2000dec18. I am changing the battery in my car. The old one is dead. Dead dead. So I am putting in my new happy battery. The old (dead) one has splotches near the terminals and on the side – this may be the mysterious substance the mechanic placed on it to ensure continued contact with the cables, or it could mean my dead battery has been acting up and is lying in wait. There are several warnings on the top of each of the batteries; the one that catches my eye repeatedly as I turn bolts ends with “GET HELP FAST.” Yes, I’ll just quickly finish the job, jump into the car, then head to the hospital. Time to call a dishonest mechanic (oxymoron: collect them all) tomorrow.