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2001feb01. Someone needs to get off their ass and create a service that I like to call The Dump. You give them all the crap you want to sell on ebay, half, etc, and they’ll try to get the best price for it in exchange for a, say, 10% cut of the action. PEOPLE WANT TO GET RID OF THEIR SHIT. Who’s getting off their ass? This is gold, baby. The Dump.

2001feb01. Zo. I am in a boat that other people are in. The boat is this. I have a large number of new wave LPs and EPs (made with delicious vinyl) to sell. And of course, it would take forever on ebay. And of course, the shoppes, they give you very little coin. So what to do? You tell me.

2001feb02. Damn do I want a donut right now. Please send me a donut.

Cardhouse Donut Fufillment Request
Box Number
Current Address CA 90210

Thanks.

2001feb02. I recently made the administrative decision to leave my computer speakers on even if I’m not actively using them, because of California’s continuing power crisis. However, this means that when I run into a website that uses background MIDI, the MIDI will suddenly blast away on my speakers, startling me. I already hate MIDI as much as one can hate a file format, I don’t need any help. I have attempted to remove all of MIDI helpers my little asinine Netscape program has pointed to, but the MIDI continues. The worst part is trying to find a solution to this nightmare – I end up on pages that have reams of information on how to play MIDI, but none on how to remove it. Of course each of these pages is overly-eager to demonstrate exactly how to embed MIDI into their pages. The web needs a new filter which I call ”Reaching Through The Screen And Strangling The Person Responsible For Making You Listen To ‘Lean On Me’ In MIDI Format Format.”

2001feb02. Punxsutawney Phil the groundhog sees shadow – six more weeks of winter. Hello ... ass???

2001feb02. CONTROVERSY!!!11!1 Grudgematch 2001: Punxsutawney Phil vs. Wiarton Willie

2001feb03. I visit estate sales on occasion. Usually, once a year, I end up visiting A Total Wipeout.

1) An entire family buys the farm

2) The estate sales company, for some reason, decides to place only a few pricetags on the bigger pieces; the rest of the house is left in situ.

It is a strange surreal feeling, as if you’re the ghost who has dropped in on someone else’s life. The item that jumped out at me was a boy’s sketchbook, filled with monsters.

2001feb03. A few nights ago I had a dream about a perfect piano. It would be squat, but with full-size keys. Like an upright piano with the top chopped off. Today I went to an estate sale, and there it was – a Wurlitzer from the ’50’s or so. Already sold. A few other people in the room had the look of horror in their faces when one of the sellers announced that she had already sold the piano to someone else for one hundred dollars.

2001feb05. Mail.

hi, the link to the haw flakes page is not working. Could you let me know what haw is exactly. I love to eat the candy and what to know what it is i am eating. also i heard a rumor that the FDA has banned haw flakes, do you know anything about that?
thanks for your time,
bri

Haw flakes are made from the Hawthorne fruit. I responded to the FDA concerns awhile ago in email to someone else. Here I reprint the mail exchange and append notes to it:

are you sure that the dye contained in haw flakes is the safe one? check out this page (link no longer works) on the FDA site which seems to indicate otherwise. – andy

That page chronicles the US detention of haw flakes (and slices) from a company named “Zibo Minyue Food Co., Ltd.”The two companies that I have purchased haw flakes from (and are discussed on other pages) are named “Shan Zha Bing,” and “Sunflower.”Now, perhaps Zibo Minyue owns or is somehow responsible for the product for each or both of these companies. I don’t know. More contact and background information about Zibo Minyue is available at this page (which is no longer up, of course), which will cause anyone familiar with the Tufte school of visualization to twitch uncontrollably.

But considering the content of the page, as difficult as that is to do, it appears that Zibo Minyue is a new company, whereas the haw flakes from Shan Zha Bing and Sunflower certainly look, from the packaging alone (this is Sunflower; if I remember correctly, Shan Zha Bing looks mysteriously the same minus said flower on the top of the package) as if they’ve been around forever. And hey, the package lists only two ingredients: haw, and sugar. As I mentioned in the article, the color is completely unappetizing – it looks like some new company figured on eliminating this roadblock to increased sales but their zeal has defeated them! DEFEATED THEM I TELL YOU!

It may be the case that the FDA has actually banned haw flakes “for good,” but the Chinese grocery stores wouldn’t sell them if that was true. The FDA has definitely detained haw flakes, from different manufacturers, for an “unsafe color” – one instance is detailed above; I have seen two others. I have not seen the two most common haw flakes brands detained. I am also aware that MANY different products are detained by the FDA for various reasons (food-borne illness is really hot lately), it just seems that everyone is more aware of foreign products being detained. The Sunflower brand uses FD&C Red #40, which is legal (more info: here). There are various other people on the internet who are blindly passing along the FDA rumor. Personally, after reading about FD&C Red #40, I am no longer going to be eating haw flakes – I have been attempting to eliminate synthetic flavorings from my meals, and propylene glycol doesn’t sound too appetizing (again, this is a common food coloring in the US and is, in the government’s view, “safe”; this is not the color people are speaking of when they mention that haw flakes are “banned” by the FDA). In the end, you will have to make your own decision regarding the consumption of haw flakes.

2001feb05. It is of course, Canadian month. It all comes together – pranks, Canada, the bay area. I weep. [via metafilter]

2001feb06. I believe there is an additional integer somewhere between five and nine. It’s not six, nor seven. eight? No. I’m working on it.

2001feb08. Window-shopping today at one of the remaining online retailers. This message popped up.

People who bought The Great Race Records Vol. 3 Okeh also bought:

Boston: Boston
Creedence Clearwater Revival: Chronicle: The 20 Greatest Hits
Dave Matthews Band: Crash
Macy Gray: On How Life Is
Kid Rock: The History of Rock

2001feb09. SF: LEISURETOWN NEWS ... Leisuretown’s creator person will be at the A.P.E. Expo next weekend. Talking about Leisuretown. Just read it.

2001feb09. Arrrrr, mateys! Here be the treasure of OAK ISLAND!!! [WHOOSH!] No! There it is! [WHOOSH!] There it goes! [WHOOSH!] There! Well, that ain’t it.

2001feb10. If you’re like me, you’re probably wondering what sort of power source the Amish use in their daily lives.

2001feb10. Always nice to see weblogs.com protecting weblogger’s privacy.

2001feb10. The Antique Road Show is an antique appraisal program created by the BBC and later spun off into a second, American series. This is what I call The Antique Road Show Poem. By me.

Did you look at the bottom?
No. No. No no no.
Three thousand. Four thousand.
Perhaps the rain will improve my painting.
It’s been in your family for nine thousand years?
I’m excited to see the striping, you don’t see that much.
This is the most amazing piece we’ve ever seen. Today.
MAJOLICA! MAJOLICA!
This hat was made out of an armadillo.
I love maps.
Do you have any idea of how much it’s worth?
No. No. No sir, no.
Could you perhaps smear your greasy appraiser fingers across my parchment?
It’s been in my family many, many years. How much is it worth?
These cigarette butts were smoked by General Lee.
Geddy Lee?
... yes.
If you were to give this clock a bath
perhaps you could be its “bath buddy"?
Just wonderful.
The poems that he wrote usually weren’t credited, so to see this is a rare thing indeed. And that’s good.

2001feb12. Gonna get me one of them hats.

2001feb12. WAV files of speech synthesis through the years.

2001feb13. Deuce of Clubs: A tombstone for the Mojave Phone Booth

2001feb14. The American Pie Council is dedicated to preserving America’s love affair with pies. National Pie Day. A celebration of pies. WANT PIE

2001feb14. “Chip Buttie.” Chip Buttie, one Pound ... Chip Buttie. The Chip Buttie is ridiculous. Chip Buttie & Chip Buttie Splash (also note Spam Fritter, Battered Mars Bar). Chip Butties – What The Hell Is A Chip Buttie Already You Stupid Shit Website Administrator.

2001feb15. Pin-It-Yourself: Building a Customized Pinball Machine

2001feb16. I’ve eaten too many chip-type snacks and am now rather ill. Your cards and letters are appreciated during this troubling time. This has nothing to do with the earlier “chip buttie” entry. Chip Buttie.

2001feb21. News: SUVs are not big enough. We need to make them bigger. Here is a bigger SUV. I went on vacation this past weekend and of course there was the requisite SUV rollover and smashing into the telephone pole. It happens every time I go on vacation. Perhaps these larger SUVs will provide more comical rolling and crashing antics for America.

2001feb21. Inexplicable Object of the Week especially inexplicable today [via peacedividend]

2001feb21. A review of Martha Stewart Living.

2001feb21. Ebay. Special thanks to Lo for hurting my brain.

POOH SUSHI CHEF

POOH IKURA SUSHI

[dramatic pause]

JAPAN DISNEY SHRIMP SUSHI POOH DANGLE

That’s the hot new catch phrase I’ve been telling you about. It’s kicking that “ALL YOUR BASES ARE BACK BELONGS US NOW” thing all over the place.

2001feb21. I have created a wish list. Hooray for me.

2001feb22. Lux Timer. Who writes the copy on this? “Great for hundreds of uses.”What, so if I use it one thousand times it will crap out on me? Because you better not be telling me that “hundreds of uses” means I can time boiling eggs and drag-strip races and etc. Also, the copywriter left out the most important part: THE ROCKET. It’s right there. It’s the handle. See it? Sometimes I’ve got my head in the noose and I look down at the counter and I see that little rocket and I know everything’s going to be all right.

2001feb22. So we’re in L.A., right? And of course we go to the MJT, and the Bottle Village. We also went to a restaurant supply store, and bought a bunch of Chinese food containers for god knows what, trinket holders to send to friends. But they also had drinking cups with the Koca-Kola (in actuality a well-known brand of brown sugar water) logo on ‘em. So what’s the point? Nobody gets any money from Koke for this, they’re just for sale. “Here, advertise for us. We’ll give you ... zero dollars, how’s that sound?”

2001feb22. PINEAPPLE POOH. INSECT POOH. PINE SNAKE POOH. DEVIL POOH. But why is one of the Poohs “POOH AS DOG” instead of ... oh. [going for second payoff] These all sound like martial-arts moves to me. BLINDING PINE SNAKE POOH JAB OF FURY. [via lo, pooh master]

2001feb23. When I was much younger, I lived on a farm for a short period of time. There were many farm animals that wandered about the property, but the one I liked the most was the chicken that had eyes that repeatedly bulged out revealing dollar signs. I miss that farm. (2006: I can’t believe this ad is still there)

2001feb25. News: Singapore much cleaner than America. Come on America! We can do it! Singapore is now the country to beat! Oh. [via metafilter]

2001feb25. How Much Is Inside A Bag Of Globitos®?

2001feb25. Cockeyed/Ebay: CA capitol suicide truck condensed milk can

2001feb28. Ebay: cat punks and 666 cat punk