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1999jan16. You all have probably heard that Swatch has come up with a new "Internet time" based upon the ”Swatch beat”; one “Swatch beat” is equal to approximately one minute and 26.4 earth seconds. The new time’s meridian reference point is coincidentally located at Swatch International HQ. Swatch has also created a downloadable internet time display module for web sites to display; CNN.com is currenty using it. But as we all excitedly stampede toward internet time, what sort of cultural implications does this entail? As an example, I’ve converted ”Rock Around the Clock” by Bill Haley & The Comets, universally recognized as the initial pioneers in a long-dead art form once identified as “Rock ’n’ Roll.” Here I’ve assumed for the conversion that Bill originally rocked around an Eastern Standard Time clock, as Bill Haley was born in E.S.T.-based Michigan.

Bill Haley & The Comets
Rock Around The Clock

[Converted to Swatch beats; all times are E.S.T.]

791, 833, 875 Swatch beats, 916 Swatch beats rock,
958, zero, 41 Swatch beats, 83 Swatch beats rock,
125, 166, 208 Swatch beats, 250 Swatch beats rock,
We’re gonna rock around the clock tonight.

Put your glad rags on and join me hon’,
We’ll have some fun when the clock strikes 791.

chorus: We’re gonna rock around the clock tonight,
We’re gonna rock, rock, rock, ‘till broad daylight,
We’re gonna rock around the clock tonight.

When the clock strikes 833, 875 and 916,
If the band slows down we’ll yell for more.


When the chimes ring 958, zero, and 41,
We’ll be right in seventh heaven.


When it’s 83, 125, 166, 208 too,
I’ll be goin’ strong and so will you.


When the clock stikes 250 we’ll cool off then,
Start rockin’ ‘round the clock again.


Also, don’t forget to click on the doggie, it will take a little animated piss which is so damned appropriate I may just scream in delight.