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1999jul01. (dead news link) Those crazy earth-centric scientists. Perhaps WE’RE the rogue planet. Oh, wait, I’m on vacation! Never mind.

1999jul01. Mail.

If you haven’t already, you should see this: http://www.easybake.com

Either Joe Butler is the next Wolgang Puck w/ his ass-baggy “Scrumptuous Orange Nut Cake” or nobody is. He was robbed ...

My favorite part is the pulsing baked goods in the navigation bar. Although bits from “Through the Years” are ghastly:

1970 – Beatles break up
1987 – NY Stock Exchange crash
1991 – NC-17 rating is introduced

I think that I’m going to stick my head in my Easy Bake oven now ...

Thanks,
Donaldson

(2006: Still one of my favorite email messages. Ass-baggy.)

1999jul05. Rocket man.

1999jul05. The “gallery” of “misplaced” quotation “marks” “.”

1999jul05. Penguin measuring device.

1999jul05. Mullets Galore!

1999jul06. Frogs got PrettyPark! [via unobserved utterances]

1999jul06. My Boot Movie Theater

1999jul06. Privacy: What privacy?

1999jul06. How to figure out fake email addresses

1999jul06. (dead news link) RV use at all-time high. “It’s no longer looked upon as unhip to hog the road.’’ I believe hood-mounted surface-to-air missiles would also look “hip” on my car.

1999jul06. Oh, just roll over and die, America.

1999jul06. The Price Is Right games explained. I was a big fan of Money Game back in the day. The Old Front ‘n’ Back trick cracks me up ... Bob’s one crazy motherscratcher. [via memepool]

1999jul07. I can’t get enough of these Price is Right games. Here’s “Three Strikes.”If I was playing that game, I’d uniquely gouge each of the chips as I hauled it up so I’d never get another strike. Then I’d win that damned Cadillac! The ladies would be checking my action out with such a sweet chariot under my total control.

1999jul07. Here is a cartoon by Michael Kupperman, and here is a list of cartoons by Michael Kupperman.

1999jul07. Michael Kupperman: What Might Happen If Mark Twain And Albert Einstein Were To Team Up To Dig A Hole To The Center Of The Earth? (part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

1999jul08. Okay, I am back from the desert now. I was sick out there. It was fun. I went to the Luxor in Las Vegas and laughed at the dumb things. Also people kept stealing my fork while I was pigging out, American buffet hog style. Not wise, leaving me the knife for revenge.

In other news, a real estate agent stuck an American flag/pole into the lawn the other day with a dopey letter attached to it, with phrases like “Flagstravagnza” (sic!!!), “this is one of my many ways of giving back to the community for making me top producer,” and “thanks in advance to all who showed their support, by prominently displaying their flag.”

Support of what? Support of you? Support of America? SUPPORT OUR TROOPS! THESE COLORS DON’T RUN!!! What a fuckhead. Nothing like advertising coat-tailing on people’s patriotism. Shit on top of shit.

So I burned the flag.

1999jul08. When did we all decide that clicking an ad banner would be a good metric? We don’t click billboards or television commercials, we watch passively or change the channel. Most advertising revenue that doesn’t fit the familiar models (radio, tv, billboards) is also determined in terms of exposure – someone actually sits down and watches, for example, the Indy 500 to determine how many seconds the logo for Taco Bell appears on the screen, whether shown by the flash of a car or on a pit crew member’s logo-crammed suit. Advertisers better re-think their payment model for web banners and just accept the fact that people wouldn’t click on a billboard, even if they could. Not that I care, all corporations and advertising agencies can and should go straight to hell.

1999jul08. Jim Mahfood (comics)

1999jul09. Ohmigod omigod ... an interview with the COFFEE GUY from The Matrix!

1999jul09. Privacy: Where’s my baseball bat?

1999jul09. Way too much about Salmon P. Chase.

1999jul09. (dead news link) Privacy: Dentists in California have to do it ... Now it’s doctors in Florida. Why not just have EVERYONE do it. That way, there would be NO crime!

1999jul09. (dead news link) "Yeah, and Armstrong won’t give me the clubs ... uh-huh ... well, I can’t tell, I’m wearing a spacesuit! Jeez ... anyway, did you guys ... WHAT THE???” “What’s wrong, over?” “The line went dead, over.” “Houston?” “Houston?” “Oh, you BETTER not be reading that stupid Moon Disaster document! You said we were going to rehearse the splashdown today!!! That’s it ... I’m out of here.” {WALKS OFF SET}

1999jul09. (dead news link) Bring in the feds! Bring ‘em in! Come up with some more excuses, bring ‘em in! A national police force is exactly what we need to beef up at all costs!

1999jul09. (dead news link) "We’ve traced the call ... it’s coming from INSIDE THE HEADQUARTERS!”

1999jul09. I was in line in the supermarket the other, buying things, and I saw the most bizarre t-shirt. Some woman was wearing a t-shirt for Allegra, and on the back was the five thousand teeny-tiny paragraphs of boilerplate about the product, sort of like this entry, but a lot more than it. Lots more. My policy is not to eat things that take longer to read about than ingest.

1999jul12. 721 gums up Metababy again

1999jul12. Take it to the hole, Jorn, TAKE IT TO THE HOLE!!!! I’m tired of re-coding and re-re-coding text files ...

1999jul12. Found photo.

My SO used to work at Kinko’s, and while there he found scads of left-behind photographs and copies of photographs. I scanned many of these pics to use in my digital artwork, along with a few photos I found in weird places like BART, grocery store sidewalks, etc.

- Wire Mommy

This would make a good album cover.

This would not.

Automobile. Juice squeezer.

This photo is way too white.

In the late 1940’s, Americans were slowly being devoured by their own clothes.

1999jul12. Japanese junk food

1999jul12. Circus peanuts is people!

1999jul12. Visit Our Small World ... from Eboy

1999jul12. *Real* Magic 8-Ball on the web

1999jul12. Privacy: Your medical records can now be read by just about any corporation. Hooray!

1999jul12. There are fonts here, but the site won’t be up until July 14th.

1999jul12. Marijuana ... IN THE NEWS! A oddly flaccid Suck about Our Great Nation’s drug czar, and California wants to ID medical marijuana users. My guess is that there’s enough room on the MAGNETIC STRIPE on the back of California driver’s licenses to store a one-bit “approved toker code.” What exactly is on that stripe, anyway? [thought trails off ... ]

1999jul12. (dead news link) The only reason I’ve called your attention to this news story is for the following quote: “There’s not as much killing. Children are not walking around with as many guns and knives as they were six years ago.’’ I’m going to go out on a limb and say that maybe each child has two or three guns and/or knives, down from, say, six or seven?

1999jul13. (dead news link) Federal Government sues Toyota for $56+ BILLION dollars for non-regulatory computerized emission monitors. I’m really torn on this one, lesser evil-wise, but what’s this about hydrocarbon vaport leaks being indicated by simply lighting the “check engine” light? Why isn’t there, say, a two-digital code piped into the dashboard? (I think there is a place you can hook up a little diagnostic device and get the code, but how about something for the driver? how about it, America?)

1999jul13. (dead news link) Privacy: Gore announces plan to continue, even bypass, the Clinton Legacy

1999jul13. Picasso fathead

1999jul13. More Maurizio Cattelan: Stadium and an unfortunately small Bidibidobidiboo (depicting a squirrel which has committed suicide).

1999jul13. Chris Burden: When Robots Rule: The Two Minute Airplane Factory. Information, photos (eh).

1999jul13. Temp workers getting stiffed on overtime by their own hands, sort of.

1999jul13. Dr. Cliff is IN THA/THEE HOUSE!!!

1999jul13. Ebay: The Law of The Camp Fire Girls

1999jul13. Found photo.

(contributed by Hoopla; Found outside Louisville, KY.)

WINNER: BEST FOUND PHOTO OF THE TWENTIETH CENTURY

1999jul13. Found photo.

(contributed by Hoopla; Found outside Louisville, KY.)

This dog just got his ass whipped by a pumpkin.

1999jul13. You’re guests here. No, really. You know what? We’re going to, get this, waive the admission costs for all of you. All you have to do is ride on that float over there. Just wave to the people. They want to see you. Thanks for bringing in more suckers errr I mean, being “guests of honor” here. [next joke] “ ... and it’s even bigger than this,” he said [transmission ends]

1999jul13. Flash Mountain t-shirts. Wear’em to Splash Mountain, get your picture taken, complete the cycle.

1999jul13. More delightful information on the Council of Foreign Relations

1999jul13. Bilderberg Spring Break 1998!

1999jul13. An Exciting Drama In Which Canada Becomes The 51st State

1999jul13. Hello, Tarot! [via suck]

1999jul13. Dave’s Record Collection: it starts at one and ends at nineteen, but the navigational menu sort of pops in and out through the whole thing. I’m sure you can figure out the filenames. You’re like that, figuring things out on your own! [via suck]

1999jul13. Let’s all play the Skin Rash And Other Changes Game! “This is probably a BRUISE.”

1999jul14. Love ... exciting and forced ... come aboard ... we’re assaulting youuuuUUUUUUU!

1999jul14. Bible gum.

1999jul14. Dead kids. “I’ll probably need a nine-iron for this one.”

1999jul14. Monthly cigar reviews ... YOU could be a tester! Free cigars!

1999jul14. Story Minute by Carol Lay

1999jul14. (dead news link) Rest in peace, Bunny.

1999jul14. Nice logo.

1999jul14. I think I’m going to be SICK

1999jul14. A mysteriously appealing webpage/photo.

1999jul14. (dead news link) Ever since I moved to California, letters and packages sent via USPS to my p.o. box have been mysteriously delayed or gone missing at a fascinating rate. Perhaps I should move to some podunk town in the middle of nowhere, then maybe I’d get my mail.

1999jul14. Chocolate-covered cat tongues. Kids love ‘em!

1999jul14. I wanted to go on the Quest for the Secret Flavour, but I don’t want to register my email name ... but look at those swaying, inviting palms ... secret ... flavour ...

1999jul14. Sex gum.

1999jul15. Mail.

Hello. I work for IGA, a grocery store here in eastern Canada. I could probably lose my job for telling you this ... I work in the seafood department, and they pay me thirty six cents extra a week to poison our lobsters. It’s part of a government sponsored program to reduce the crime rate in my area. The poison they supplied was Digitalis. Personally, I hate having to do this, My job is to sell you fish ... but deep down inside I know I’m supposed to keep you safe. This week lobster are on sale, and be sure to check out the variety of Foxglove in our gardening department. Be sure to ask the attendant for “something to end the pain”

You got it, Canadian IGA man!

1999jul15. Ebay: Hello? No ... Hello? Nope ... Hello? Hello? DAMMIT!!! [deuce]

1999jul15. Make Your Own Ink Jet Finger

1999jul15. Star Bears

1999jul15. From “Star Bears” – Ewoks take it in the cakes

1999jul15. Word: Stunning Eastern Design

1999jul15. Word: The Terminal Years (Pekar)

1999jul15. (dead news link) Privacy: And eventually we’ll all be giving our thumbprints every time we’re stopped ... say it ... SAY IT ...

1999jul15. (dead news link) Fat boys vote for MORE

1999jul15. The US government has finally decided to compensate workers who have contracted Beryllium disease. (dead news link) This newsbit reads like it’s in the past tense, but there was a safety inspection in one of the Beryllium plants only days ago. Here’s the investigative article that exposed this startling fifty year government/corporate cover-up.

1999jul15. The Making Of The Making Of The Origin Of The Rocketcar Story

1999jul15.

Farmington, Michigan.

Candice Miller is Michigan’s current Secretary of State. This is where you get your vehicle registration, your driver’s license, etc. There’s about 150 Secretary of State offices in Michigan, each with their own little Candice Miller-augmented sign, most of them not as elaborate as this one.

Candice Miller is an elected official.

So when she “steps down,” these signs will have to be changed – in this case, half of this sign will be destroyed.

Government: Serving “you” with your dollars!

Primm, Nevada.

This is a Tommy Hilfinger billboard. It is very large, especially when there’s nothing else around it. You skootch around it, and you’ve got a casino on one side, and the open desert on the other.

A billboard in the desert looks very strange. The Tommy people are all very happy. I was sort of hoping that I could be like them, but it was very hot and we were getting gas and there was a guy who directed cars to each pump, apparently all day long and he seemed sort of stern. So I wasn’t happy at all. But he was wearing a straw boater, which is nice.

I don’t know where the monorail goes. I think it goes from casino to casino, they’re both owned by the same people. Or do the casinos own the people?

The monorail should also go out in the desert a ways then come back with a little stop in the middle. “Ladies and gentlemen, this is the desert.” Then the people on the monorail could take pictures.

1999jul15. Dr. Cliff visits the Mojave desert phone booth

1999jul15. (dead news link) Looks like I moved to the wrong coast.

1999jul15. Sierra Madre residents torn over blowing horn. ”It’s part of the town. Sierra Madre has that atmosphere of kind of like a Midwest town,” said a bartender. Yeah, that’s all they do out in the midwest, blow horns all day long. Toot, toot.

1999jul15. Phyllis Schlafly: Alive???

1999jul15. The Sahara: Always sexy.

1999jul15. Headlines ... IN THE NEWS! [thanks to tim]

1999jul15. Vinyl ... LIVES! Mondo vinyl! For sale!

1999jul16. Wired goes apeshit over the future again. “We will be able to snort these tiny computers just like cocaine, for example. Then we will become stars, baby. We will become stars.”

1999jul16. Feed blasts Eyes Wide Shut. Also, here is my Tom Cruise impersonation: “What kind of ... charade ... ends up with ... someone ... dead.” It’s funnier in person.

1999jul16. The only flag I salute.

1999jul16. Thumb cuffs. “Bad thumbs! You’re going to THUMB JAIL!”

1999jul17. All About Gummi

1999jul17. [Administration] Amazon auctions and Ebay are both dead in the water, and I just deleted all the entries for today’s weblog! It’s an exciting day on the net. I will retrieve them tomorrow with my special powers of weblog-entry retrieval.

1999jul17. (dead news link) This just in ... man plays perfect game of Pac-Man ... ???

1999jul17. Your tax dollars not at work.

1999jul17. 721: Candy cigarettes.

1999jul17. Science ON THE MARCH! [drudge]

1999jul17. Movin’ to Banbury! Need a sex book or two!

1999jul17. Found photo.

Hi I’m sending the photo i told you about. I found it as i told you in Mexico City at Metropolitan station “Insurgentes” two months ago. I think they’re fans of a local soccer team named “Chivas” (Goats).

- Aaron C.

I am also a fan of “Chivas.” It is probably not the same Chivas.

WINNER: FOUND PHOTO WITH MOST PEOPLE PICTURED

1999jul18. Exactly how fatty is that Burger King meal you’re eating in Germany? Find out instantly! Don’t forget to add the BIER!!!! (extra fun: click every circle ... crank up that Eiweiß!)

1999jul18. Senden der Burger Kinger POSTCARDEN! (checking out der TV for der cowen!) Wo ist der KING, eh?

1999jul18. I want my gum to come from an oil derrick, thank you very much!

1999jul19. (dead news link) The Triumph Of Unchecked Patriotism! I especially enjoy the “envy of the world” bit.

1999jul19. "Use the force, Luke!” “Oink, oinkKKKKKKKkkk oink. Oink.”

1999jul19. I am becoming irritated. I need a piece of software that allows me to organize photos and attach large wads of text to each photo. Yet I cannot find such a program. If you have any suggestions, please to contact me.

1999jul19. Jones Soda photos.

1999jul19. I find this extremely funny. I am sorry.

1999jul19. Spacemoose. A comic.

1999jul19. The Central Intelligence Museum. Everything can explode if you work at it.

1999jul19. A nice travel kit.

1999jul19. (dead news link) This reads as if it came from The Onion ... “Sorrow ... joy ... badness, and goodness, bringing together America ... good, bad ... “

1999jul19. Exciting new law: Michigan police to give tickets to people who don’t merge soon enough before a construction zone. “Courtesy tickets represent a virtually-limitless untapped source of state revenue and police agression,” a MDOT representative may have said.

1999jul19. My nightmare scenario is unfolding.

1999jul19. (dead news link) One billion dollar budget proposal to continue failed war on drugs.

1999jul19. Zzzzzzz ... zzzzzzhrmhaHAMRwhut?

1999jul19. Kid Castro tries to bum some money off of FDR

1999jul20. "You’re listening to XEMU, all rock, all the time! Let’s GO TO THE E-METERS!” [via metababy]

1999jul20. I really enjoy surfing the net randomly, visiting strange, exotic countries far, far away, and not really “getting” the culture, but still, having a bit of awe, a whole heap o’ respect for their very different environments and traditions ...

1999jul20. Okay, you have to pony up five JDs for the Jordanian Safeway Gold Card, but you know what that gets you? I’ll tell you what that gets you ... that gets you a 20% discount on hormones, that’s what that gets you. Remember, they will call your child on his/her birthday! Jordanian kids got it goin’ on, ain’t no one from Safeway ‘round here going to call my kid. Maybe I could collect a “symbolic gift” instead. “This gift represents the well-wishes of the entire Safeway organization, if you look over here at this organization chart, from this level (points) on down to the lowly bagger (points again). Thank you for shopping at Safeway Jordan. You are going now.”

1999jul20. For the love of God, I don’t know how I missed this ... it’s the JORDANIAN SAFEWAY CYBER TUNNEL

1999jul20. Oh great. There goes my working day. [requires flash]

1999jul20. Ebay auctions that are WRONG [jon]

1999jul20. UK’s bleeding-edge “Netizens” now using fascinating “cyberlinguistic” “emoticons” ”and” “abbreviations" ... READ IT NOW! GET IN ON THE GROUND FLOOR! ;) That’s a “smiley,” a “winking smiley”

1999jul20. Drinky Crow doin’ what he knows.

1999jul20. (dead news link) Hometown pride! There’s white ... and there’s white ... and there’s New Town, Michigan!

1999jul20. Warner Brothers Cartoon Companion

1999jul20. Reviewing books that haven’t come out yet, part XVIII

1999jul20. It’s The Extremely Sexy Cardhouse Weblog “Best Of Archives” Weblog Archives: Chopigami

1999jul20. (dead news link) Headlines ... IN THE NEWS!

1999jul20. Spacewurm is tappin’ the cell phone call ... [word via feed]

1999jul21. "Thanks to a document that was revealed to me on the NASA server, I now believe that I have a better explanation of the cause of today’s scrubbed launch. Vikings!” [travis/donaldson]

1999jul21. Penguyans is practically smokers

1999jul21. Quincy, M.E. – The Punk Rock Episode

1999jul22. Listen to 4th Amendment rights being trampled in San Francisco and other major cities! Fun for the whole family! [via Jay]

1999jul22. Everyone’s going NUTS over BROASTED CHICKEN!

1999jul22. The “Shopping Avenger” on U-Haul’s pathetic “non-reservation reservation” policy. A) I have used or participated in a U-Haul rental three times now, and it has been nothing but sorrow and flared tempers each time. Avoid at all costs. B) I am a bit disconcerted by Slate columnists using their column names as their own, like “The Shopping Avenger” and “Chatterbox.” I guess that makes them THAT MUCH EASIER TO REPLACE [cue orchestra stab from the Jetsons when Jane came popped into the living room with that really fucked-up hairdo, which was really the only good thing about the Jetsons save Astro’s speech impediment (“Ruh-roh, Rorge!”)]

1999jul22. "Hey, where’s the shoe polish?"

1999jul22. Oooooh, that Abe from Road Rules ... he’s even more of a jerkoff than you think!

1999jul23. Save Route 666! [deuce]

1999jul23. Mail.

Broasted chicken???

WE SELL Broasted chicken! In fact, Campbell’s Mobil is reknowned for it! (it’s better than KFC, everyone says). Having worked there a month, often serving and smelling the delicious chicken bits, tonight I finally sampled a piece. It was the most juicy, tasty piece of fried chicken I’d ever had. Delicious. It was what they call a “keel"- big piece of white meat with very little in the means of bones, very meaty, very tasty.

And tonight- the first night I try Broasted chicken ... you put up a Weblog link on Broasted chicken.

I sell Broasted chicken.

Tim H.

1999jul23. I’m very tired. It feels like someone kicked me in the face. But tomorrow I will be BRIGHT AND SHINY for my darling groovy panel discussion at Webzine99. We’ve got the first slot. We’re going to be STERLING, I know this to be true.

1999jul25. Free Milk Night! Not tonight. It’s over, cholly.

1999jul26. The answer to the hopes and dreams of many. [via deuce of clubs]

1999jul26. (dead news link) Delusional woman has no life

1999jul26. (dead news link) Woodstock Four-dollar Pretzel Riot ’99!

1999jul26. Unsurprising one-note (webzines SEEKING cash, webzines as a REACTION to e-commerce, etc) review of Webzine ’99 by Wired (the “build your own webzine” section wasn’t even mentioned)

1999jul26. How do ya like my NEW HAIRDO? (special thanks to Mr. Pants) Also a special “hello, good to see you” to all of the funky fresh folks I met at Webzine ’99.

1999jul26. Inconspicuous Consumption: the Cavalier CSS-64 coin-operated soda machine

1999jul27. An important story that comes from here.

1999jul27. Large gallery of mid 70’s-80’s Soviet products with commentary (roll over the “i”)

1999jul27. EPA finally “gets” MTBE. “Uhhh, someone sent us a memo, or something, I had it here just a second ago ... “

1999jul27. Privacy: The gloves come off. Social Security Numbers on driver’s licenses, hell, throw those thumbprints on there as well. This will stem the tide of illegal immigrants, for sure!

1999jul27. ICANN proposing a DIFFERENT global tax. Everyone wants a piece of that sweet, sweet internet pie. Hands off, you grubby kitties!!!

1999jul27. Pink snow theories

1999jul27. "Thanks for designing our fall line ... here’s SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS! Huh? What about that, then?" [via robot wisdom]

1999jul27. Pathetic Geek Story. That is quite a doozy.

1999jul28. Mail.

From: Jason Lubas
To: [a cardhouse operative]@cardhouse.com

I just came across your site, and thought you might be interested in our service, [name here] [URL here].

We offer a FREE web based email service that allows you to use YOUR DOMAIN NAME! For example: username@cardhouse.com.

Not only is this a FREE service to you and your users, it also virtually guarantees repeat and constant traffic on your site daily! Web based email is a fun and easy way for your viewers to have an email address they love. And a great way for you to send your viewers new and resourceful updates about your site.

Come and check us out [URL here].

Or contact me personally at: 1(800) 468-8915 ext. 594.

Hope to hear from you soon!!
Jason Lubas

Man, a real phone number. You don’t usually get that with spam. And there’s NOTHING I can do if one of my readers decides to call this person. Nothing. I mean, if someone took it upon themselves to let Jason know that we already have our domain-name mail addresses under control, and that Jason himself sent email to a cardhouse.com email address in much the same way an ad-man would try to sell snow to Eskimos, my hands are pretty much tied.

Special Message To Jason When He Finds This Page: Hi sweetie. Love the work. Where have you been? Let’s do lunch.

1999jul28. Ah. The Muffler Men are in a separate substrate known as the "Gallery of Huge Beings". Look, there’s BIG JOHNSON! And ... Mammy’s cupboard?

1999jul28. I like this listing. It’s part of the Minnesota Historical Society ... they are also denoting various roadside statuary. But this category is "Smaller Than Real Life,” and one of the entries is “Muffler Creature (robot).” Clearly the Minnesota Historical Society believes that A) there is such a “real life” thing as a Muffler Creature, and B) this piece of statuary is smaller than the actual Muffler Creature.

Cardhouse Travel Advisory in effect until further notice: Avoid Minnesota until the whereabouts (and size) of the Muffler Creature are made public.

1999jul28. Yes, the MHS also believes that gnomes are real, too. Do I have to point out everything?

1999jul28. Feed: The Myth of the Book Glut. I like the phrase “Bodega Ratio.”

1999jul28. Feed: Porn, porn, PORN! An interview with a editorial assistant at a pornographic publishing house. Kids: DON’T CLICK THIS ... because it’s PORN-O-LICIOUS! Porn is always treated with respect at the It’s The Extremely Sexy Cardhouse Weblog. Porn.

1999jul28. Products We Need Immediately: Hand-held bug zappers. Apparently bug zappers spew burnt bugs out as a tasty buggy-bit shroud that has a radius of six feet. So these smaller ones, maybe, three, four feet? And you’re holding it, sooOOOooo ...

1999jul28. Yet another reminder: if you leave your email address anywhere on the net, you’ll eventually get spam. Use temporary accounts when performing e-commerce transactions. Do not put your email address on your website; dreaded spam.spiders are looking for that “at” sign. Hide indoors; board up your windows. Arm yourself. Destroy any and all technology. Except for the ice maker.

1999jul28. Weblog – back in action! Now, conflict free!

1999jul28. Web-churnin’ graphic madness applications

1999jul28. Webzine ’99: Getting closer to the truth.

1999jul28. On another weblog I saw someone whining about there being no open-source messaging system like ICQ or AOL BiteMunch 1.3 or whatever it is. Well, here’s JABBER. Not that it’s done or anything. But it’s up-and-coming! It’s the hottenest! It’s new for ’82! It’s ... (shutting up}

1999jul28. Kickin’ “death of taxes” article.

1999jul28. Here is something else that needs a “Seismic Solution"

1999jul28. Mail.

From: Jason Lubas

To: [a cardhouse operative]@cardhouse.com

I just came across your site, and thought you might be interested in our service, [name here] [URL here].

We offer a FREE web based email service that allows you to use YOUR DOMAIN NAME! For example: username@cardhouse.com.

Not only is this a FREE service to you and your users, it also virtually guarantees repeat and constant traffic on your site daily! Web based email is a fun and easy way for your viewers to have an email address they love. And a great way for you to send your viewers new and resourceful updates about your site.

Come and check us out [URL here].

Or contact me personally at: 1(800) 468-8915 ext. 594.

Hope to hear from you soon!!
Jason Lubas

Man, a real phone number. You don’t usually get that with spam. And there’s NOTHING I can do if one of my readers decides to call this person. Nothing. I mean, if someone took it upon themselves to let Jason know that we already have our domain-name mail addresses under control, and that Jason himself sent email to a cardhouse.com email address in much the same way an ad-man would try to sell snow to Eskimos, my hands are pretty much tied.

Special Message To Jason When He Finds This Page: Hi sweetie. Love the work. Where have you been? Let’s do lunch.

1999jul28. Rowr

1999jul28. It’s the Weblog Construction Kit! Everything you (you!) need to run a successful and unique weblog! Created by Andrew of Benicetobears! He should have called this “Benicetoweblogs"! Har ha! Ha har! Oh, I jest. I am painfully funny sometimes. HOSE ME DOWN!

1999jul28. Privacy: What a crock. The Federal Intrusion Detection Network? “ ... a separate system to track the banking, telecommunications and transportation industries.” Yes sir, the FBI just wants to make sure no wiley hackers get in! That’s all! Jes’ tryin’ to protect America!

1999jul28. Why are people so gung-ho about electronic cash transactions? Here’s a Palm Pilot application that allows you to “beam” money to another Palm Pilot. I stay away from this stuff, phone cards, whatever, because of the one word mentioned in this (and every) cashless electronic transaction article: float. Nobody captures my float! Y’all are just too futuristical for me.

1999jul28. "I was overtaking the lorry.” Tales of driving ineptitude, UK style (long).

1999jul28. World’s Largest Roadside Attractions. I don’t see the prairie dog sculpture located at a Badlands tourist shoppe represented here. But they do have the world’s largest container of yoghurt which is in the United Arab Emirates. Wait, I don’t see any Muffler Men, either! My, my. But they’ve got this termite -- I couldn’t get a good picture of it myself, I am envious of this photographic angle, this person apparently snuck onto the roof or was officially contracted to take such a picture! I have scrolled down! Yes, it is the OFFICIAL PICTURE!

1999jul28. It’s a REPLICA cheese toted around via a bigrig. Replica cheese, comin’ through!

1999jul29. Dr. Cliff’s Cordless Phone Repair. Still funny.

1999jul29. (dead news link) Am I on drugs, or did this whole lysteria thing just suddenly pop up about a year ago? I mean, all of sudden, it’s everywhere! It’s BEHIND YOU!!! LOOK OUT!!! ESCAPE FROM BLAIR WITCH MOUNTAIN!!!

1999jul29. First moon burial, Saturday night.

1999jul29. Target: Saipan. “But these towels are so INEXPENSIVE!” “GET BACK IN THE BOX!”

1999jul29. "Communists ... Commies everywhere! Stop the red menace!”

1999jul29. Herb Alpert fans: you NEED this.

1999jul29. "Uhhh, yo! Adrian! Where’s my uhhh ... walker thing?" [deuce]

1999jul29. (dead news link) NASA ... IN THE NEWS!

1999jul29. (dead news link) "[Detroit] had slid largely into ruin after the 1967 riots ... ” ”I think the city is ready to ignite.” Nice editing.

1999jul29. (dead news link) Teen attempts to impress Jodi Foster by stowing away on transatlantic flight. Oh, I’m sorry, silly me, I mean, “attempts to impress Israel’s Mossad intelligence agency.” Yes. That’s much better.

1999jul30. Tabouli: Weblog revolving around “non-English media.”A good idea well-executed using translation software!

1999jul30. Rebuttal on the recent “Leary’s a snitch” newsbit

1999jul30. I’ll bet you scads of money that this Y2k bunker will remain in operation long after the Y2k threat is passed and becomes, or is rolled into, The Federal Intrusion Detection Network. Let us watch and find out! [via uo]

1999jul30. The Cringe on the messaging war between AOL and Microsoft, but you don’t care, because you’re patiently waiting for Jabber.

1999jul30. Panda Wire: Hsing-Hsing picky muffin eater. (via gilbert)

1999jul31. Balloon Hat Gallery. [via Adam]

1999jul31. The Balloon Hat people also have collected some “wacky stickers” from around the world. I love the Balloon Hat people.

1999jul31. Accompanying Balloon Hat to Timbuktu