2002dec04. Mail for Dr. Berk, our Staff Chemist.
Dr.Berk i’ve allways wanted to know what would happen to us, the world and what it would be like when human life has died out, and also the world is destroyed.
- Thomas
Dr. Berk has forwarded your question to me, the “caretaker” of Cardhouse Hothouse Plastics Ltd for an answer.
Let us start with the end. Who knows how it happens, perhaps it’s the heat death of the sun, or do astronomists say we'll move too close to the sun first and fry up crispy-style? I can’t remember. Anyway, we’re all dead, especially those of us who have obnoxious cellphone ringtones and talk to our cellphone friends about how cool it is that we’re writing a check out to the supermarket clerk at the same time – by a strange quirk of physics, those people will die first; horrible, horrible deaths that the rest of us will get to watch on giant DiamondVision screens in the larger gathering places of our respective countries (baseball stadiums, bullfighting rings, etc). But let’s skip over the messy part. The earth is quiet now. Finally. Perhaps there’s an automated factory or two still churning out PCBs for fast-food shakes, but the whole human race is gone. Then, as you mention, the world is destroyed. So instead of the Earth, let us suppose there is a hole. Well, the moon is going to be pretty pissed and just spin off somewhere into space. Let’s play a fun game and assume, though the chances are really quite small, that the moon actually hits another planet or moon or one of our porn channel satellites. Well, then there’s an explosion. Sort of like when Shoemaker-Levy hit Jupiter. Then things are quiet again. The next time a UFO comes to probe a few more of our butts, they’re all like “WTF? Did I miss the turn?” Then they see all of our space debris and 500-channel satellites going “beep beep beep?” and realize there will be no more probing, ever. The end.