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Cardhouse
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2001jul03. Tom the Dancing Bug: Smart Meat.

2001jul03. Clown Code of Ethics. From “Clowns of America International Global Worldwide USA".

2001jul03. Sports Candles.

2001jul03. The history of the cannon, courtesy CANNON-MANIA DOT COM

2001jul03. An interview with Antonio Pineda. Noted mainly for the interesting Q-n-A format.

2001jul03. [ Tatsumi Orimoto as Breadman article] [ Breadman and Art Mama photo] [ Orimoto three-photo page] [ Shift article, multiple Breadmans]

2001jul03. High-speed photography. Do not forget to click on each photo for the description delivererd via annoying pop-up.

2001jul03. Songs of Couch and Consultation by Katie Lee, who just recently was able to reacquire one of the original albums. Now I have to finds me one of them hot little numbers ...

2001jul03. Scouting Songs. Includes ”National Embalming School” and “Billboards”

“Smoke Coca-Cola Cigarettes – chew Wrigley’s Spearmint beer --
Kennel Ration Dog Food keeps your wife’s complexion clear;
Simonize your baby with a Hershey’s candy bar --
And Texaco’s the beauty cream that’s used by all the stars!”

In addition to all of this mirth, you’ll notice that the brave and trustworthy scouts are often singing songs to an older melody – one that they’re probably not familiar with. What a loo-loo.

2001jul03. The Senate Candy Desk.

2001jul03. Sports Candles.

2001jul03. The history of the cannon, courtesy CANNON-MANIA DOT COM

2001jul03. An interview with Antonio Pineda. Noted mainly for the interesting Q-n-A format.

2001jul03. [ Tatsumi Orimoto as Breadman article] [ Breadman and Art Mama photo] [ Orimoto three-photo page] [ Shift article, multiple Breadmans]

2001jul03. High-speed photography. Do not forget to click on each photo for the description delivererd via annoying pop-up.

2001jul03. Songs of Couch and Consultation by Katie Lee, who just recently was able to reacquire one of the original albums. Now I have to finds me one of them hot little numbers ...

2001jul03. Scouting Songs. Includes ”National Embalming School” and “Billboards”

“Smoke Coca-Cola Cigarettes – chew Wrigley’s Spearmint beer --
Kennel Ration Dog Food keeps your wife’s complexion clear;
Simonize your baby with a Hershey’s candy bar --
And Texaco’s the beauty cream that’s used by all the stars!”

In addition to all of this mirth, you’ll notice that the brave and trustworthy scouts are often singing songs to an older melody – one that they’re probably not familiar with. What a loo-loo.

2001jul05. Mail.

Hello, I am contacting you about trading links. I currently run Branson Shows, http://www.bransonshows.com It is a site about the Branson Missouri area. What I would like to do is have you add a link to Branson Shows, and in turn I will add a text link to your site on every page on Branson Shows under the ‘Our Friends’ section. Please take a look and see if it would work for you, to add your link now simply click on ‘add your link’ link. I think it would be a great feature for my visitors to be able to visit your site, I think you have some very good content that they would enjoy. My site visitors are mainly the upper class and they love to travel, to just about anywhere. Please let me what you would like to do, Matt Cook Branson Shows

2001jul06. There has been a lot of “talk” lately about the resurgence of the pre-IPO-dot-com-slurry internet these days. I haven’t seen much of it myself. Until today. This document is clearly one of the most important scientific investigations taking place right now. It is a rather long download, but I think you will be “pleasantly surprised” at how relevant this information is to you and your life. Lastly, I have been concerned about a subset of the standard “Cardhouse style” weblog entries that seems to ramble on quite a bit about the link in question yet deliver no useful information about said link. In a bold and decisive attempt to keep this from occuring in the link that is now being presented, I am adding a note to the end of it indicating that this document tells you how to build a Gas Giant Bong. [Note: This document instructs the reader as to how to construct a “Gas Giant Bong,” that is to say, a bong created from a gas giant (like, say, Jupiter, a planet of the current “solar system” of which we (we of “Earth”) are a part)].

2001jul06. It’s The Great American Deck O’ Junk! It’s back!

2001jul08. [Cardhouse] Tragically I have learned that thefinger.com is nolonger.com. Here is an article of mine which originally appeared there, entitled “Toys ‘n’ Services Mix Up.”I hope you will enjoy it in a somber fashion befitting this grave situation.

2001jul10. Hooray, more “under the radar” advertising, this time by the Sci-Fi channel. We’re not paying attention, no matter how much you thrash about.

2001jul10. [Cardhouse] While visiting Bigrig Industries, do not forget to stop by Zombie Village.

2001jul10. Cardhouse apparently draws upon colonialist and authoritarian models of “discovery,” categorization, and exhibition to entertain Americans in a calculated attempt to control the strange and new. So does BoingBoing. I am sorry.

2001jul10. Plochman’s mustard.

2001jul12. So Google’s got this image search thing going on, so I figured I would use it for what logically comes to mind when one thinks of image searching. Um.

2001jul12. Mail. Translation by Botany 500.

Sehr geehrte Damen und Herren, Ihre zuckerfreien Ga Jol-Salzlakritzen sind die einzigen zuckerfreien Lakritzen, die auch wirklich gut schmecken und mir beim Abgewöhnen des Rauchens sehr geholfen haben. So an die 20 bis 30 Pakete pro Monat sind keine Seltenheit. Leider bekomme ich diese Lakritzen in Hamburg nur sehr schwer und in dem einzigen Geschäft, wo ich diese Lakritzen bis jetzt gekauft habe, werde diese nicht mehr bestellt

Ladies and Gentlemen, its sugar-free Ga Jol Salzlakritzen are the only sugar-free licorices, taste also really good and me with the Abgewöhnen smoking very much helped. Like that to the 20 to 30 packages per month is no rarity. Unfortunately I get these licorices in Hamburg only very heavily and in the only business where I bought these licorices up to now, one do not these no more order

2001jul13. Seanbaby. Fireworks.

2001jul13. I’m still trying to figure out why ad banners didn’t work out. Maybe one day I’ll get it.

2001jul13. Nick Yee’s report on Everquest. Loaded with statistics, you’ll have to dig for the gems. Of special interest is the gender-bending chapter and the virtual Skinner box chapter.

2001jul14. There is a new television commercial for a piss-green-colored caffeinated sugar water product. It wholly consists of elements, styles, costumes, movements, and themes from the movie Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. It also includes on-screen captioning. At the end of the commercial, where the captions have been shown, the following disclaimer appears in even smaller type (sic): “THIS ORIGINAL PRODUCTION HAS NO RELATIONSHIP TO ANY MOTION PICTURE.”Is this supposed to (A) be “ironic,” and if so, why would anyone involved with Crouching ... go for it or (B) cover poor-corporate-decision ass? I only bring up (B) because there have already been numerous cases (going back the last 100 years) of corporations performing outright theft of current ”hot” culture in a brazen attempt to bolster consumption. Also I figure it’s (B) because the whole “selling with a wink-and-a-nudge-to-Gen-X” thing is getting really old. So the question I’m asking here is are the people who created this commercial idiots, or are they idiots?

2001jul14. I told a friend about a wonderful library sale in which I missed purchasing a vastly-underpriced 12-volume OED set by mere minutes, the implication being that this sort of thing would never again happen. Literally minutes later, she espied a smallish pamphlet advertising a library book sale that featured an OED set. It was priced at $275; too rich for my blood. But I did purchase a great wad of books, including Paul Theroux’s Fresh Air Fiend. One chapter deals with a luxury train ride across the US via Uncommon Journeys. An edited version of this chapter appears in their review pages.

2001jul18. Mail (letter).

Dear Cardhouse Robot,

Thank you for your entry in the 1st North American [Name Of Product] Flugtag. We were overwhelmed by the response. Over 200 entries that ranged from crayon drawings to detailed CAD layouts. A group of 7 people wrangled over the entries for 10 hours to whittle it down to a precious 30.

Unfortunately, your entry was not included in that magic thirty. We are very sorry. But we’d still like you to come. And as an added perk, we’re going to publicly behead the 7 judges who dinged your work. So again, we’re sorry that you weren’t allowed to play our reindeer game this year. We can only hope a public spectacle of vengeful justice will somehow appease you.

Flugtag Ground Control

Also, I am going to to a dot-com auction tomorrow. I would like to purchase a flat-panel LCD screen for seventeen dollars. Pray for me.

2001jul19. The Syd Mead Project

2001jul19. Lileks: The Gallery of Regrettable Food book news (release date September 11).

2001jul24. Interview with David Cross (formerly of Mr. Show).

2001jul24. Interview with David Cross & Bob Odenkirk on their new film Run, Ronnie, Run.

2001jul24. Mail.

my name is ali akber khoso post office murad abad talka dadu district dadu sindh pakistan i want to job in your company my date of birth is 1_12_1968 my qualification is Bsc and B.Ed

2001jul24. Velvety.

2001jul25. Recreating Tijuana in your own home.

First, you’re going to need the essential building blocks of Tijuana. They are as follows:

One (1) pharmacy
Three (3) frat boys
One (1) stout guy jamming a hand filled with gold chains in your face
One (1) three-year-old pushing a cup into your leg
One (1) vendor’s table
One (1) souvenir gift shop
One (1) sad photo-op zebra
One (1) churro cart with wicked racing steering wheel dough extruder

Now, you’re going to need at least five hundred full-length mirrors.

Luckily we found a regular mini-mall crammed in the middle of the never-ending tourist section. The highlight of the trip was a simple metal corkscrew slide used to transport bread from the bakery (second floor) down to the first floor of the supermarket. If you’re a bread, this is clearly the high point of your short bready life. Then, at lunch, the orchata came with hielo but it was made by a machine but where does the machine get the agua? So I passed but everything was fine.

2001jul25. Went to San Diego Comic Con. I saw a unicorn carrying an electric guitar. Seventeen people dressed as Star Wars characters. Lou Ferrigno who for some reason was sharing a booth with a guy selling uncut Wacky Pack sheets. The guys from American Movie. Matt Groening. The “Mr. Show” guys. Yep. I didn’t get a chance to attend the “How Can We Improve the San Diego Comic Con” panel, but if I had, my list of grievances would go a little like this:

1) Less Gene Simmons.

2) The panels are not long enough (1 hour) – it takes 15 minutes for everyone to settle in, too many people on panels, etc.

3) I could pay two dollars for eight hot-dog buns at the supermarket, or I could pay three dollars for a “pretzel” from the California Pretzel Company created from these same hot-dog buns at the San Diego Comic Con. It brings to mind the phenomenon known as “krab.”This is the future of food in general. One hundred years from now, nobody will remember what food was supposed to look or taste like.

2001jul25. Design For Chunks. Check ‘em all. Dude Studios: a personal favorite.

2001jul27. “We will fight the crazy ants on the beaches ... “

2001jul27. The War On The War On Drugs: Photographs of people taking drugs for the first time.

2001jul27. More Vice: Get Pissed Destroy. One man’s mission to take out the useless fire alarm boxes in the Manhattan/Brooklyn area.

2001jul29. Floating pen descriptions. I’m reading them as zen koans.

Ship floats past seal & iceberg
Santa & reindeer float past house
Flatbed truck hauls huge orange
Presidents’s arm sticks out of window & waves to crowd
Gold & silver coins fall from roulette to slots
Player slides into homeplate; fans
Statue of peeing boy floats across plaza

Yes, master. [hits head with wooden plank]

2001jul30. [Cardhouse] Cardhouse 1999-style. I don’t know why this is there.

2001jul30. Cockeyed: How Much Is In That Thar Magic Shell Bottle Thing