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Cardhouse
macros2000.com

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2000 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

party poker

2000jun01. It’s a big day here in the big city. It’s the day the window-washing guys (tethered only by a frighteningly thin set of ropes) slide past our own 40th floor, causing near heart-attacks in startled workers who were sitting pleasantly at their desks, gazing out at the horizon, only to suddenly be face-to-face with window-washing guys where no sane person should be. [soosan]

2000jun02. “You know, it costs a LOT more to keep these people in hotel rooms. Can we just go back to the jail part? That was much better.”

2000jun02. I am going to open up a can of WHOOP ASS (tm Jones Soda) on you! Also I will pee super yellow. Also on you! HA HA!!!! A funny “pee” joke!

2000jun04. Mail.

hoi brigitte / hello brigitte / eff een mailtje / hoor je ook de muziek / anders is het fout gegaan / nou ik hoop dat je examens goed gaan / veel liefs – rosalie

hoi hoi! ik vinden heb je naar de verkeerd persoon. ik verrichten niet zijn ieder examen. en ik verrichten niet spreken nederlands.

veel liefs!

2000jun05. I was just wondering about WVHS. You remember, the high-grade analog video machine that was supposed to knock the legs out from under analog HDTV? It only cost around $5000 back in 1996 or so. The only time I saw one was at work – it came in with Japanese-only instructions. The Vancouver International Film Festival is accepting entries in WVHS, so the format is “getting around.” The resolution of WVHS was “almost” comparable to HDTV – something like 1907x1009 (vs 1920x1034 for HDTV) – but the interesting bit was that instead of recording one near-HDTV program you could also record three simultaneous VHS programs. So if that brand-new JVC WVHS deck is actually now priced at $250 (maybe they’ve just had one sitting around the shop for five years? floor model?) and you’re a big video geek who doesn’t mind the prohibitive cost of WVHS tapes (I believe it also takes VHS for those special moments when you know you won’t have programming conflicts), this would be a good present for YOU! I wonder if it’s compatible with TiVo, which cannot record two shows at the same time. I am guessing “no.” Figure it out, geek.

2000jun05. Hired ghosts, witchcraft, blah blah blah. SSDD.

2000jun05. “With more and more advances in medical technology, it is crucial not to forget to inform younger patients of what can be perceived as 'scary medical equipment.’” [soosan]

2000jun05. Inexplicable object of the week: last supper clock.

2000jun05. An Entirely Other Day is back (it’s back!)!

2000jun05. Pixbarn.

Inga ... ROXETTE! ... Inga. (alltifrån 1991)

Roxette är död! Lång bor Roxette!!!! [via cvb]

2000jun06. Kupperman: Sherlock Holmes and His Friends.

2000jun06. Mail.

hi there you ... .this is just a personal note to let you know what a blast I had looking at your site..I was supposed to be researching Unilever for a college paper and through MARGARINE got linked to you (yeah I know I was wasting time but hey..I am ON VACATION) got a big charge out of the candy cigarette thing ... I “smoked” a million of those when I was a kid, and especially loved the ones that had that white powder under the paper wrapping. You can still find them at Baldinger’s Foods of the World in Cranberry Township, PA. It is a mecca of hard to find candies and specialty foods (chocolate covered bees and crickets are a MUST). I saved your site and will be perusing it when I am again ALLOWED to get off the fast track. PS ... Being so witty, I bet you are a cutiepie..got a picture?

I am, Misread and Ms Red

I am just a robot.

2000jun07. Shuttlecock Ratings: French Food You Suck On

2000jun07. Time-waster extraordinaire. [soosan]

2000jun07. Get excited, America! Everything on the internet will soon be under FBI jurisdiction! To save time, the internet will be renamed to “mailwire.”

2000jun08. A Lesson In The Transitory Nature of The Web. I found what appears to be a very useful freeware software package. Twenty minutes after downloading all of the relevant programs, the site put up a password-protection scheme.

2000jun08. Extremely sad news. Ellery Chun, creator of the Aloha shirt, has died at the age of 91.

2000jun08. The hot new scene that meth-addicts are grooving to: check washing

2000jun08. Slap ‘er Down Again, Paw (Arthur Godfrey)

2000jun09. Mail.

On your front page, the may 19 bsv entry points into outer space. Also, the forward arrow from mail/mailbag.htm points at mail00.htm, which isn’t so tragic because there isn’t a big teaser for mail00 on the front page, making me wonder, What does the “B” stand for? Backslash? Bang? B? Bracket?

For security, use Ctrl-G as your separator. The klaxon will warn you when someone’s peeking at your files.

I like the bell ideer. But the “B” in BSV stood for “bar.” I removed the page because it started a little holy war, and I’m already backed up on my email so far that [insert wacky metaphor here]. So away it goes for now. You didn’t see anything. Move along.

I’ve also fixed the mail problem. The actual mail from the last five months will be up “shortly.” Dr. Berk is patiently revising the auto-mail algorithm while I furiously attempt to “add value” to the program by changing my mind every twelve seconds. “It should have FINS!!!! GLEAMING EMAIL FINS!” He is the best Staff Chemist in the whole world, I said as I prepared another onslaught of “improvements.”

2000jun09. If you just keep pushing bad legislation through, over and over and over again, shouldn’t you just explode or something? Or do you just get to go in the Guinness Book of World Assholes?

2000jun09. Must-read Microsoft breakup account featuring shell-shocked, delusional, disbelieving cult employees ... “our leader ... our leader ... what? Lik’em Aid? Okay, I guess ... (pause) bitter ... almondy taste ... ” [via Obscure Store]

2000jun09. Brunching: Microsoft: The Verdict. I watched this without sound and laughed, so I imagine those of you with speakers will also enjoy this flash 4 presentation.

2000jun09. Finally ... THE LOST EOD

2000jun09. “That iced tea just goes right through ya. Am I president yet?" Vote for Nader. NADER

2000jun09. More Microsoft Patented Crushing Action (digitaldivas.com vs Microsoft’s new digitaldiva.com)

2000jun09. Mail.

Dearest Cardhouse:
I had to something something /
had jump in my car /
be a rider in the something something /
‘Cause I was out of freaking stamps.

Yeah.

Cheers, J.

2000jun09. Mail.

are you sure that the dye contained in haw flakes is the safe one? check out this page on the FDA site which seems to indicate otherwise.
– andy

That page chronicles the US detention of haw flakes (and slices) from a company named ”Zibo Minyue Food Co., Ltd.” The two companies that I have purchased haw flakes from (and are discussed on other pages) are named “Shan Zha Bing,” and “Sunflower.” Now, perhaps Zibo Minyue owns or is somehow responsible for the product for each or both of these companies. I don’t know. More contact and background information about Zibo Minyue is available at this page (which is no longer up, of course), which will cause anyone familiar with the Tufte school of visualization to twitch uncontrollably.

But considering the content of the page, as difficult as that is to do, it appears that Zibo Minyue is a new company, whereas the haw flakes from Shan Zha Bing and Sunflower certainly look, from the packaging alone (this is Sunflower; if I remember correctly, Shan Zha Bing looks mysteriously the same minus said flower on the top of the package) as if they’ve been around forever. And hey, the package lists only two ingredients: haw, and sugar. As I mentioned in the article, the color is completely unappetizing – it looks like some new company figured on eliminating this roadblock to increased sales but their zeal has defeated them! DEFEATED THEM I TELL YOU!

2000jun10. I just received word from the National Street Assocation: streets diagonal to cardinal directions have been DEPRECATED.

2000jun10. Ebay: “Most famous of Wally Gator scenes.” Yes. Who could forget.

2000jun10. I like to click the donuts and match them to the plungers.

2000jun11. Kitten recently born. Kitten recently born. [via burford]

2000jun15. 2000jun15. Mail.

Update the damn deck o’ junk before i come drop a little ‘john shaft wisdom’ on your dome!! – wally

No.

2000jun15. What Not To Write On Your Security Clearance Form

2000jun15. Brilliant design on Annanova – I have to scroll to see anything more than the news headline. Pass.

2000jun15. Review of Tape Op magazine; Tape Op website

2000jun15. “Don’t you hate it when environmental legislation stops you from dumping dioxins in the nearest lake? Yeah, I do, too. Hey, do we have any Superfund site nominees here? Anyone? Love Canal? Don’t even get me started!” [audience roars] Also, please note that the site itself pretty much is the most obnoxious non-porn web site I’ve ever encountered. Pop-ups, numerous legal warnings everywhere, and, a special treat for you PC users (click the right button on any “comedian” link, quite possibly any link) LEGAL WARNING POP-UP!

2000jun15. Courtney love on the music business including the dirty, dirty figures (long, a must-read); The Trouble with Music, a similar, older piece by Steve Albini on a website with a delightful background. The piece might be on Negativland’s site somewhere, but I can’t find it.

2000jun15. Related: Shiny, Aluminum, Plastic, and Digital (Negativland)

2000jun15. I like eating those tiny candy bananas, because I am getting all of the nutritional value of regular bananas but in a pleasing candy form.

2000jun15. Wow, that’s some collection of the world’s worst products! [via Robotwisdom] Where have I seen that collection before? Where have I? Oh yeah, they’ve all appeared first in Beer Frame Magazine. The incredibly sad thing about this “World’s Worst Products” page is that instead of just simply plagiarizing the articles whole, the “author” has successfully beaten down well-written, entertaining columns into a half-recognizable sound bite mash (say, 40% copied, 60% mash) with no credit listed. The current online adjunct to Beer Frame deals with Y2k-incompatible Life Savers and two mysteriously similar brands of Colgate.

2000jun16. What is this, some kind of sick joke? This is so twisted on so many levels it HURTS MAH BRAIN

2000jun16. I mentioned this web ad blocking technique site awhile ago – but I was never able to get it working with my browser (pc netscape 4.0.8). The standard 127.0.0.1 loopback mentioned on the site doesn’t work its magic on my dial-up machine. Today I accidentally stumbled across an ip address that works (without the additional local proxy list, apparently), and also found out why, somewhat. Just replace 127.0.0.1 with 254.0.0.0. This address will work with dialup pc netscape 4.0.8, and both pc/mac netscape communicator 4.7. There’s apparently no need to add the local proxy list mentioned farther down the page. Getting this to work is incredibly easy - you cut, you paste, do a global replace, you’re done – and suddenly, no more slow-loading, flashing, annoying ads! 90% of the ads – gone! It will take five minutes, I say!

Oh! Here’s the reason 254.0.0.0 works ... found this on a Cisco site.

“The range 224.0.0.0 through 255.255.255.254 is reserved for experimental use (IP address classes D and E), and 255.255.255.255 is the universal broadcast address.”

So that will work for awhile, that’s for sure. No software, just one text file. Very nice.

2000jun16. While we’re talking about removing ads, here’s a way to eliminate the advertising pumped through the sub-par Odigo messaging system, if you’re using it for some reason. First, let’s block those Odigo sites. You’ll need to edit your hosts file again. Add three new entries:

254.0.0.0 www.odigo.com
254.0.0.0 odigo.com
254.0.0.0 ads.odigo.com

This way, your Odigo software can’t go out and get new ads. If you’ve been using Odigo at all, you’ve built up an ad cache – let’s get rid of it. Go to your Odigo ad cache folder, which is probably in Program Files\Odigo\adcache. Delete everything there. They’re just ads.

Now you can run that graphically-pretty-but-still-a-user’s-nightmare Odigo without those darn ads. I didn’t test this fully, but I was not subjected to ads for a five-minute period, and was able to chat with some random person about absolutely nothing.

2000jun16. Proposal For Copyright Reform

2000jun19. Jesus is getting desperate. [via tecopa jane]

2000jun19. Inexplicable Object Of The Week, with an important lesson for eight-track tape owners.

2000jun20. Long-awaited sequel: Snake ‘n’ Bacon Meet Robot Grampa

2000jun20. There’s this guy I know, right? So he registered a domain, just this made up concept that got stuck in his craw a few years ago. Well, turns out it was a registered trademark! Hahaha! What a goof! He could have saved himself a lot of time if he had checked out the U.S. Trademark Electronic Search System! Now he checks “TESS” every fifteen seconds. Because of his “pro-active” vigilance, there’s precious little chance that he’ll find himself in front of a judge staring down a fine of $1,000 to $100,000 for “cybersquatting.” Thumbs up to Mr. Goof!

2000jun20. Mail.

My name is Naomi J., and I found your site via Etour.com. I am also the biggest Led Zeppelin fan in the Midwest, and oddly enough, also used to sing along with Gordon Lightfoot. Guess what? Your The Stairway of the Edmund Fitzgerald is, without a doubt, the funniest thing I’ve read in decades. For a Zep fan, it’s delicious. For a Zep fan who remembers the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald, it’s hysterical. For me? The biggest belly laugh in years! Good show, jolly good show! – Naomi J.

2000jun20. Mail.

Hi there,
I came across your site, which is fabulous! I’m a researcher working on the second series of Treasure, which is Channel Four’s late night look at weird and wonderful collections, and your collection definitely falls into that category (I hope you consider that a compliment, as it is intended) Would it be possible for you to give me a call so that I can find out more about your interest and I can tell you about Treasure. I am really looking for people based in the UK. Are you or do you know of anyone with a similar collection who is?
Kind Regards – Margaret M.

Do what now?

2000jun21. Shit, why don’t we just re-open Manzanar for all of these crazy foreign college kids? That way, we’re totally safe. And I know the American people want that. Safety.

2000jun22. Hey sodium fans! Are you “jonesing” for your favorite element? Well, search no more! Here are the results of the poorly-promoted Sodium Contest, in which contestants were asked to find food products with the highest sodium content per serving and the highest total sodium content. I am awarding “Best of Show” to Temple Brand Salted Black Beans, for just about tripling the sodium content of the first runner-up and also your recommended maximum “Daily Value” of sodium (2400mg). I cracked open a can of this stuff, and the salt molecules actually reached up and started strangling me. Totally bizarre. I also found a recipe on the web that calls for salted black beans and a “bit of salt,” presumably to get you up to that cherished 300% mark.

As far as total sodium content is concerned, it’s HAM! HAM! HAM! But I think we all knew that.

serving   %pdv    total  
6950mg    289%   6950mg  Temple Brand Salted Black Beans 130g (Philippines)
2380mg     99%   2380mg  Boston Market's Orignal Chicken Pot Pie
2310mg     96%   2310mg  Hardee's Big Country Sausage
1760mg     73%   1760mg  Trader Joe's Shrimp & Surimi Sushi Rice Bowl
1520mg     63%   1520mg  Trader Joe's Middle East Feast
1510mg     63%   3020mg  Libby's Corned Beef Hash (16 oz can)
1400mg     58%   1400mg  Smack Cup Ramen (Spicy Chicken flavor)
1030mg     43%  27810mg  Armour Premium Canned Ham (5 lbs)
 920mg     38%   9200mg  Kikkoman Soy Sauce
 900mg     37%   5400mg  Hillshire Farms Cheddar Wurst Smoked Sausage 
                           with Wisconsin Cheddar Cheese
 700mg     29%  17500mg  Westbrae Natural Soy Sauce
 570mg     24%   3420mg  Kraft EASY MAC Macaroni "Macaroni & Cheese Dinner: 
                           Microwavable Single Servings."
 153mg      6%  10215mg  Marmite

special thanks to novarese, tecopa jane, and david c.

More 
salt, PLEASE

2000jun22. “Maybe they won’t have a Muslim doing the slaughtering, or maybe they’re playing an audiotape of the blessing as the chickens go down the chute,”

2000jun23. Cintra. Central Park.

2000jun23. Fisher-Price Little People Stewardess Clown figurine. Stewardess clown, stewardess clown, stewardess clown. [via misterpants]

2000jun24. Why does this guy look like someone’s drunk dad vacationing in Florida?

2000jun26. Your inexpensive robot alternative! [soosan]

2000jun27. I found this because this page found one of my pages. But some of these pages this person found are “404/Not Found.”

2000jun27. Stay Free: New York’s Great Outdoors – a mapual guide to the NYC advertising jungle

2000jun27. Mail.

sa vedem cum merge?????????????????

hatlar? alsana guga ... bega.

2000jun28. I haven’t acquainted myself with the heavily-advertised set of 50 “state” quarters released this year. Every time I run across a new one, my brain momentarily becomes feverish with the notion that I’m in a FOREIGN COUNTRY.

2000jun29. Mail.

[A reader corrects an earlier statement] Actually there are not 50 state quarters released this year. Starting in 1999, 5 quarters each will be released every year for 10 years ending in 2008. The quarters are released in the order that the states joined the union. Therefore, it won’t be until sometime next year that we even finish recieving the 13 original states in quarter form ...

bryan

It is an exciting time to be a quarter, that’s for sure!

2000jun29. Mail.

what is the point of this? or is that the point

We apologize for the delay. Our “half-click” e-commerce section will be up shortly, allowing users to totally immerse themselves in a tri-D pro-rainforest shopping environment, while our pro-active hosts Michael Jordan and “Shaq” will spritz designer fragrances on your various consumer orders. Compassion, Commitment, Community, Cobranding, Contracted Out To Indonesia. Cardhouse.

2000jun30. GPS Stash Hunt. Free shit, buried in the ground, with the GPS coordinates given. A cakewalk, my friends. I’m going to CLEAN UP

2000jun30. Mail.

I JUST GOT A NEW CAT (FEMALE) AND I CAN’T THINK OF A NAME! what are some good names for a cat? huh? huh!

Captain Shitter, Eight Ball Deluxe, The Cat, Winstun, My First Cat, Snugglesdroid, An Inevitable Compact, Jet-Set Darling, Pants, McGyver, 721, Ting Ting Jahe, Flashlight Song, Shiloh, Cardhouse, Snot, Bang Drop It, Super Baby Smotherer (cape not included), Meow Mix ’88, High Noon, Camule, Taterboy (this is even though it’s a girl), Glendale California, Dammit, My Cat Is A Fucking Star, 981495, Did You Hear The One About The Cat That Never Came When You Called It So Why The Hell Name It?, Plastikat, Mr. Sheds, Old Shit-N-Sleep.