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1996jun16. Random, pointless A&W “paragraph” with miniscule salute to the Olympics.

There are two or three drive-in A&W restaurants left in the Detroit-Metro area. To place your order, you have to talk into a speaker placed next to a menu. Ray, Phil and I enjoyed a meal of pretend burgers and delicious A&W root beer, while making loud, dumb conversation.

Ray: “The waitress only weighs eight pounds.”
Mark: “She looks like Nadia Comaneci strung out on crack.”
Phil: “What I like most about the speakers is that they can listen indiscriminately to any conversation you might be having.”
Ray (falsetto): “I am not eight pounds!”

1996jun16. I’m sure a number of you recently received a “switch-services” check from AT&T for $100. One HUNNERD dollars? That’s enough for me to switch from Sprint, then back. I was an AT&T customer for about four hours; the tape with my record had “just popped up,” according to the AmeriScam (our local-call monopoly) representative. Somehow I finagled Sprint into letting me hang onto my bonus points; I almost have enough to fly to England. Getting back might be a problem. Anyway, two weeks later, AT&T called. The check had cleared, so I figured I owed them a short conversation.

“You’ve switched from AT&T to another carrier, we were wondering why this was?"
“I’m not sure ... “
“Just going to try out another carrier?"
“Yeah, sure. Whatever.”
“We’d like to offer 40% off your blah blah $10 check blah blah ... switch tonight.”
“No thanks.”
Suckers. Thanks for the $100. I spent it on drugs.

Note: That wasn’t supposed to sound like an endorsement for either of those bloated corporate phone freaks; I just HAVE to get those bonus points. As soon as I get my Eurotix, I’m going to switch to “Fred’s local incompetent co-op phone service.” I promise.