment of the contractors that will supply the Hospital Equipment.

On this note, this is a business between me and you, now you are to contract an attorney here in Africa or else where and your attorney should not know that this a business between me and you for the security of this business. The attorney should only know that you are supplying the federal government Hospital Equipment, that is all. And I will be feeding you with the information’s that the attorney will be working with, but you have to let me know the name of the attorney.

Now this is the need for the attorney, once you are not here in Africa, by telling him that you had about supplying of Hospital Equipment to our federal government, and that you are in better position to supply the Hospital Equipment, as an attorney he will be there for us to use him and make money.

Now have in mind that I be giving you the information’s on what the attorney will be doing for us. After your contacting of the attorney, you now have to apply for the supply through your attorney, now my office have to tell your attorney the type of Equipment we need, and immediately after that you have to provide to us through your attorney the pricelist, which I will tell you the price that you are going to provide to my office. Then I am there to approved for your supply, then immediately, you will now ask for the payment for your immediately supply through your attorney and at the same time your attorney have to provide us your bank account where I am paying $ 50.000.000M into your account as your contract sum. And then come down to meet you for my own money.

This is how the money will be shared, you are having 40% of the $ 50.000.000M and 5% for the payment of the attorney and also any expenses incurred at the cost of this business, on the both side and 55% for me.

Please, this business needs urgent , because in the next two weeks this money have to be into your account, because we are paying the other contractors the same time. Also bear in mind that is business is 100% free risk, once I am there in the office to take care of everything.

Hoping for the best co-operation.

Yours,

Jean Paul.

[ ... ]

5. Commentaires supplémentaires :

Ce treillis Paul, il me brûle vraiment vers le haut, savez-vous? C'est un vieux scam qui a commencé au Nigéria, voient ici: http://home.rica.net/alphae/419coal / ... est euro tanking là-bas que rapide, ou ce qui?

John Lastnameski, Merci de vos commentaires !

2002jan02. Bush’s Racial Coup D’Etat and Intell Shutdown. [via stay free!]

2002jan02. Domokun and Friend Go Drinking. [via molly]

2002jan03. I am now accepting donations of e-gold. Let the golding ... commence!

2002jan04. Mail. From someone else.

Abidjan-COTE D’IVOIRE Tel: (225) 05092635

PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL

Dear Sir,

I know this letter will definitely come to you as a surprise. I came across your contact here from the chamber of commerce, where I ran into a friend who recommended you to be capable of assisting me. I am interested in transferring US$42,000,000.00 (forty two million dollars) to your account for investment purposes, if mostly you can support me and give me your account details. I am JOHN OKOBA the son of the late Sierra-Leone chairman of Gold / Diamond Mining Corporation who was assassinated in December 1998 in the height of the conflict between rebel and ...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

2002jan04. First I was parking the car in MyTown. But someone put sugar in my gas tank, and later someone stole some money out of the ashtray. It wasn’t like the good ole’ days back in EarthquakeTown and people were smashing the window and trying to break into the trunk. I live on the border of MyTown and TheOtherRichTown, so I figured I’d park there. One day, a resident said I had left my car there two weeks; it was actually two days. Then the police started cracking down on all the bright little people from MyTown who got the idea to park in TheOtherRichTown. I left the car on the street overnight and there was a big placard on it the next day that said if you leave your car parked in the same place for seventy-two hours, well then, it’s going to be towed. Seventy-two big ones, very generous. So everyone went back to parking in MyTown. Well, now, in MyTown, they've got those street-sweeping rules for the non-existent street sweeper. It’s a fun game where you pretend the street gets sweeped every week, because the signs clearly read “street sweeping” and why would they say that if it wasn’t true? But the sign was gone, and the pole was bent down to the ground, so who knew? Not me. Got a ticket, twenty bucks. Paid the ticket – it’s also an envelope, so everyone can see your name, address, license plate number, etc. MyTown is just sort of coming into its own, town-wise, so they outsource their ticket-processing. The ticket went to TheOtherAdjacentTown, where it was processed, and then for some ungodly reason it went to Orange, California which is far, far away. So far! So by then I had really paid the living hell out of the ticket, but you can see that the system is built for maximum delay so all of these outsourcers can send out more envelopes so they get more money – after it hit Orange, I’m sure it went to India where some 10-year-old kid matched two pieces of paper, manufacturered a staple, put it all together and then sent it back. Orange UberTicketProcessing sent out a notice saying that if I hadn’t paid by January 2 the ticket would then magically upgrade and cost $62. So they sent that notice to me, but then the mailman put it in the wrong slot, and the guy who got it was on vacation and/or used it as a drink coaster and then finally put it in my mailbox January 3rd. So I jumped around for about twenty minutes and then called the 800 number (theory: China; prisoners) where I was able to determine that the ticket had been paid. Then I got another ticket. The end.

2002jan05. Yvan eht nioj ... yvan eht nioj ...

2002jan06. Re-ordered corporate logos.

2002jan07. Estate Sale, Estate Sale! Oh, it’s an estate sale. I did some ebay speculation again. I hate when I do that. Yeah, I only spend three or four dollars (in this case, on an old backgammon set), and I only do it with stuff that I’ve seen that’s “hot,” but then I never put the damn thing up for auction. And it sits there. I mean, really ... backgammon. Who the hell wants to play that? Go, chess, naughts and crosses, sure. Anyway, we went into the garage and there was the time machine.

No, really. I was sure of it. It was a wooden cabinet, chest high, sort of minimalistic, with a few flourishes here and there. The top was angled, like a lectern. It had a boss clock, right in the center, because that’s what time machines have. Various knobs and such. Drawers.

Or electrolysis machines. Yeah, the drawers were sick with Electrolysis 1954 mini-magazines. But I could just chisel off the front panel that said “Electroylsis Machine” or whatever, and change that, and wham, I’ve got my own time machine. Maybe I could use it to go back to the dotcom heyday and scam a quick $175 out of a gullible VC to pay for it.

I couldn’t take the chance on being rejected, so I just slunk to the cashier with my backgammon set. Everytime I buy something from these estate sale people, something funny happens. This time, my change was ten dollars short. Ha ha. Always funny. I held tight onto that twenty until I saw some more Abes comin’ out of that till. Can’t be shortin’ me Abes in this economy. Which, according to economists, is picking up. You betcha. Gimme my damned time machine.

2002jan08. So I was watching the news today and this penguin is ordering pancakes from a dog. And this little penguin keeps on asking for more food. More syrup, more pancakes, and the dog obliges him. Then after the penguin eats all the pancakes, he runs away without paying. Man, I hope they catch that fucking penguin.

2002jan08. A special message to Joseph Crosby: The internet is like quicksand. The more you struggle, the worse it’s going to get, Joseph Crosby of the DoubleTree Club Hotel Houston. Joseph Crosby, Joseph Crosby. [Message repeats]

2002jan10. Foreigner’s Guide to America by That Guy From Rotodesign

2002jan10. Wow. They've finally done it. We can now send people into the fourth dimension. This is truly a scientific breakthrough, though there doesn’t seem to be much in the way of technical information offered. It is also extreme.

2002jan11. Catbot sings the “Sillyduck” song [via excitementmachine]

2002jan19. Ten years after blowing the temporal doors off of standard billiards, I can finally bring you the true story of Speedpool2.

2002jan20. Font ... hurts brain ...

2002jan22. I have remained, for the last week, at least one click away from a free Mercedes. I have always had an abundance of self-control in these types of matters.

2002jan24. Cockeyed Laboratories needs YOUR assistance with a new prank.

2002jan26. A fantastic NY Times blow-out thing on time capsules. [via boingboing]

2002jan29. German weblog pushed through a translator.

Is Pool Billiard too boring? He whom Carambole is not too demanding, Snooker too heavily, 8-ball too slow and 9-ball aggressive enough, that should try once SPEEDPOOL2. 2 players play would bark simultaneously on respectively 7 and also otherwise gibts only very little rules. The entire becomes probably more the contact sport and leads tried guaranteed so one to the Rausschmiß it not on the domestic table. I schieb rather further a quiet ball in a cultivated party 8-Ball. (Martin, it becomes wiedermal time! The Balabushka be already oiled!)

2002jan29. MNFTIU.

2002jan30. GM funds GM-monitoring activists.