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2002feb26. One of the floats for the Chinese New Year parade in San Francisco featured a sort of barnyard “pen” with people dressed up as what appeared to be the twelve animals of the Chinese zodiac. In the middle of all this frolicking was a taller man with shocking red hair dressed as a scary clown with an ugly yellow jumpsuit. There were a lot of fireworks, so I couldn’t really hear a lot of what was going on, but I swear I heard a loudspeaker coming from the float that blared “Come on down to McDonald’s and taste these delicious animals for yourself! Smile, consumers!” Then we got trapped in the crowd and I had to punch my way out. “Happy New Year!” Sock. “Very happiest of new years!” Uppercut. “A year of prosperity unto your house!” Jab. But seriously, the best way to see a parade is to start at the end of the parade route and then when the parade gets to you to start walking very fast to the beginning of the parade route so you see everything in one-tenth the time. “Band, band, military band, dancers, band, military band, second wave of massive Ford banners, cute kids running around in horse costumes, band, fireworks, dragon, military band, third Ford wave, military band, stupid TV station on-screen talking heads on crappy fake cable car, military band, dancing kids, fireworks, dragon with cool eyes, military band ... “