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1999aug01. Bigrig has a picture up of Seemen’s Ring of Fire - those vertical metal bars spewing fire are rapidly spinning around the lucky gal in the middle of the contraption.

1999aug01. Brunching Shuttlecocks: I love “Good Or Bad?".

1999aug01. [Deuce of Clubs] Mountain Monograms

1999aug01. [Deuce of Clubs] The Henderson “B” Confluence

1999aug02. Mail.

Regarding the photograph -

This photograph is a fraud. It was not taken in (nor around) 1987. In order to correctly identify the epoch of this specimen, one must look deeper than just his surprisingly ahead-of-MTV-fashion-chain-wallet. Indeed the chain’s gleaming shine smacks us with the “Generation Next!” lemming form of “individuality” (AKA. “Alternative”). Another contributing factor to support my theory: The bad-teenage-goatee was far from “the rage” on the late 80’s. But let us not focus only on this young man’s hygiene. Notice the perfect curve on his baseball cap’s brim. Handed down from hip-hop/rap culture, (which as of late has become extremely popular) this deformation reeks of late 1990’s. Complimenting the hat’s brim are the low, hip-hung jeans, backed by a colorful pair of boxer shorts – see previous note Re. Hip-hop music. Let us also include (for fairness) the previous photograph on this young man. Obviously, this individual is stoned. Although it is unclear of his sobriety in the later photo, the hemp necklace he blatantly displays gives us a clue. Such anti-government behavior was not tolerated during former president Reagen’s “War on Drugs.”It is very unlikely Mom and Dad 1987 would have supported their son’s mocking form of self-expression. For these reasons, I feel these misplaced found pix(s) should be removed from the section entitled “First Thing X-Mas Morning 1987 Series.”

If you feel I have erred in any matter or assumptions, don’t hesitate to correct/berate.

Thank you for you time,


I have forwarded your concerns to the individual who found this set of photos. His reply will be forthcoming, bold, and reckless in style and content.

1999aug02. (dead news link) Your Tax Dollars Not At Work: $1 billion for anti-drug ads. One ... billion ... dollars. A billion. One fucking billion.

1999aug02. "Wow, uhhh, our program is REALLY working here, I’m serious, it’s incredible how well teens respond to someone smashing up a kitchen, I’m amazedcanIhaveabilliondollars?"

1999aug02. The new issue (#6) of Craphound has just been published. It is a expansion of the first issue: Death, Telephone, and Scissors. I’ve put up Sean’s image request list for the next two issues of Craphound. You should contribute something now!

1999aug02. Here is a quote from Sean of Craphound. It is taken from a larger discussion of how he was able to harvest so many images for this issue.

And Sweet Jesus! Did the Internet ever come through this time around! Not one, not two, but a mind-blowing EIGHT low-grade, pixelated images were pulled, one per hour, from the websites of future-minded morticians, monument carvers, and casket-makers. So I guess it’s not really a vast mire of overrated bullshit after all.

1999aug02. There’s a vinyl record being sold out there somewhere called “RRR 500” – it has 500 grooves, one artist per groove. Zoviet Franc, John Oswald, The Haters, Sonic Youth, and much, much more. The only information I can find on it is at Wow Cool. There’s a few copies of it available on GEMM.

1999aug02. The Banana Criticism Project at The Molotov Organization. The organization hopes to utilize the common, unassuming banana as an object of social criticism in the UK and beyond. Good on them!

1999aug02. Mail.


That’s the unabomber as a kid helping in the kitchen ...


I disagree, sir. If this photo is from 1987, this is clearly not a young Mr. Ted Kaczynski. Perhaps it is a Ted Kaczynski who has travelled BACK in time to complete mundane tasks for a needy family. I am only channeling the opinions of the Swami who lives in my brain juices.

When you’re looking for the big comedy punch at the end of your paragraph, hit ‘em with the brain juice Swami. Works every time.

1999aug02. Attention Fat Corporate Bastards. A call to arms by Atman.

1999aug02. I didn’t even know Atman had a home page. I am learning many things about ... ATMAN?

1999aug02. Atman teaches you how to destroy spammers and have fun doing it!

1999aug02. So there was this weird bug crawling up my wall just now and I just grabbed the nearest tools I had to get rid of him, namely, a screwdriver and a dish plate. So I knocked him off the wall with the screwdriver, and onto the plate. Just my luck, he turned out to be some kind of break-beat poppin’ bug and as soon as he landed on the plate he made a little click and flew a foot in the air. I don’t mean “flew” in the traditional sense of the word - I mean he flicked himself into the air. He didn’t have wings, the poor bastard, so he’s compensated by coming up with some kickass tumbling gymnastic skills. Then he landed back on the plate, and did it again, and again, and again. Because his trajectory wasn’t entirely vertical, I had to move the plate around so he didn’t x-scape [circus music plays here]. Eventually he missed the plate and landed on the floor.

That’s when I smooshed him with my Arling & Cameron CD.

1999aug02. [Cardhouse] 55 new found photos!

1999aug02. (dead news link) "This most recent accident only points to the severity of sport-utility rollovers,” a visibly distressed Clinton added.

1999aug02. Breakbeat Bug Update: Remember that breakbeat poppin’ bug? Well, it’s twelve hours after the smooshing, and his head sort of separated from his body during the night and it was just spinning around in circles on the ground this morning. So I smooshed it again with another CD, I don’t remember what it was.

1999aug03. Pokey the Penguin is a beautiful surreal comic strip with an extensive archive. Some ne’er-do-well has apparently taken it upon himself to create some sort of futuristic program that automatically sends a randomly-composed five-panel Pokey the Penguin strip to Metababy every damned day, like this one from today. Jailtime is too good for this scamp, this rapscallion, clearly the type of punishment he richly deserves is best served in the form of a large slice of Boston Cream Pie. He hasn’t had Boston Cream Pie in quite some time. And maybe some vanilla ice cream, as well? That would be fitting!

1999aug03. Squishdot, a tool that allows you (YOU!) to make a Slashdot-like discussion area on your own website.

1999aug03. Bigrig Industries is chuggin’ out web content now ... today’s tidbit is the most-disturbing Little Licks Lip Balm ... make it go AWAY

1999aug03. The Internet over power lines.

1999aug03. Carol Lay goes to Glamourcon

1999aug03. Big soggy-cereal diaper babies!!! Awww, whut’samatter, is your cereal all soggy?? You big American baby you ...

1999aug03. The problem with milk.

1999aug03. New Town ... IN THE NEWS!

1999aug04. Jon sends word that the lock-groove RRR 500 disc has been out for some time. This is the home page of RRR Records.

1999aug04. (dead news link) Oh, for the love of christ, just become one company already. Everyone, merge.

1999aug04. (dead news link) one-inch by two-inch patch to bring Colorado state school students together.

1999aug04. Eric Conveys an Emotion [via Fishstick]

1999aug04. Not The Sunscreen Song

1999aug04. Race Around The World, an Australian television programme that looks like it aired in 1997 and 1998 and not this year. Sort of like Road Rules, but everyone goes off to different places. Click around a bit, there’s a lot there. Here’s Tony in Idaho and Rachel in Burma to get you started.

1999aug04. Pokey the Penguin search engine

1999aug04. Pranks: Free advertising for your domain! [via camworld]

1999aug04. I would like to take this time to congratulate Dr. Scott C. Berk (and several others) for the breakthgouth JACS paper “A Combinatorial Approach toward the Discovery of Non-Peptide, Subtype-Selective Somatostatin Receptor Ligands.”As you can see from the accompanying diagram, the combinatorial amino acid splay is concurrent with the diamine subtropa and shit. He has also made it about 2000 times easier to update this here weblog. Hooray!

1999aug04. I was thinking of going to Gasoline Alley in Clearwater, Florida. Is that advisable?

1999aug04. Salon: The Delightful History of Airplane Brawls: The San Juan Special

1999aug04. The Big Con, a book on confidence men, has just been reprinted. This book apparently inspired the movie The Sting.

1999aug04. A letter from Janet Reno of the American Regime, to the German Federal Secretary of Justice, concerning that horrible, horrible cryptographic software. [go]

1999aug04. (dead news link) I’m first in line.

1999aug05. Now ... finally ... after years of testing ... Vinyl Video! View prerecorded video by simply playing a vinyl record on your turntable! Yes! Vinyl Video!

1999aug05. Vuk Cosic has some "ASCII music videos" in the Vinyl Video format. Listen to the Vinyl Video format first if you have a slow connection, you’ll get a faster idea of exactly what “ASCII music video” means. I am weeping tears of joy right now.

1999aug05. A listing of Vinyl Video artists and realvideo selections!

1999aug05. A hat that works like a baseball glove! America, I sing to thee TODAY!

1999aug05. [Deuce of Clubs] "Too suspect as a means of conveyance ... “?

1999aug05. The Cringe remembers DefCon 1, and how the Sands Casino almost went dark.

1999aug05. “Arrrr! It’s PIRATE BENDY! And he has a CONTEST for you, you landlubber! Arrrr!” I could kick Pirate Bendy’s ass. No problem. [via Rain Barrel]

1999aug06. Fuji Rock Festival, Woodstock ’99: Compare and contrast.

1999aug06. The Finger is back! WOOT!

1999aug06. [Deuce of Clubs] What did Alex trash today? -- this personal page is maybe a little too personal.

1999aug06. Barbie digital camera ... good for Burning Man? Determining. Determining.

1999aug06. Errr ...

1999aug07. U.S. Lawn Mower Racing Association.

1999aug07. [Deuce of Clubs] I do not claim to understand this. But I did not understand Titanic, either.

1999aug08. I am heavily soiled! [per jon]

1999aug09. (dead news link) Tulsa (White) Race Riot re-examined

1999aug09. [Deuce of Clubs] A building shaped like an elephant? Preposterous!

1999aug09. Bionic Eyelid

1999aug09. What a poor application. I wonder if I can ban it from Cardhouse.

1999aug09. [Deuce of Clubs] Toy cameras ... good for Burning Man.

1999aug09. The Post Office wants to run the lottery? Seems like a good match.

1999aug09. The JamCam is a cheap digital camera for the kiddies. You can get eight 640x480 pictures on it. Looking at the website, you sure do get the impression that you can pop this camera in your backpack and take pictures as you would with a regular camera, but the JamCam has to be tied to your PC to even work. A nice man at the big department store told me that’s why they all were recalled. Poor JamCam.

1999aug10. So You’ve Decided To Become A Tuvan Throat-Singer

1999aug10. (dead news link) Your Tax Dollars Not At Work: The Pentagonnies.

1999aug10. Straight Dope: handy tips for buying sunglasses

1999aug10. It is time to feel sorry for the superstores. Personally, this news is a bit disturbing to me, because I am hoping that several of the superstores, like HQ and Officemax and Wal-Mart, team up to make a multi-level super-superstore mall thing that would blot out the sun. People could live inside! I am pushing hard for this. Think “Cask of the Amontillado.”

1999aug10. The new GM cars will also be equipped with hammers.

1999aug10. Privacy: Everybody’s jumpin’ on board that crazy biometric boxcar! Come on, everyone! Get aboard the Fingerprint Train! (singing) Oh, the dentists gotta do it, and if you wanna drive or even exist in California and several other states you gotta do it, welfare recipients do it, even them criminals do it, everybody’s givin’ up their piggies for the Great Society!

1999aug10. Rose ... bud ...

1999aug10. Selling liquor online banned? I missed this one from earlier this month ...

1999aug10. Ben Stiller & Paul Reubens on the press junket.

1999aug10. [Administration] For the next two weeks, this here weblog will sort of limp along, as I am preparing for Burning Man. Then the two weeks after that, there will be no entries, as I will be at Burning Man. Then things will return to normal, whatever that is. Burning Man is like going to Walt Disney World, except there are more rules.

1999aug10. Hatch and Feinstein meet and it’s a GROOVY LOVE STORY! Check it out, their proposed Methamphetamine Anti-Proliferation Act makes it a new federal felony to LINK to web sites that contain information about where to buy drugs! Journalists, webloggers, whoever! If this was law now, I’d be facing three years in the pokey! Keep pushing you fuckers, eventually the rope will break ...

1999aug10. All right WEBZINE ’99!!! SPRING BREAK!!!!

1999aug10. (dead news link) Privacy: Amazing plastic ID badge to stop bullets

1999aug10. Privacy: Amazing plastic ID badge to stop illegal aliens. The shit is coming down hard today, my friends ... the GAO is looking to issue new social security cards with identification data-laden computer chips installed ... next time someone starts talking about all of our wonderful freedoms in America, kick him in the crotch for me. Thanks.

1999aug10. [Deuce of Clubs] All mourn the loss of the world’s oldest goldfish, dead at 43.

1999aug10. Berkeley ... IN THE NEWS! “Free the corn! Free the corn!” And the protestors gathered up all of the corn and released it into the wild.

1999aug10. Swell News Quiz today. It’s hard not to be funny when you’re talking about guns and kids! “Doritos Snub-Nose Revolver Snack Time Madness!”

1999aug11. Buzzword warning. “Emergent.” It’s this year’s “Pro-active.” Go AWAY

1999aug11. [Deuce of Clubs] "Create Your Own Genetically Healthy Child Online"

1999aug11. Hahahahaha! You freaking PANSIES ...

1999aug11. U.S. Customs forces passengers to perform a “monitored bowel movement"? This is the kind of degradation people have to go through because they’re suspected smugglers?

1999aug11. DARWIN UNITED!!!! Software that creates software.

1999aug12. Sometimes when I read the news I have to pinch myself. (dead news link) Kraft is apparently having difficulty selling Tang and other powdery nonsense because competitors like Pepsi or Coca-Cola “can be poured right out of their bottles or cans instead of taking the trouble to mix them.”THIS IS NEWS? and WHO CARES? “The trend in desserts is away from preparing (them) yourself.” News flash: Tang is now a “dessert.”

1999aug12. [Deuce of Clubs] How to blow up the brand new, abominably worthless Tempe Town Lake! (For entertainment purposes, only, kids! Play nice-nice!)

1999aug12. (dead news link) This ... this.

1999aug12. Apollo 11 flight plan.

1999aug12. (dead news link) The Building Blocks of Comedy: The Groin Injury

1999aug12. Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival 1999, Oct 9/10. Doc say: “So many rules you’ll think you’re at Burning Man!” No walking-in chairs/food/drink? The “no drink” rule is bullshit, concert providers have vastly underestimate crowd sizes in the past ... it should be damned illegal to stop people from providing their own sustenance/survival during an event. I’ll still go. Have to go on the first day. Underworld. Underworld. Underworld.

1999aug12. [Deuce of Clubs] Continuing the tradition of presidents with a psychic wacko in the family: President Warren Beatty? You laugh NOW ... !

1999aug13. I was driving onto the “freeway” the other day and saw some graffito on the “HIGHWAY ENTRANCE” sign. “That’s new,” I thought. And just above and to the right of the graffito, was more graffito that said “NEW.”

1999aug13. French month has been prematurely attacked and immediately capitulated to the enemy.

1999aug13. Privacy: “You may end up in a world you do not want.” We all got that pops ... we all got that.

1999aug13. [Deuce of Clubs] Damn. This is exactly what I was going to do with *my* Criswell page (if the world continues on, that is). Oh, well. More time for OTHER PROJECTS, oboyoboy.

1999aug13. [Deuce of Clubs] "U.are.U". Just what we needed: mass-market fingerprint recognition capability!

1999aug14. Japanese commercials [via Fishstick]

1999aug14. Ithaca tells the all-mighty dollar to shove it [via todd]

1999aug15. Tilex has a (new?) product called Fresh Shower, a “daily shower cleaner.” I am looking for something in more of a “bi-annual shower cleaner” style.

1999aug15. There’s nothing more aggravating than web pages that refuse to use different-colored text for links. Here’s a particularly annoying example, in which the headers are a different color, but link to nothing, and certain words in certain paragraphs are links, but are the same color as the body text. Running my cursor over every single word to find the hidden treasure is extremely low on my priority list.

1999aug15. Everyone’s barcoding tonight ... everyone’s barcoding ALL RIGHT! [via whim & vinegar]

1999aug15. Poor tax.

1999aug15. So ... .KIMBLE! Wir treffen uns wieder. Dieses Mal entgehen Sie mir nicht. SCHUTZ! Ergreifen Sie Herrn Kimble und legen Sie ihn in mein fiendish nicht-entgehen Einheit der extremen Folterung. [per Der Lo]

1999aug15. Girl Reporter Al Hoff dives into the blazing core of the REDNECK SUN

1999aug16. Sun blasts Gates for stealing their ENVISIONARY EMPOWERING SENTENCE. “We thought of that sentence first. It is ours.”

1999aug16. Cintra. It doesn’t matter what it’s about. CINTRA.

1999aug16. Imusic strikes out again ... the text wad describes a 1986 Wanda Jackson album; the album cover shown is a greatest-hits compilation from 1996. You should pick up the compilation album, yes indeed.

1999aug17. This article in the Washington Times indicates that “Generation X” designates people between the ages of 18 and 29. Which means that A) The Generation X spectrum is stationary, with the youth of today and tomorrow moving through it, sort of like the Menudo cut-off age, and B) I am no longer a member of Generation X. Thank you, Jesus.

1999aug17. Pinch me, I’m DREAMING!!!! A computer that could turn on the television set just before my alarm clock goes off? Frick, perhaps it will strap a feedbag on me, wheel me over to the car via gurney while a tiny sex robot fellates me, as well! The suburban wet dream push-button future bores the living shit out of me. “Even activate cameras to check on the baby sitter.” Hahaha. Plural. This surely is a home of the total-surveillance future! [uo]

1999aug17. Feed: Skins.

1999aug18. Houdini invents diving suit/killer bee enclosure with attachable fried-egg hat and thong panty liner.

1999aug18. Craphound. I am again recommending you purchase Craphound. This link will lead you to a description of Craphound.

1999aug18. Duchamp and chaos theory [via Illuminatrix]

1999aug19. It is apparently a personal tradition of mine to miss the L.A. Cacophony pyrotechnic display at Burning Man every year. Perhaps this will change. [via St. Vincent]

1999aug19. Ewwww. Shield your eyes ... it’s ... NATURE.

1999aug19. The Bolinas quake was the first earthquake I haven’t slept through since moving here ... this web page describes what physically happens during an earthquake as represented by the Mercalli/Richter scales.

1999aug19. (dead news link) I love the way this joker dances around the question. ”I have not done cocaine while in a plane ... I have not done cocaine in a bus, boat, or train!”

1999aug19. I will find many, many uses for TorpoLeximatic [via Pigdog]

1999aug19. A digital camera that encodes lat/long information on the image. Handy for confluences.

1999aug19. Yeah! YEAH YEAH! Screw ‘em hard! Lousy parking tickets. [via Fark]

1999aug20. Found sound/sampling essays/interviews

1999aug20. The Department of Justice is demanding the right to disable PC security. ”Justice” – wotta laugh.

1999aug20. Mexicans going NUTS over Levi’sŪ

1999aug20. Horrible review of horrible April 1999 Positivland/BLF show openers, “God Nose..”There was no “confusion” about just how bad a Dylan impersonator could be, the set sucked to high heaven, even if construed as a “prank” on the audience. Luckily there was a back hallway available to escape the sonic sludge ... ”Ironic reference” my ass ...

1999aug20. (dead news link) Official Wal-Mart line: “Santa is a man.” He’s also made in China and is 40% off!

1999aug20. Those Amazing Studies!

1999aug21. Ouija Board Gallery. I have stayed clear of these things ever since using one in college ... my friends and I gathered around the board on a Halloween night almost a decade ago, and the guy that went first asked the Ouija board something like “What will happen to me?,” some stupid thing ... and the Ouija spelled out “B O O M” and sure enough, not twenty seconds later there was this horrible explosion that blew me clear into the next room ... I staggered back, senseless, and there were only little charred bits and pieces left of my friend. It’s kind of hard to talk about it ... I never believed in that stuff before ... but now, seeing these boards ... I kind of get all queasy and stuff. [via bifurcated rivets]

“Okay, this time, NOBODY FUCKS AROUND, okay? This time is for REAL. If anybody fucks with the pointer, I’ll kick their ass.”

1999aug21. "She kept her hobby a secret from Hollywood and the public ... ” No! You are wrong, CNN reporter! She shot arrows on The Late Show! Okay. You won’t see much of Hollywood represented here in the It’s The Extremely Sexy Cardhouse Weblog Scene. But now, I am letting you know ... Geena Davis is IMPORTANT.

1999aug21. (dead news link) Stupid, lazy pot smokers ...

1999aug22. [Deuce of Clubs] “The Music Commission on Church Music of the Episcopal Church and the Music Commission of the Diocese of Albany do not consider usage of Wagner’s “Bridal Chorus” from Lohengrin or Mendelssohn’s Wedding March to be appropriate for use in the church.”

1999aug22. "Students should not be forced to say it, but they should follow the rules.” Fuck your doublespeak, ma’am.

1999aug22. (dead news link) A news story in which we learn the shocking fact that people from Malibu call themselves “Malibuites.”

1999aug22. An article about Hawaii’s “midlife crisis" which makes sure to mention that statehood was “welcomed” by Eisenhower (haahahah!), but does not mention the secession movement. Hawaii isn’t the only state eyeballing the rip cord ...

1999aug23. Timothy McSweeney’s Web Indication: “Reviews Of Stories I’ve Recently Heard"

1999aug23. Privacy: Someone finally patented the Mark of the Beast [via Fark]

1999aug23. Mosquitos use sense of smell to pick next blood buddy

1999aug23. Pictures of Hayward fault earthquake creep.

1999aug23. Privacy: More post office box bullshit. They can’t even get my mail to me half the time, this will pretty much take care of the other half. [via flutterby]

1999aug24. Ebay: "I think it was related to the monks setting themselves on fire.”

1999aug25. Blair. Good. Go.

1999aug26. Ah. So that’s where Burning Man went. [via robot wisdom]

1999aug26. I will be at Burning Man, following rules. Then I will be in a casino. Or seven.

1999aug28. Mail.

Hell with them! I like the colors and the attitude ... thanks.