2000may02. This is a long shot, but here goes: if you are using a cable modem on gtei.net and are running a web spider that is supposed to be trolling Cardhouse for who only knows what, be advised that:
1) Your algorithm sucks hard – youve consistently generated about 30 404s every time you visit, and some of these URLs are obviously half-formed from other sites
2) You can stop now
2000may03. Does anyone know if John Strohm (of Blake Babies/Antenna fame) is related to John Strohm (the guy who edited the Ford Almanac for Ranch and Home in the 50s and 60s)? Im curious. You can contact me through this page. [soosan]
2000may04. Just another photon push-pull radiation detector for use in chromaticaly selective cat flap control and 1,000 megaton, earth-orbital, peace-keeping bomb patent. See also Patently Absurd! [via jez]
Do you still play truck soccer games?
Are they open to the public? If so I would like to know about upcoming
games (location dates etc.) I will be taking a post grauduation cross country
extravaganza in mid August and would like to participate.
I dont think theyre playing them anymore. Its very sad.
Hey, tough guy, the Axis logo on your funny little design page, did you squeeze that out for the Axis resturant in Seattle? (Belltown, 2200 block of 1st) It looks familier, but I havent been by there for a little while. If so, um, great. Really super great. If not, well, you should have. I really like your website.
It probably looks familiar because invariably when someone makes a logo for the word Axis it looks every other logo for the word Axis. Mine is no different, client-specified, for Axis Comics. Half of the invoice was paid. I dont expect to see the other half since that was, oh, eight years ago.
2000may08. Lets play a game. Think back to when you were a child (if you are a child now, youre not supposed to be reading this and you are naughty! go porn-surf). Do you remember, and have a fondness for, certain books that you read or your parents read to you? You got that feeling deep inside you, warm and cuddly? Okay, hold that, now imagine youre growing up now (hey, porn-surfing kids! come back!). Lets take a look at what the child of today (I call him or her The Child Of Now or Todays Child or Fred) will be feeling all warm and fuzzy about in our corporate-sponsored future.
Exhibit A" ( Objeto expuesto A") ( Exhibit A2")Destroy all advertising aimed at children. Oh heck, just get rid of the whole damned amoral advertising industry. Im counting on you.
2000may09. Git me my shotgun, maw, Im gonna bag me a BILLBOARD" If you want to know what type of charming bullshit advertisers will be subjecting us to in the future, look to Silicon Valley now. This sign is almost flush up against 101. Distracting? No, no, not at all.
2000may09. Information I am currently seeking.
(1) The entire ice cream song. There are words in addition to the you scream, I scream, we all scream nonsense.
(2) Any information on the television bumpers that aired in the early 70s called Snippets. Master Apple, Seurat knew a lot about dots, etc, etc.
About the Pleasure Railroad car: It might have worked, actually. There appears to be a lever linkage and a set of springs to control the angle of the wings, allowing them to act as spoilers on the way down and then pop into glide mode when the car left the track. Or maybe Im misreading the drawing.
Among the many things I am not, airplane engineer appears near the top of the list. Im going to hold my tongue on this one until I can get someone with practical experience to evaluate the drawings and mind of Mr. Aitken.
2000may10. I ended up watching a random two minutes here and there of The Smartest Kid In America, apparently an adjunct of Who Wants To Answer Reprobate Questions Posed By Intellectual Giant Regis Philbin. Hosted by Dick Im Still Not Dead Nor Doddering Clark, this show had the type of questions that should be asked on Who Wants To Dramatically Pause For Ten Minutes. Heres a transcript of my favorite q-n-a exchange:
What conic section is described by the equation x squared plus y squared equals one"?Okay, first off, these are kids. KIDS, DAMMIT! You learn this stuff in high school. Unlike Who Wants To Be Subjected To Harsh Dynamic Lighting Reminiscent Of A Prison Break, the kids are offered no multiple choice answers, but if they had had, the multiple choice answers would have been circle, ellipse, and hyperbola, because these are the ONLY conic sections, and then they would have filled in the fourth one with a gimme, which, oh, lets say would have been pancakes (I like pancakes). You probably knew this already, but Im just making sure everyone is up to speed.
So the kid paused (dramatically), and answered:
Ummm, Section One'?Now, FLASHBACK! (FLASHBACK!) Youre me (you sorry bastard), in 10th grade, learning advanced algebra trigonometry. Youre one of several class clowns, probably number three or four on the list, but youre hoping with a few well-placed wisecracks and the heinous drop-out rate, one day you'll advance to number one. The Number One Class Clown is sitting to the immediate left of you, sleeping. The teacher has just finished putting up a complicated proof (god, I hated those fucking proofs) of some esoteric trig function, and hes looking to call on someone. He shouts out to #1 C.C.: Mike! MIKE! WHAT IS THE ANSWER! Mike shoots straight up, sort of figures out where he is, and says, ummm, three?
Thats RIGHT! THE ANSWER IS THREE!I figured he had that number one position locked for the rest of the year after that.
But thats not what Im getting at (Im getting at something?). Because of this (and many other things), I believe in the power of a bullshit, off-the-cuff answer when theres nothing to lose. And Section One kid is about as brazen as one can get – youre speaking to DICK CLARK in front of an audience of MILLIONS on TV, and youre bluffing, crossing your fingers that you accidentally stumble onto the correct answer and win THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS instead of FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS and youre crowned THE SMARTEST KID IN AMERICA and maybe then you wont be beaten up in school tomorrow or maybe you will because of it.
The kid came in third place.
I think they should have just given him the title right after that answer.
You have no idea who the hell I am, but I just wanted to tell you
that a few years ago, I sporadically worshipped the X.
(British distribution was pretty spotty.) Possibly the second finest zine
ever, not counting the ones I used to produce. Respect. – James W
(working for a dot-com kill me now)
Always grand to hear from ex-X readers, especially the ones who somehow snagged our magazine overseas. I got a call once from someone in Australia at 3am who was reading the magazine and had forgotten about the time zone, but it certainly made my day. Good to hear from you sir, and thanks for dropping a line!
The lyrics to the ice cream song
My web page is at http://www.csun.edu/~lg42537]
My favorite food is lasagna, and I really like victorian toffee.
Horses are pretty.
2000may11. Okay, Im in the process of downloading this program, but it sounds absolutely dreamy – finally, a piece of software that allows me to PREVIEW email messgaes BEFORE downloading them ... I will DEFEAT all of my SPAM enemies and FRIENDS WHO SEND ME TWELVE CAT PICTURES IN ONE BIG CHUNK WHEN I'M EXPECTING A JOB OFFER VIA EMAIL AND THE CAT CHUNK COMES FIRST AND I'M SCREAMING AHHH AHHH like that.
Unless it has ads. I havent figured that out. If it has ads, I'll be very sad. Very sad indeed!
2000may11. NoooooooOOOOOO!!! Its got ADS!!! SON OF A BITCH! I hate computers! I HATE THEM! Surely there must be another AD FREE version somewhere! I cant TAKE THIS anymore! I ... I ... I want to be a BAKER! Bakers dont use computers, do they? DO THEY? I can make cakes and pies, from mother-scratching scratch! I mean, I could. I mean, maybe Id just go to baking school and eat the lumps of dough everyone starts out with when theyre supposed to make some pastries or something.
2000may15. www.idonline.com. This is the online version of I.D. magazine (The International Design Magazine). I jumped on the net, pumped up with incredible enthusiasm about this months print version, but I remain somewhat in shock after quickly glancing at their paltry offerings online (and what gives with the horrid domain name?). Anyway, it seems as though I.D. is angling their publication more toward the general public, at least with this issue – definitely go and pick this months (May) up -- lots of interesting smaller design bits and things that have been riling me up lately:
book designer irma boom
smart kitchen gadgets that prepare your food then have sex with you or each other
game show set design
pantone profile by tom vanderbilt
beds on planes
samsonites travel clothing
mechanical speed/stride-enhancing footwear (a must see! OSCARS for BIONIC BOOT!)
I was at a garage sale today, skimming through a box of old 45s, and found a record with the title Hartz Mountain Canary Training Record.. Recalling seeing something similar on your Gimme List yesterday, I grabbed it and paid the pipe smoking guy running the sale. I went home.
Not two steps out of his driveway, I pulled the record from the sleeve, to see what condition it was in.. The record was free of scratches and nicks, which is all fine and ducky, but it wasnt the canary training record. Instead, I found an Atari Space Raiders Read Along Record.
(When you hear the tone, turn the page..)
I brought it back to the pipe smoking man, and asked if I could look for the correct 45 in his bin ...
All sales are final. No refunds.
I told him I didnt *want* a refund, just the right record for the righ sleeve.
All sales are final. No refunds.
*grr* So, to make this now very long story short.. I have a sleeve, but no 45 to go along with it. If its of any use to you, youre welcome to it..
The sleeve itself is in sorta good condition.. Its a little yellowed, and the flap on the back is torn.. But all the main graphics and text are inact and legible. (I can send you scans..)
I hate those Garage Sale Asshole experiences. Suburban Control Freaks from the 50s, usually, eking out their last bit of perceived power before their timely death. Its bizarre, really. I tend to think of a garage sale as inherently buyer-friendly. I think I run into more weirdoes than average because I sometimes have a nutjob question, like just buying a nicely-designed box instead of overpriced item inside. For these people, a simple no will not suffice – they have to harrangue, as well. At one sale I went to and tried the box trick on a stapler, the entire contents of the sale had been left out in the rain for at least a day – everything was rusted and ruined. But dammit, she was going to hold onto that cardboard box, yessir, wouldnt sell it for a buck.
hey, what do you think is a good name for a porn site? a funny one perhaps?
All porn is funny.
2000may18. Wouldnt you rather blend in with nature instead of traffic? Mud makes the perfect camouflage. And the 4Runner, with a powerful V6 engine and the highest ground clearance in its class, is the ideal way to cover yourself in it. ADVENTURE. EVERY DAY. TOYOTA
National Geographic back cover advertisement March 2000
2000may18. Tread luxuriously. Tread lightly and luxuriously in Lincoln Navigator, the worlds most powerful full-size luxury SUV. Tread spaciously, too. Navigator has room for seven in three rows of leather-trimmed seats. Lincoln Navigator. American Luxury.
New Yorker back inside cover advertisement May 22 2000
2000may19. Unfortunately, Shaun J Fairlee did not become Portlands new mayor. [via tom who is currently IN THE ZONE]
I am looking for a japanese gum called felix. Do you know where I can get a hold of any?
Oooh, jeez, Felix! No. Is that related to the cat? I'll keep an eye out for you. .. youre interested in it for the gum itself? Like one pack? Or multiples? Do you live near a big city?
I am looking for it for the gum yes. I live in a small city in new york. I want to purchase a case of it, because it is so hard to find. I doubt you can get it here in the states. Thank you, fo your help
I have not been able to find the Felix. Perhaps our intrepid readers will come ... come to the rescue!
2000may20. NOT THAT YOU WOULD. BUT YOU COULD. Oh, the places you can now go and the things you can now achieve. Thats because underneath the new 2001 Nissan Pathfinders seductively sculpted sheet metal resides the most powerful SUV engine weve ever built. An exceptionally potent 3.5-liter, 240-hp powerplant, born from one of Americas 10 best engines. And reinvented to provide more horsepower for greater acceleration. More torque for enhanced towing and hauling capability. And even more refinement in the form of smoothness and quietness to improve every driving situation. So, while you may never storm Pikes Peak or own the passing lane in Munich, isnt it nice to know you could?
New Yorker two-page advertisement May 15 2000 pg40-41
2000may22. Writers Digest is hosting their own National Zine Publishing Awards. How wonderful of them. Twenty-five dollar entry fee, which is some zines full printing budget; and a whopping FIVE HUNDRED DOLLAR grand prize, which is twenty other peoples entry fees.
2000may24. A question. Is anyone out there using some sort of html generator program? I dont mean something that has you working with some What You See Is Almost What You Get GUI program like Dreamweaver, Im talking about something that allows you to mark up text pages with pseudo-html and then it does all the dirty work of creating the html code.
I live in Tokyo & need instant mash potato(SMASH)is the best.Will
swop stuff from Japan.Does anybody read this??cheers
I replied in the affirmative. But what to swop?
You Wrote:Well ... WE
have got dried natto which is fermented soya beans. It really does stinks
and very sticky but its very good for you! Do you want to do one pack for
But, I said, I can get natto here in the states. I wanted cool Japanese paper packaging. How to explain? Perhaps this swopping is fruitless.
OK! So you can get natto. If
you are intersted in packaging I can keep all the wrappers. I did not realize
you are in San Fran. not Coneticute. Its called smash instant mash potato.
Our correspondence ended there. But I will always remember Mr. Smash.
2000may31. Somebody broke into my car today and took about four dollars in change out of the ashtray. So I went and bought some ice cream. It cost three dollars and forty nine cents. At least they didnt break the window and miss the change and extra car keys lying around like last time. Not that I leave extra car keys in the car anymore. I mean, I dont. I like ice cream.