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1998dec04. Slept through another quake, this one 4.1 on the Poto-Cabenga scale. In anticipation of future quakes, I’ve cleared out a small space under my desk at work. I dive in unexpectedly at random moments, staying safely underneath for a good 30-45 minutes at a time, surviving solely on my “quakekit” of Pop Tarts and key lime pie.

1998dec21. Donut Domain Survey (part 1).

I am shopping for another domain name for a fun little secret project that will probably never get off the ground because I’m an incompletist bastard. I was hoping to get donut.com, which really has nothing to do with the project but everyone likes donuts and donuts are easy to remember. Donuts! But of course some naming agency snapped that name up THE JERKOFFS. Now I am looking at alternatives like DONUTSINYOURFACE.COM or whatever. So here is a quick rundown of interesting donut-type domains that have nothing to do with your major donut vendors.

donutgirl.com - strange, but in a good way. Some photos, and then “products” (including scary ’70s PHOTO CUBE) that feature the photos, but no way to purchase said products.

donuts-inn.com – some donut place in some foreign land (Turkey?). But it has a nice picture of many donuts. donutboy – some kind of game that requires shockwave and is moving to shockrave.com and I don’t care. donutsonarope.com – doesn’t seem to work but it looks like it’s another pre-emptive strike by a marketing research firm. “Gentlemen ... I believe donuts-on-a-rope.com will be in big demand in the coming year.” These guys also bought thisisajewishhouse.com and dazzlingradiance.com. Keep those fingers crossed, fellers!

donutworld.com – a producer for Nippon Television Broadcast Network includes a few interviews with Hollywood people, a few projects, and looks through a donut hole on the main page.

donutsystems.com – donut SYSTEMS? Another amazing marketing guess. There are just too many of these stupid donut-domain guesses so I’m not going to list any more in this important forum no matter how stupid they are. donuts.net – this seems to be just links to donut-related items and recipes, which is not bad, but, really, put a stick about and let’s see some original donut content at this domain! donutbox.com – owned by Calling Cartons®, a donut-box manufacturing company. you could print up 500 donut boxes with a picture of something really stupid! donutdisaster.com – this takes you straight to the Hasbro homepage, like a lot of other domain names. Like for example, candyland.com, which used to be owned by a porn shop, and there was this big ole’ lawsuit and i forgot what happened, but it looks like JUSTICE WAS SERVED because we all know that Candyland means THE CUTE LITTLE BOARD GAME and not NAKED PEOPLE RUBBING AGAINST EACH OTHER. Anyway, Hasbro has done a bang-up job of not helping out the casual web-surfing consumer who ends up here via candyland.com or donutdisaster.com because there’s nothing on the home page about ‘em. GO HASBRO! donutz.com – this is a SPECIAL WEBSITE that is intended ONLY for the employees of Tim Horton’s store #1516 so don’t try to crack the password and read all the TOP-SECRET DONUT ARTICLES! donutman.com – this site is dedicated to the teachings of Rob Evans, the “Donut Man.”Rob wants all the children of the world to know that life without Jesus is like a donut because there’s a hole in the middle of your heart. Rob operates the “donut repair shop,” fixing real donuts with a “round pastry donut hole,” if you can follow the real-world analogy in motion here. Perhaps you’d like to buy a videotape or ten, or maybe the audio tapes, or the song books, or a t-shirt! Praise donuts ... praise Jesus ... praise Commerce. donutdog.com – by all appearances, this is a site whose mascot is a dog that swallowed a large donut. Or rather, is a dog in the shape of a donut, along with a hole. I know of no such creature. I do know about cows that have plastic panels installed in them at state fairs so kids can see the internal pistons and such. This should not be confused with the “butter cows” of state fairs, that is, cows created entirely out of butter. These would have no plastic panels, because all you would see behind the panel is more butter. Anyway, this site has way too much in the way of navigational tools considering the amount of content offered (none).

1998dec22. ICQ conversation.

The_Lorax: I just heard on the radio that there will be some kind of Anthrax Biological attack, perpetrated sometime in July next year, in New York City at Shea stadium.

Mark: is it sold out yet?

1998dec22. ele é gratuito! use mr. nomono hoje mesmo como camiseta; tatuagem; logotipo do seu açougue, asilo de veulinhos, fbrica de gelo ou organização de extrema direita!

1998dec24. Acses is an incredibly smooth online bookstore price comparison website with a stupid name! I found out about via Robot Wisdom Netlog which you should be reading every day or else santa will leave a lump of radioactive rock in your sock this year.

1998dec28. Read all of the Mercedes-Benz Fantasy Drive Essay Contest winning essays! God, I think I’m actually going to puke!

1998dec28. Read all of the Mercedes-Benz Fantasy Drive Essay Contest winning essays! God, I think I’m actually going to puke!

1998dec30. I have become a big fan of TUNA FISH SANDWICHES. When I was younger, back in the day, mom served up a stack of tunawiches, oh, I don’t know, three, four times a week. Hey, don’t get me wrong here, they were good, but after awhile, like anything, you kind of burn out on tuna fish sandwiches, and you don’t eat anything even remotely tuna-like save tuna sushi, which is sort of like a micro tuna-fish sandwich, for another two decades. I mean, I don’t. Not even most of the major components of a tuna fish sandwich – relish? Sure, maybe once every three years. Mayo – not on your life. Perhaps once in a Pennsylvania Subway when I was suffering from roadtrip lethargy. So one day, I was kicking myself trying to come up with a delightful lunchtime mealplan that somehow didn’t involve various quarts of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, and out of like NOWHERE I had this sudden craving for ... that’s right ... tuna fish sandwiches. And those darling little cans! How can resist? So here’s my secret tuna fish sandwich recipe.

TUNA FISH SANDWICHES

Ingredients: bread, two cans of tuna fish, mayonnaise, relish.

Directions: throw some bread in a toaster. mix up tuna fish, mayonnaise, and relish in a tupperware bowl to taste. throw it on the toast. makes four rockin’ tuna fish sandwiches.

Tunafish YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!

1998dec31. Blow me, 1998, you suck-ass [getting a good shoe on 1998, kicking it into the trash]. God I need a drink. Yoo hoo, Bigrig peoples! Who’s yer favorite up-n-coming lushmeister? That’s right. I am. Gimme drink. GIMME! Stupid YEAR!