1999jun02. Iron Butterfly bassist becomes brilliant physicist, works on faster-than-light communications system for government, disappears from the face of the earth, then is (perhaps) found years later inside the wreckage of a minivan
1999jun03. Again, a special note: I am on vacation right now. Things will pick up next Monday or so, if I don’t just chuck the whole thing and become a croupier in Winnemucca. I could do that, you know. DON’T COME ANY CLOSER! I HAVE ONE OF THOSE DICE STICKS!
You may find these points somewhat edifying That big stupid thing : AKA shit on a stick we have its aesthetically tragic twin (sheep sized brown spherical things that look like well ... shit suspended on 2 storey high poles masquerading as a corporate art work in Sydney Aust (appropriately next to a neon 6m x 3m coca-cola propaganda piece)corner of william st & darlinghurst rd ... The head bible basher in the Filipines is called Cardinal Sin I saw this add (in a very staid newspaper catering to the extreme right bluerinse set, calling for “volunteer sewers” Im visualizing the contortions required to become a human excrement conduit, the fine print actually clarifys -volunteer seamstresses Theres a website for a corporation called alibi you might want to check out.
You are speaking of Utah’s The Stupidest Thing In The Whole World. I am sorry to hear that similar designs exist elsewhere. At least the one in Utah is in the middle of nothing ...
Please come back. we need your expertise on Dig Dug. It hasn’t been the same these 17 years since you retired from video games.
I think Walter is actually the guy who took down my high score ... if that is possible.
1999jun07. This is quite funny. There’s a black hole in the center of our galaxy. Although the news story does say that black holes “pull in matter” and that the solar system is orbiting it, it doesn’t really go the extra mile to say that we’re actually being PULLED IN by it. [via infosift]
Wait, I’ve got some tag lines!
The universe actually does suck ... now scientifically proven.
From the Big Bang to the Big Hole
My planet was swallowed by a black hole and all I got was this lousy t-shirt
Okay, I’ll stop now. Are we going to get any sort of black hole ETA? I mean, will it be before or after the heat death of the sun? I need to know, I put everything in my little planner.
1999jun07. Children Use Space Shuttle Disco Ball To Destroy Enemies On Earth Via High-Intensity Light Beams. ”Some of these children have developed extremely advanced tracking and firing procedures. The NSA will be watching them throughout their childhood and will probably pluck these Wunderkids out of high school,” project coordinator Linda Ham may have said.
1999jun07. Beginning chapter of Joan Didion’s Uncovered Washington available at The New York Review of Books. [via robot wisdom] Joan is uniquely qualified to tell you what to think about Washington what with her membership in the Council on Foreign Relations and all.
1999jun07. You may remember iNax, a wonderful Japanese parody consisting of a toilet designed exactly like an iMac. This is the page it appeared on – it is no longer there, replaced now by a picture of the creator performing dogeza-suru and atama-wo-marumeru. His atama-wo-marumeru isn’t exactly milspec. Did anyone grab that image of the iNax?
i must say that yr site is most entertaining to paw thru while at work while i am supposed to be working ...
QUERY: seeing as you have many cool graphics of the variety i like (weird diagrams, cheesy 50s/60s line art, etc.), i was wondering if you knew where i could score some bingo (yes, the game) graphics for a magazine i’m designing.
Holland has learned “the hard way” not to depend on my good graces when working with time-critical materials. I failed to scan the required bingo graphics I promised to within the specified period. I am ashamed. Let this be a lesson to you, the home surfer. Or to me, whoever.
1999jun08. Type in a keyword, and BannerStake will show you the ads that the search engines are programmed to show when that keyword is typed as part of a search. Here, I’ve entered the word “dumb,” and surprisingly there are advertisers who want the valuable “dumb” demographic.
1999jun08. Ah. I tried entering “dfsdffs” into BannerStake and it still came up with banners. So that’s misleading.
1999jun08. More Brunching Shuttlecocks – I really love this Good Or Bad series, I tells ya. I am extremely surprised by the current results ... especially the frontrunner! And the placing of Mount Rushmore is completely wrong.
1999jun08. (dead news link) "The ID requirement was the latest in a series of steps to curb youth violence in the aftermath of the high school rampage that left 15 people dead in Littleton, Colo.” Because, of course, R-Rated movies killed those kids.
1999jun09. Frito-Lay has a website for Planet Lunch called www.ploids.com. The slogan of the site, “It’s your planet. It’s your lunch. So you make the rules.” is followed by seventeen paragraphs of legal boilerplate on terms and conditions. [Candi]
1999jun09. (dead news link) News Filler: “I have a smart bomb.” No ... no you don’t, sir.
1999jun10. Your Tax Dollars Not At Work: “Foodborne Illness Peaks In Summer – Why?” A ten-year-old could have made the same conclusions. “My empirical research indicates that it’s hotter during the summer, and bacteria thrives during this time. Can I go play now?"
1999jun10. I’ve been looking for a nice portable record player for awhile now, and I accidentally ran into this page, which features what appears to be a Sony record player that can play records vertically (scroll down a bit).
1999jun10. I don’t know what this page is, but it’s very important, since there’s a penguin yelling “Donut!” on it. Perhaps, since he has wheels for legs, he is about to execute a donut in a parking lot somewhere.
1999jun10. (dead news link) Detroit area man faces trial for swearing after being dumped by a canoe in fucking Standish, which is about seven or eight goddamned miles North of Pinconning, the stupid-ass cheese capital of the free world.
I’m trying to get hold of Lotte chewing gum in the US (Reno, Nevada).
I specifically like the Sweetie, Muscat, Blueberry, and Mango flavors.
I have a bunch of friends in the office who would also like somewhere to
obtain this gum. Let me know if you can help-
I am not up on the Lotte phenomenon. I suggest scouring Japanese and/or Chinese grocery/video/book stores.
1999jun11. While driving back across the United States, I saw several wind farms, which I think are just the most damned delightful things to sit back and watch. Wind power! Wind power! Power from the wind – how beautiful is that? I didn’t spend much time looking for wind farm info but ended up finding this case study, and here’s a good photo that illustrates exactly how big these mothers are – see the tiny truck between the third and fourth windmill?
1999jun11. (dead news link) News Filler: Amish teens lured by drink, go HOG WILD
1999jun11. 40% of 1999 corn crop genetically modified. Dig in to that cereal, kiddies! Let’s see what the science of today does to your tiny little bodies tomorrow! Fun for the whole family! Good thing there’s a labelling program in place so consumers can decide if they want to eat GM crops or not. Wait a second ...
1999jun14. Word: Food Stylist. The less you contribute to humanity, the more you will make. Also, I popped this article out of its disgusting flashing-ad frame, it makes me twitch like a Japanese schoolgirl.
1999jun14. (dead news link) The movie review that could make you nauseous, baby! Yeah!
1999jun15. (dead news link) Totally bizarre Coca-Cola health scare. The cola itself is not contaminated, there are claims of the “red paint on crates used to transport the drinks” reacted with the paint on the cans and caused the illnesses yet people drinking out of glass bottles also fell ill. Where the FUCK is Encylopedia Brown, that’s what I want to know.
1999jun15. Found photo.
(contributed by Craphound.)
I’ve been wracking my brains trying to figure out what that thing in the foreground is. (2006: It’s a theatre light)
PS: Dig the innovative mirrored Saturnball
1999jun15. (dead news link) "You know, we’re just not sure. I mean, it could be anything, even though we’ve ruled everything else out.” “Have you looked into confections ... say, candy, for instance?” “No, we have not looked into candy. This may be the cause of it. One day we will find the cause of it, and that day will be most glorious.”
1999jun15. What’s the matter, LONDON? Don’t you LIKE to buy things, lots of nice shiny NEW things? Pretty ... shiny ... [drool] Hey, if I was in London now, you KNOW I’d be “Driver #2” in a J18 car crash.
1999jun17. “The museum of failed consumer products is filled with exhibits such as the Betamax videocassette player, the eight-track tape and New Coke. And now there’s Divx video-rental technology.” (“One of these things is not like the others” – 8-tracks didn’t fail! But it’s a good thing Divx has. Take THAT, Circuit City morons!)
1999jun18. Kool-Aid Man remains curiously silent despite repeated requests to say ”Oh, yeah!” Depression is a disease we all know and let’s hope that Kool-Aid Man makes a quick recovery. [via obscure store]
1999jun18. "This is the CIA ... testing, testing? One two three? Okay, I think he can hear me. Press what? Oh ... whoops. Here is your first command: produce crippling truckloads of documentation about your condition. Over.”
1999jun18. (dead news link) FREE IDEA: Eventually some smarty-smart will make a browser plug-in that pre-analyzes all the jpg files on a given webpage and gives a thumbs-up or down depending on how much flesh tone is in the pictures.
1999jun21. (dead news link) In China, heroin users are locked up, fined $500, and then they work off the debt in prison. This is really not much different from the American system, except you might get to make lace panties for Victoria’s Secret (see below).
WHERE CAN I FIND LOTTE CHOCOLATE SUNFUNS.
I SAID I DON’T KNOW WHERE PERHAPS YOU COULD TRY AN ASIAN GROCERY STORE.
1999jun22. Administration: I have been rather “busy” the last few days. This trend will continue. I know you care.
1999jun24. How do we keep our big overbloated NASA staff employed? [music swells]
1999jun24. (dead news link) Supreme Court rules that the federal government may ban prisoners from receiving Playboy, Penthouse, or other sexually-explicit magazines. Among the magazines listed as being specifically excluded from the ban is the Victoria’s Secret catalog. You know, so prisoners can at least see their handiwork (see dead horse, jun 18th).
1999jun25. More favicon.ico bullshit from Microsoft ... as if it wasn’t bad enough that Chairman Bill went off the board to create this headache, it could also be exploited to run spurious code and read your hard drive. SHUT IT DOWN COMPLETELY. Put me in an alley with the guy who thought of this ...
1999jun25. Pay the door, pay the mom, pay the DJ, pay for the items, pay the house, pay the makeup artist, now SMILE while you earn it all back: the grim life of a stripper presented in the form of a rulebook
1999jun27. $271 for running a red light. Enforced by camera. Beyond all of this, California seems to have a problem timing lights – sometimes I hit the line when a light turns yellow, and then it turns red before I get through the intersection at the speed limit. I think a good jury-rigged solution to this problem until the larger issue of privacy in society is hammered out would be something like a slingshot or a paintgun.
I don’t CARE what people say. I LOVE the current Cardhouse colors. Orange, Green, and occaisonally a spot of Blue. Them’s Nationwide colors, man!
[preparing for Nationwide lawsuit]
Well i think the colours are just fine. The small bold text was a bit hard to read, but that’s just my opinion. Don’t let the Man get you down! Surely quality content is more important than green freakin’ type.
One for two ain’t that bad.
1999jun28. Found photo.
(contributed by Jason S.)
The Used RV Series.
These were developed from negatives found in a used RV (There’s a picture of the RV in one of the photos). They probably belong to the owner before the owner that sold it to the current owner (who’s the one who found the negatives and developed the pictures). I am now terrified of hot tubs and sun rooms.
Ah, Monte Carlo! You devil of a city, you.
Bavaria! Land of intrigue!
The Used RV Series draws to a close.
The family “toughens it out” in Death Valley.
Hey, don’t change your color scheme! It rocks!
And it will continue “rocking,” Mr. Chainsaw!
1999jun29. (dead news link) The study of humor. Check out the “Jennings” example in the text, it’s a killer. Are these people humor archaeologists? And ... oh dear god ... a HOSPITAL CLOWN ... yes, funny times are sure to be had at this conference!
1999jun29. Nice summary of those stupid email hoaxes certain people fall for over and over, including a funny “Good Times” parody hoax (“It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can’t find it. It will kick your dog.”)