Nice day for bananafish, isn’t it?
It’s a nice day for SAILING, loser. Who was Willy Winky again? The fruity one with the handbag? I can’t remember.
1998nov06. Before I moved to California, a lot of people told me that earthquakes happen ”all the time” here. And I checked a chart and sure enough, little dots all over the place. The other day my housemate asked me “how was it?” “How was what?” I countered. Turns out there was a minor one sometime late at night.
“I SLEPT THROUGH MY FIRST EARTHQUAKE?!??”
Should have set the alarm or something.
Hey there. This is Jeff Stendec from Cardhouse.com wishing you a happy Labor Day. I thought I’d drop you a note because it seems like your site ROCKS. I haven’t been through all of it yet, but that’s the general impression I’m getting here. I’m also receiving a psychic message, a paranormal image of BEETS. Do BEETS mean anything to you, Andrew? Do you have a relative who likes, or perhaps is named BEETS? Now I’m getting the number -17. Is your license plate number NEGATIVE SEVENTEEN? Perhaps you have a friend, or a co-worker, or a co-worker’s supervisor who can attach meaning to the number NEGATIVE SEVENTEEN?
You think about that. Perhaps you can talk with your friends and later you will discover a special meaning. How about WOOD PANELLING? Anything about WOOD PANELLING? OXYGEN. Do you know anyone who breathes the chemical element OXYGEN? These are just images I’m receiving now, Andrew. You talk to your friends about the images I have received. TARTAR-CONTROL CREST. Okay, that’s all. The images are fading now and THE MOVIE “SO FINE” STARRING RYAN O’NEAL, A LIGHTHEARTED COMEDY IN WHICH A SHY PROFESSOR (O’NEAL) ACCIDENTALLY STARTS A FASHION CRAZE BY INVENTING SEE-THROUGH- BOTTOMED PANTS FOR HIS CLOTHING-MANUFACTURER FATHER (JACK WARDEN). That’s all we have time for today.
Sometimes I don’t hear back from them.
I would like to send Cardhouse a book about dating women for a possible review. Could you e-mail me the editor’s name I should direct it to along with the address?
Send the women. I have enough books already. In other news, Andrew (see next entry) actually does have a special meaning attached to BEETS. So if you need a psychic profile, please send a general description of your life and the contents of your car to me.
I want rant a room in England
with family room
I tried to string this guy along, asking him if he wanted something near the M25, smoking non-smoking, etc, but he never wrote back.
1998nov11. Yesterday the heat shield to my car’s catalytic converter sort of half-fell off after excessive San Francisco psycho street wear. “No problem, twenty minute fix,” I lied to myself. I spent forty-five minutes under the car in the Pep Boys parking lot (they wouldn’t let me use their lift – liability and all) in the rain, and then another hour and half in the garage undoing and redoing the whole mess. But it’s fixed, my first successful auto repair job. Tonight I’m gonna rebuild the engine!
Hey there Mr.Simple,
Just wanted you to know how many hours I have spent at work browsing around your site. My employer wouldn’t be to happy to hear that but I think you have far and away the most entertaining site that I have come across in all my days. I also wanted to get a quick psychic read from you if you have the time.
My life: college student,
law clerk, likes beer and girlies. My car contains : pens of various colors
(working and not), 32 oz. cup from taco cabana, 4 empty packs of camel lights,
Mc.donalds bag with partially eaten egg mc.muffin included, bag of frisbees,
a pack of gum, a backpack full of school supplies.
Let me know if I am certifiable or not.
Zack, I am glad you came to me first. I could sense this was going to happen. I see that your life is rushed, hurried. I see the life of a ... COLLEGE STUDENT? Is this correct? I am getting a vision of ... wait, it’s cloudy ... it is SMOKE! Do you smoke, Zack? Do you “hang out” with the WRONG CROWD? I am also getting an image of RECREATION ... perhaps you play HACKY-SACK ... perhaps FRISBEE. It is not clear. But enough about you ... let’s open the PSYCHIC DOORWAYS of YOUR FUTURE ... . I see a career ... a career in LAW! Could this be a good career choice for you, Zack? I also see ... girlies ... DRUNK GIRLIES! This is probably another good omen. I also see FREE REFILLS AT TACO CABANA FOR A LIMITED TIME W/PURCHASE OF 32OZ OF YOUR FAVORITE SOFT DRINK! Hurry, Zack, HURRY!
1998nov13. BRIEF RECORD REVIEW
Cardigan’s “Gran Tourismo” –
Extremely crappy. (however, the enclosed booklet does have nice, extra-glossy
– Colin MacInnes
1998nov14. I was sitting in a San Francisco brewery with members of Bigrig Industries the other day waiting for webzine98 to open up and we just started scrawling all over the ad postcards. There are thousands of these things in major cities all over America – postcards with an ad on the front. Does anyone ever send these out? “Mom and Dad, visiting S.F., wish you were here, drink Coke” ??? Is advertising everywhere now?
So when we were done detourning about 25 of these postcards, we put them back in the racks.
The ones you see here are clever simulations.
After we left webzine98, we came across a large poster of the first ad and duplicated our additions via Sharpie marker.
1998nov18. I went to Karaoke Night at a local bar yesterday. After a particularly annoying drunk woman decided to sing some repellent pop song replete with soul-shattering high notes, I came up with a more humane method of song-styling.
1: 2/3rds of the lyrics must be EXCISED.
RULE 2: All songs must be sung at 3x SPEED.
RULE 3: The above rules do not need to be applied if it is a punk song (this does not include “I Wanna Be Sedated” by The Ramones).
RULE 4: No regulars.